[velvet]

Untuk Yordania. Saya menulis posting untuk Anda saat ini tetapi sementara itu, jika Anda membaca forum saat ini, saya harap ini membantu untuk mengetahui bahwa saya mengerti Velvet

[velvet]

Por Jordan. Te estoy escribiendo una publicación en este momento, pero mientras tanto, si estás leyendo el foro en este momento, espero que esto te ayude a saber que entiendo a Velvet.

[velvet]

För Jordan. Jag skriver ett inlägg till dig för tillfället men under tiden, om du läser forumet för tillfället, hoppas jag att detta hjälper till att veta att jag förstår Velvet

[velvet]

Dla Jordana. Piszę do Ciebie w tej chwili post, ale w międzyczasie, jeśli czytasz forum w tej chwili, mam nadzieję, że pomoże to wiedzieć, że rozumiem Velvet

[velvet]

Para Jordan. Estou escrevendo uma postagem para você no momento, mas por enquanto, se você estiver lendo o fórum no momento, espero que isso ajude a saber que eu entendo o Velvet

[velvet]

Jordanian puolesta. Kirjoitan sinulle postausta tällä hetkellä, mutta tällä välin, jos luet foorumia tällä hetkellä, toivon, että tämä auttaa tietämään, että ymmärrän Velvetin

[velvet]

Para Jordan. Estou escrevendo uma postagem para você no momento, mas por enquanto, se você estiver lendo o fórum no momento, espero que isso ajude a saber que eu entendo o Velvet

[velvet]

Voor Jordanië. Ik schrijf op dit moment een bericht voor je, maar in de tussentijd, als je op dit moment het forum leest, hoop ik dat dit helpt om te weten dat ik Velvet begrijp

[velvet]

जॉर्डन के लिए। मैं इस समय आपको एक पोस्ट लिख रहा हूं लेकिन इस बीच, यदि आप इस समय मंच पढ़ रहे हैं, तो मुझे आशा है कि इससे यह जानने में मदद मिलेगी कि मैं वेलवेट को समझता हूं

[velvet]

Til Jordan. Jeg skriver et indlæg til dig i øjeblikket, men i mellemtiden, hvis du læser forummet i øjeblikket, håber jeg, at dette hjælper til at vide, at jeg forstår Velvet

[velvet]

Dėl Jordanijos. Šiuo metu rašau jums įrašą, bet tuo tarpu, jei šiuo metu skaitote forumą, tikiuosi, kad tai padės suprasti, kad suprantu „Velvet“

[velvet]

Hi Jordan
By starting this thread, you are more than returning your wife’s favours to you. You feel you want to leave but you have not done so, instead you are seeking support for yourself, which is the best thing for you and ultimately is the best thing for your wife – hardly the behaviour of a lesser person – well done.
I think most members would agree that they never thought they would feel compelled to write on this forum – the addiction to gamble is not something people would expect to find central to their lives – however, if it becomes central, in my opinion, this is the best place to be – so welcome.
You probably didn’t know how you got into that big fight last week – your wife’s addiction is a master at creating scenarios where blame can be placed on anybody but the CG. Without any judgement Jordan you found yourself apologising, you reacted with love and there can be no blame attached.
At some point in her life, your wife in company with many others, gambled for fun – but for her, the addiction was a sad outcome – she neither wanted it nor asked for it, anymore than you but it is now a fact for her and unless treated her addiction will grow.
Knowledge of your wife’s addiction will help you cope and there is a lot to learn. I remember being overwhelmed by information when I stood in your shoes many years ago so for this first reply to you I will focus on one thing you said. – “She cancelled a family vacation tonight that was supposed to happen in August. She said it was because of timing but I could tell it was because she was angry”.
Many CGs are not aware that their behaviour is recognized so I suggest you perhaps have a look at the gamblersanonymous web page and print off the 20 questions. Question 2 and 13 directly relate to your wife’s words. Leave the 20 questions for your wife to see – it is perhaps best not to hand them to her as this would probably provoke an argument. Sometimes a CG will screw them up and discard them but I have heard of many instances where the CG has returned to the bin and read the contents due to curiosity. Hearing, reading, finding out about her behaviour from a source, that is not her loved one, is hopefully far more thought provoking because undoubtedly she will feel that you cannot understand and your opinion is therefore not relevant.
One last question – has she ever accepted her addiction?
I will leave this first post there and wait to hear from you. You are right that you cannot save the love of your life but you can help her, you can be a tremendous support to her and she can change. I wouldn’t be writing to you now if I didn’t know that this addiction can be controlled and amazing lives lived as a result.

Velvet

[velvet]

<

Hello Jason

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Michelle

A massive coping mechanism for relieving pent up anger and frustration is to write a secret journal. Committing bad experiences to paper, instead of having them whirl relentlessly around in your brain, is a powerful method with which to unleash your pent-up anger. Pour the bad stuff out with no regard for spelling or grammar or the feelings of anybody else – write it just for you. This was what I did and I found that following each crazed writing session I would feel drained but I would also have a tremendous feeling of release. I didn’t re-read what I had written but printed the pages off and I kept them in a secret file. I never felt the need to re-read them because it was like having an external hard-drive for my mind – a place to hold my pain.

I have also heard about people writing things down and then burning the pages – or taking them to the top of a hill, reading each documented detail through for one final time and then tearing them up and throwing them to the 4 winds whilst yelling at the top of their voices – ‘I am relieved of this particular memory’.

I did eventually destroy my file and although I did it after my CG changed his life – it was all about ‘my’ recovery, not his. I destroyed it gradually over a long period of time, one page at a time – as I recovered. The damage caused by the addiction to gamble builds up over time and therefore, in my opinion, recovery does not come quickly or easily – but for those who have had this experience, I believe that fighting for their personal recovery should come first or else the addiction has won another victim which is totally unacceptable.

While your partner is not under your roof and your daughter is your main concerns it seems to me that keeping a dialogue going with her father is important – unless you feel he is damaging her. I know my approach seems to be softly, softly and therefore perhaps a bit negative but I think from your particular thread this is the better way – the iron fist in the velvet glove. I don’t believe that keeping a dialogue open is enablement; I think you recognise enablement and therefore you can avoid it – you can always come and push your concerns around about it, on here.

Once again I hope there is something here to help you but you know where I am if you want to push any more thoughts around

Velvet

[velvet]

<

Hello Gov and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[Author]

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