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جے ایل کے کے لیے۔

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Untuk JLK

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Hi JLK
You have come to the right place.
Your post is brilliant and there is a lot in it but unfortunately I have just come home and it is late so I will not be able to reply in full to you tonight.
I assure you that nobody here will tell you to run and equally they will not tell you to stay. On this forum you will get information about the addiction to gamble so that you can make your own informed decision.
I understand everything that you have written and I think it is terrific that you have started this thread – the first post is always the hardest.
I am going to bring up my thread entitled ‘The F&C Cycle’ which I hope will help you understand some of what is going on with your boyfriend. I will come back soon though and deal with the specifics you have listed.
Well done writing this post, the first one is always the hardest. I hope it helps you to know that everything you have written is understood here.
Velvet

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Hello JLK

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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Hi Caroline
It is amazing how easy it is to forget to think ‘how am I?’ when you are in the midst of addiction. Constantly worrying about your partner’s welfare and behaviour will almost certainly have kept you in the loop of his addiction.
It is good that you have now thought about yourself and great that you can see a difference in how you feel. Your partner almost certainly does not create mess just to upset you; his mind is addled by an addiction that creates messy thinking resulting in messy behaviour. What you have achieved, hopefully, is to bring the mess he was creating to his attention by not mentioning it.
I do understand the smile but be careful to keep it inside you – you are learning more about his addiction than he knows. His addiction will have taken away his self-esteem and confidence just as it will have done yours and his world is very sad and confusing.
I think you express your feelings fantastically and I hope I understand them and answer you adequately.
V
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Hi Hope
It is my belief that when we don’t know what to do it is best to do nothing but to stand still, think and discuss until, with enough information, an informed decision can be made.
A CG telling you to stay so that he can achieve stability is all very well if you are able to cope with staying, it depends on how ‘you’ feel. You cannot make his stop gambling. Is he seeking support to control his addiction because if he isn’t making any physical effort then his words, in my view, don’t count for much? .
Separation, in my view, does not need to end in divorce – his words could be further manipulation to make you behave or maybe he is afraid that this will be the only conclusion of you leaving.
Only you can know if you are leaving in the hope of forcing a change but that is not a good reason to leave.
Speak again soon Hope – maybe you can be more sure of what it is you want and what you hope to achieve if you push more thoughts around. Your earlier posts suggested that leaving him could well be for the best but this last post is less sure.
I hope some of this helps
Velvet

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