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यह रॉकी के लिए है

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αυτό είναι για τον Rocky

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este é para o Rocky

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celui-ci est pour Rocky

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this one is for Rocky

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šis skirtas Rokiui

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este es para Rocky

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cái này dành cho Rocky

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Hi Rocky
There is nothing selfish in wanting to live without severe stress and worry.
I have brought my ‘F&F Cycle’ thread up for you – hopefully you will see that everything you are saying is recognised and understood. You are not responsible for your partner gambling, it is his choice to do so, not yours – you are not to blame in any way,
You are in a place here where you are understood Rocky but it would help if you could tell me a little more so that I can support you in the way that is right for you.
If we were sitting together I would be asking you ‘what is it that you really want to do?’ What are the repercussions that you are scared about? Are you worried that 2 suicides in the family might give him the idea to follow suit?
Do you have a supportive family and good friends?
I was hoping to ‘see’ you in the F&F group tonight; it would be good to ‘meet’ in real time.
I hope you will stick with us and gain knowledge about the addiction that will give you power over it and help you cope. I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so.
Keep posting
Velvet

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Hello Rock Star

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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Hi Dadda

I believe that the best way to go forward is to leave the past behind but I appreciate that you feel that the past is affecting you today and will carry on affecting you tomorrow. I would imagine that all those who have had the addiction to gamble in their lives will have suffered financial loss and I know that lives are altered by the financial loss as well as the emotional. Gambling throws money away that is never to be seen again and no amount of ‘if onlys or what ifs’ will make a scrap of difference.
I believe that counselling, medication and/or time is the answer for your horrendous panic attacks – for me it was time and Gamanon where I spoke to those who understood my experience.
I appreciate that many people research into the things that have affected them and that that this is the way you are trying to deal with your situation –it is the path that I eventually took. The more I read your posts, however, the more I am wondering if the research you have gone into isn’t misleading you because in my view, your ex-husband’s gambling appears to be only part of his problem. We have a large CG community here who have accepted their addiction and whom I would imagine must struggle to see themselves in your posts – the violence and the sort of abuse you received is not usual. I am sure your CG cannot expect to get further enablement from you – enablement is usually the sole purpose for a CG to keep any sort of inter-active relationship alive and your relationship is over.
You have had words of thanks for your support in other threads so you are definitely not being ignored but your own thread makes for difficult reading and therefore replies are possibly less likely.
I am sincerely glad that you know that I am not trying to slam you or be negative – I am here only to support.
I don’t know if you have ever read the following words which are in the Gamanon handbook and which spoke to me when I was struggling for answers. Maybe they will help
YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW.

There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities – yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

I really hope you will find your answers and find the peace of mind that you deserve.
Velvet

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Hi Three Times
I can only give you knowledge of the addiction – what you do with that knowledge as a result of what you learn, has to be in your hands but I will support you in whatever decision you make. A major part of ‘your’ recovery is to retake control of your own life. Your CG partner has been making poor decisions that have affected you and I suspect your self-esteem and confidence will have been shaken badly having been in this situation 3 times – it is time for you to look after youself.
I am sorry you are receiving threats of suicide, it is sadly not uncommon and of course it is the most frightening threat a CG can make, however, you cannot save your partner, only he can do that – just like you, he has to make his own choices.
I suggest it is an attempt to deflect from his poor behaviour when he accuses you of ‘screwing around’, you know the truth so please don’t let such lies stop you looking after yourself.
Were you able to download the Gamblers anonymous 20 questions? They do help CGs to recognise their problem whist hopefully letting them know that there is support for them. Perhaps you could ask him to look at the GA-20 questions when he is a better frame of mine such as when you have been out for a meal.
In my opinion you should not trust him at the moment, maybe you could ask him to start giving you receipts which is what many CGs do who recognise they have a problem.
I hope, from what you have written that you have support from your brother, sister and sister-in-law during this really tough time.
Your partner will almost certainly believe that his addiction will look after him so that leaves you without support from him – so please look after yourself first and keep posting.
Velvet

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Hi Lost
I appreciate that you are finding it hard to keep your emotions in check and I wonder if the following coping method, that I successfully used, would help.
I used was to write letters to myself, addressing my words to my soul; I typed all the painful incidents, committing each terrible memory to paper which I then filed. I found that by putting those thoughts in a kind of external hard-drive I stopped that particular bad memory swirling round and round in my brain with no outlet – the file held it so I didn’t need to. Whenever my thoughts were overwhelming me, usually once a day, I would go and bash it out on my keyboard until I felt it had left me. I wrote angrily, aggressively, tearfully – I didn’t care about grammar, punctuation, being politically correct or even making sense, I used capital letters, underlining, different colours and expletives that I would never actually say – I smashed the words out to clear my brain and stop it exploding. As each page was committed to the file I would say aloud that I was releasing myself from that particular pain; I remember feeling exhausted but relieved every time I finished a letter. I hid the file well because it was never meant for anybody to see – it was private, it was mine. The file was quite thick in the end. When I started my recovery I kept it for quite a long time feeling that if I destroyed it I would have to retake the memories back into my head. My CG did turn his life around sometime later and I gradually destroyed the pages without reading them BUT it was not his recovery that gave me the greatest impetus to ‘live’ without pain – it was mine.
It would be good for you, in my opinion, to keep a journal anyway, recording what your ex-partner has said or done so that a lawyer can see the events without you having to relive them.
I hope some of this helps – keep posting, you are being listened to and understood
Velvet

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Hi Three Times
You seem very sure of what it is that you are going to do and I would be very surprised if you said you were not feeling very sad. Leaving is hard but I know that sometimes it is the only way and sometimes it is the right way for both the CG and the person who loves them.
Has your partner ever admitted he has an addiction, has he ever tried to do anything about It?
I hope that now you have found this site you will see that we offer tremendous support for CGs on our Helpline, in our CG groups and in ‘My Journal’ forum; there is also GA who offer great support. I believe it is important to point CGs in the right direction towards support because many don’t know that there is help and often they feel very alone in the belief that nobody understands them – just as you probably felt. Perhaps you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20 questions for him which you can find on the gamblersanonymous web site because maybe your partner doesn’t realise the damage his behaviour has caused.
Ultimatums do not work with CGs unless you mean to carry out the threat, whatever it is, so if you are not 100% sure that leaving is the right thing for you, I hope you will keep posting and maybe join the F&F group on Tuesdays 20.00-21.00 hours UK time because knowledge will give you the ability to make the right informed decision.
I hope you will keep posting – I believe that support is great for those living with someone with the addiction to gamble but I also believe it is equally important to have support when you are going to stick with a CG or leave them; the addiction affects so many aspects of our lives.
Keep in touch, my thoughts are with you
Velvet

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Hello Jennaraye and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

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