[velvet]

Hello Sophie

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Kathryn
You say that you are not sure how to go about fixing this but you do know what to do and you have made a start by posting here.
Risk and uncertainly can be overtly or covertly played with and manipulated and while not technically gambling (in other words dry) you are allowing your mind to place bets and in doing so your are posing a real threat to you recovery. You will soon not be able to shake of the excitement this behaviour is instilling in you Kathryn – I urge you to go back to the start of your thread and read it all again.
You have lost your way but you can find yourself again and be the person you want to be. An escape that makes you feel lost and lonely is not an escape, it is a pitiless drop into activating your addiction
Keep posting and disable your account immediately – don’t put it off – let us know when you have done it.
Well done posting
Velvet

[velvet]

<

Hello HQ and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

<

Hello HQ and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

<

Hello Leigh and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Retail Magpie
Well done starting your thread.
You don’t say if this is the first time that your husband has indulged in such unacceptable behaviour so I am not entirely sure how to support you best.
Assuming this is the first time I suggest you ask him to look at this site or contact our helpline which is anonymous, one-to-one, private and judgement-free. Compulsive gambling starts with a simple gamble which is an activity enjoyed by thousands of people every day with no ill-effects; it’s just a night out with friends, a bit of harmless entertainment. Unfortunately for some, addiction is the consequence of this activity. If a compulsive gambler knew that addiction was going to be the result of a trip to a casino they would never go in the first place. It bring misery to those who own the addiction, misery to those around them; loss of friends, family, home and happiness.
If this is the first time your husband has behaved like this he might be able to explain to you how he felt when he gambled. If he felt he couldn’t walk away or didn’t want to walk away then the warning signs are there for him.
Nobody asks for or wants an addiction to gamble but to stop it becoming insurmountable it is important to accept that there is a problem and get support. In my opinion it is important that you don’t lose your cool when you talk to your husband, if he has a problem he will probably be frightened and ashamed – listening to him will help him and help you to understand what is going on.
It is important that he understands that gambling to win back the money he has lost is the worst thing he can do. Our helpline would be pleased to explain this to him and to answer any other worries he may have.
The support is here and I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled.
I will leave this first post to you here and await your reply
You are being heard and understood
Velvet

[velvet]

<

Hello dd

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

<

Hello Mosrael and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Hope
Please start you own thread, you have left a lot of yourself in this post to another member that would benefit, I am sure, from having individual support.
I can see where you are coming from but at the same time I am not sure that I can follow your thread through to all the conclusions you have made.
The Gamanon group that I belonged to was a mixture of depression and positivity which I believe is probably the make-up of most groups of human beings, this site always aims for the positive. However I am not of the opinion that quitting is inevitable and I cannot accept that complete passivity is a healthy way forward for those who love CGs
Having said that, I can hear you have taken on board a lot of things about the addiction to gamble, however, I believe it would be beneficial to you to start your own thread so that you can learn and understand more about ‘your’ unique experience.
Hoping to hear from you
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Louise
I don’t hear anything horrible when you say you want to help your partner but you hate him, I only hear a person who doesn’t know which way to turn.
I am really sorry to read that your family didn’t give you the support you needed and now you feel you are in a corner with nowhere to go. I hope you will find the understanding you recieve here will give you the support you deserve.
Understanding your partner’s addiction may help you. It is a selfish addiction and it hurts those closest to it but it doesn’t mean the owner of the addiction is bad. You have said that you believe that he is gamble-free for months ; it is easier not to mention poor behaviour when the times are good for fear of upsetting the balance and you are probably living in hope that things will change, however your partner needs to accept he has a problem if he is to be gamble-free indefinitely. I suggest you download from the Gamblers Anonymous website the ’20 questions’ and let him see them – it is quite possible that he is not aware that his problem is recognised and that there is a lot of support for him. Just as you probably felt alone until you found this forum, your partner will, undoubtedly be feeling alone with his problem and he probably has no idea how to go about changing his life for the better.
It is ‘possible’ that your son’s birthday is a trigger for his latest poor behaviour. His child’s birthday will probably be a strong reminder to him that he has not behaved responsibly for the young life he helped create and gambling is his way of escaping from reality – unfortunately, for the CG gambling only brings more losses and more feelings of failure and so the cycle goes on.
Your partner needs treatment if he is to change his life and that treatment is available on this site, in GA or on the fantastic Gordon Moody programme. He is not alone, he is understood and he can change.
I believe it is important to inform CGs where support is to be found and it is great when they know that someone is ready to support them while they seek that support. However, you cannot save your partner, only he can do that.
What you can do is to protect yourself from his addiction and put yourself first which is good for you and really is the best thing you can do for him. Your partner didn’t ask for or want his addiction anymore than you – CGs would love to be able to gamble for fun as others do but your partner cannot do that. He doesn’t deliberately hurt you which is why looking after yourself is so important.
I don’t know how old your son is on Tuesday but if he is still young enough not to understand what is going on then I am sure he will just be happy with his mother smiling and loving him and hopefully his father will come to see that being there for his son is what his child wants most and it costs nothing.
Keep posting Louise and maybe you could pop into an F&F group on Tuesdays where you will be very welcome – it is good to ‘talk’ in real time and the groups are private, nothing said in the group appears on the forum.

