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Για την Donna – ελπίζω να βοηθήσει

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ڈونا کے لئے – مجھے امید ہے کہ اس سے مدد ملے گی۔

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For Donna – jeg håper det hjelper

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For Donna – I hope it helps

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Pour Donna – j'espère que ça aide

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Untuk Donna – semoga membantu

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Para Donna, espero que ayude

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För Donna – jag hoppas att det hjälper

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Dla Donny – mam nadzieję, że to pomoże

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Hi Donna
It would have been a gradual decline into addiction, not a sudden change. If a person knew when they gambled that addiction was waiting for them then they would never start – it creeps up and sadly it usually has a terrible hold before the CG (compulsive gambler) and those around them realise what is happening.
It is also a fact that without treatment the addiction does get worse – is it a dedicated addiction counsellor he sees?
It is because we love our CGs dearly that we find ourselves on this site and I hope you will gain strength from knowing you are among friends who understand.
I cannot tell you what to do – it is important that you make your own decisions but I can give you knowledge of his addiction because knowledge will give you the ability to cope and make your own informed decisions. Keep posting and learning there is much to say and much to learn – you are in the right place.
I have brought up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’ so that you can know that everything you say is understood.
Gambling is not about money, it is the ‘gamble’ that excites the mind of the CG, causing them to gamble until everything is gone because they cannot walk away. Money to a CG is the same as a drink to an alcoholic – a means to an end. What does he gamble on?
You write that ‘you’ are £15000in debt whereas in all probability this is your husband’s gambling debts. I am not splitting hairs but in my opinion, I think it is better for you not to feel this is ‘your’ debt. To control his addiction your husband will have to take responsibility for his debts and his behaviour. It would help if you could set up an account in your sole name to which he had no access – you cannot save your husband, the only person you can save is you and it is important to have barriers in place to protect you and your two children.
Your husband is not a monster who is breaking your heart with ease but he does have an addiction controlling him which I know can be controlled or I would not be writing to you.
I will stop there and maybe speak to you later. When you are standing at a crossroads, I think it is best to do what you have done , which is to seek help for you– stay with the site, I will hold your hand for as long as you want me to do so – the answers will come’
I have a group tonight between 6pm and 7pm where we could communicate in real time if you would care to join me.
Speak soon
Velvet

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<

Hello Donna

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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Dear San
I feel such sadness for you – it is a terrible decision and one that will have caused you so much heartache and taken such tremendous courage. I hope you can feel your hand in mine and draw strength.
Of course the details are immaterial – I understand without hearing them.
Giving a second chance or a thousand chances is not embarrassing, you were fighting for your son – who wouldn’t want to believe that maybe, just maybe yours would be different?
I hope you can pop into a group soon there are things I would like to say in real time.
You have been and you are amazing San – keep your head up, live your life and enjoy the good things.
Even now it will not be easy, even now when you have made such a decision there will be times of doubt – but you have given him freedom to make better choices. Withdrawing his ability to use you is to refuse his addiction in your life – it is not removing your love or your hope.
Be strong San – your love for him shines through your posts – I will pray for both of you.
V

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Oh wow Kathryn – that is such great news. I will stop worrying about you now and just look forward to hearing all about it.
Phew!
You deserve a good job because you will do it justice – whoever has had the sense to employ you has got a gem
Well done
V

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Hi Kirty
It never ceases to amaze me that, even though I have been on this site for ages, a new analogy suddenly appears in a post that makes me sit back and nod in recognition of a light bulb moment. Tilly the cat is to be commended for changing her life and you are to be commended on helping her change her habits.
I often say in Friends and Family that we cannot save the person we love – we can only change ourselves – but as you have shown with Tilly there are other ways to support. Repeating the same behaviour over and over again, even if it is done for all the right reasons, will never change a thing. .
I suspect in the future Tilly may well appear in our F&F forum and I hope to continue reading that your recovery goes apace with hers and that your wife, Tilly, all who care about you and of course ‘you’ are enjoying the life you were meant to have together. I know it can happen.
When we keep stumbling it is time to try something different – well done
Thank you Kirty and Tilly
Velvet
Success is not the result of internal combustion, you must set yourself on fire first.

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Hi Kathryn
I hope you update soon on your job search – you are in my thoughts such a lot.
V

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