Speak soon

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Maverick
There is nothing that says you should post in F&F and there is nothing to say you should not.
When I was in Gamanon years ago a CG from the GA room put his head round the door to tell his wife that he was going home as he had been on his own for the last hour. His wife and I were the only people in Gamanon that night and she and I asked him if he would join us for a cup of coffee, so he stayed and talked. At that time the only CG voice I had heard was the one affecting my life and I had tremendous trust issues with all that I had heard – I didn’t believe that there was an addiction to gamble, I thought it was just another lie and I was being led up another crazy path. This man told me his story without trying to excuse himself or bamboozle me and my eyes began to open to the possibility that the addiction was real but more importantly he was living proof that it could be controlled and not only that but a fantastic life was possible. He was a lovely man, he had a lightness of spirit about him, he empathised with me as nobody else had done, he was different to anybody else I knew at that time, his honesty was mind-blowing and he was easy to talk to and understand – in fact the opposite of everything I had expected.
That evening and that man have stayed in my thoughts ever since. Happily, that man was to be only the first of many CGs I have had the pleasure of knowing who have fought for a life free of addiction and won. The addiction can be controlled and kept down with determination and wonderful, fruitful, special lives can be lived as a result. Knowing that keeps me here on this site.
Your post to an F&F member reminded me of that evening in Gamanon when a man shared with me and made a difference. You didn’t intrude in F&F; you posted to another person who, like you, doesn’t want the addiction to gamble in her life.
Nobody can know when a true recovery begins but begin they do and a true recovery only has to be begun once – I wish you well you Maverick – I know you can do this.
As always
Velvet

[velvet]

<

Hello Jamie and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Kitkat
CGs (compulsive gamblers) really can change their lives and live gamble-free – if it wasn’t so I wouldn’t be here writing to you. However nobody including the CG and those who love them can ever know for sure when a genuine recovery starts and all recoveries, in my opinion, will cause those who know about the addiction to have some doubts. Following your bf’s lengthy manipulations, lies and deceit it would unwise for you to trust that this show of recovery is 100% real BUT it could be. What makes you think your bf is only ‘going through the motions by attending GA? Has he attended in the past or sought other support before?
Is the situation with your parents such that you cannot stay with them for any length of time? Are your parents supportive ? It would be quite normal for your parents to want you to end this relationship but in this forum you will never have it suggested that you stay or leave; because it is important that all decision come from you and I believe that it will be easier for you to make those decisions when you have more knowledge of your bf’s addiction.
Sometimes it is good to make the most of time apart as it gives you time to think and to work out what it is that you really want. Your self-esteem and confidence will undoubtedly have taken a few knocks during this experience and it can be easy to forget about yourself in the middle of the confusion – but you are important and although you cannot save your bf you can save yourself which ultimately is the best thing for both of you.
At the moment you are probably seeing everything your bf has ever done through a fog of misery and confusion but I think it is worth noting that your bf would have gambled just as you did at the beginning – for fun and he couldn’t have known that addiction was to be his lot; sadly by the time he possibly realised he had a problem it would have been too late for him to sort himself out without support. He has an addition that he neither wanted nor asked for.
His poor behaviour is the consequence of his addiction. To change his life he has to accept he has an addiction which hopefully he will be doing in GA. I suggest you watch his behaviour following his meetings and see if he is lighter in spirit; perhaps you could listen to what he has to say and then hopefully with the knowledge you can get here you will maybe begin to see what is good and what is not.
I will leave this post here Kitkat and wait to hear from you again. You have done fantastically writing your first post which is always the hardest, you are welcome to vent as much as you like and you can rest assured that everything you say is understood. In the meantime please look after ‘you’, see friends, enjoy hobbies, collect your thoughts and each day try to ensure that you spend some time when you refuse to think about gambling.
I have an F&F group on Tuesday between 20.00-2100 hours UK time and it would be great to meet you and communicate in real time – but please keep posting too as your input will be read by many others and none of us can know how much our shared experiences can help.
Speak soon
Velvet

[velvet]

<

Hello Chris and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Louise
I am glad that you have stumbled on to this website and I hope that before long you will be less scared and more able to cope. Knowledge of your partner’s addiction will give you power over it and help you to make the right judgements for your future and the future of your partner and your son.
I know only too well the feeling that everything has been tried and nothing has worked – but here you are trying something different and that is excellent.
Unfortunately I can’t write as much as I would like to at the moment but I will post to you again soon – I just wanted to let you know, as soon as possible, that you were being heard and understood.
I wouldn’t be here, Louise, if the addiction to gamble could not be controlled so stick with us and hopefully you will soon see your way forward.
Velvet

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