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Hello DD

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

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Hello Shelly

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our

privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

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Hello Courage and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

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Hello SB and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi 3 Timer
Do not regret putting your wedding on hold; a bride at 38 who loves the man she is to marry and trusts him is so much better than a bride at 35 with an insurmountable pile of regrets by the time she is 38.
How did you get on with the 20 questions? They are an excellent guide for you and for your partner.
Your nephew has given you grounds for doubt about the extent of your partner’s gambling and you have, in my opinion, reacted sensibly to that doubt – especially as your partner tried to chase his losses by gambling which is one of the signs of addiction. Of course it might be possible that you have over-reacted because of your previous experiences but lack of trust, for whatever reason, in my view, is not a good basis for making a life-long commitment.
I obviously cannot answer why your nephew would say what he did if it wasn’t true – does he have a problem with drink and drugs as your partner has suggested?
Were your talks heated or calm? Did your partner take any of the blame for your concerns or was the blame all placed on you? If he is an active CG it will probably be harder to determine whether he is actually gambling now because he will probably be more careful to hide his activity from you but if he is active his behaviour should speak volumes. I explained the ups and downs of the addiction to gamble in ‘the F&F Cycle’ thread which, at the moment is 3 threads below yours – maybe it will help.
Even though you are confused and probably a bit frightened, at the moment, it is better to be sure and hopefully you will get the reassurance you deserve. You feel crushed that you have had your wedding postponed but you are still together and your son has his dad so use your time carefully to build up your strength and keep communications open.
Keep posting 3-Timer – from all you have said there is a ‘possibility’ that your partner has crossed the line into addiction but equally there is a possibility that he has shocked himself with his poor behaviour and has stopped at the threshold –either way he would do well to go to GA or communicate with our Helpline, for the sake of himself as well as you and his son.
I wish you well
Velvet

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Dear MM
I think at times of self-doubt we analyse ourselves and possibly tend to over-analyse looking for solutions that frankly are not there or if they are will not give us the answers we want.
In times of self-analysis I often ask myself why this or that happened but the answers are not always mine to be had. Your experience is a result of you being you but it is also a result of your CG’s personality and addiction, your family’s contribution to the way you are and all the various people you have met along your way.
I don’t believe that trying to understand now why your husband took your car against your will and smashed its windows will advance you one jot but I also find it hard to believe that wondering why you still tried to care for such a man will help you either. It is what you felt then – and at that time, for all his faults, you still saw in your CG some goodness and you were affected by that intangible thing we call love. Your upbringing possibly made you feel that no matter what the world saw in your husband you were going to find the good – you were trying to save him from himself – and I find no fault in that. You were doing everything wrong but, oh boy, you were doing it for all the right reasons.
When you stand back and look at yourself I hope you will learn to see the good in you – the person who wanted to get it right, the person who wanted to see the best in someone that the world would struggle to love. If being that person is wrong then I will not understand either.
It is what you do now MM that matters, now that you know that another person can tie you up in knots that you don’t deserve, causing you to wonder how you got there. It is important to protect yourself with ‘barriers’ – self-imposed safety devices that help you never to fall into the same trap again. I believe the way to avoid pitfall in the future is to ask better questions of yourself and those you meet and to accept that you cannot undo the past. The most important thing I believe about the experience of having the addition to gamble in your life is to treat it as just another part of your education, the extra class you didn’t mean to take, and turn it into something good for the future.
I hope you will soon leave the past firmly where it belong – in the past. You are a unique and very special person with a lot to offer and many people will benefit from knowing you. You are now a person with an experience behind you that most people will only imagine in their nightmares – use it MM, use it to make your future a better place – I know you can do it.
Hope to see you tonight
V

[velvet]

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Hello Adam and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

<

Hello Successful and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi 3 Timer
This site is not qualified to discuss your partner’s apparent control issues but the couples counselling seems an excellent and positive way for you both to deal with this problem.
Nomore is right that an active CG will do almost anything to feed his/her addiction but you have now posed the question ‘how do I find out if he really is a cg?’. I suggest that you look on the Gambers Anonymous web site and download the 20-questions – perhaps read them through first and see how you would rate your partner and then show him and see how he would rate himself. The addiction to gamble hardens over time but it is possible to have a problem with gambling that does not become a full-blown addiction; treatment will still be required if such a problem exists and the earlier the better. I believe the 20 questions will help you and your partner to know where he is on the addiction scale. The easy money fix is being bandied about every day in the media and many people will have tried to ‘win’ money to cover bills – the danger for the potential CG is that having experienced the gamble they cannot stop.
In my opinion, if your partner is a CG then his promises, without treatment, are not worth anything. If he has a problem that has not developed into an addiction then with treatment he will be able to learn to control his desire to gamble.
It isn’t wrong for you to ‘want him to do it on his own and then show me how he has changed’. Knowing that you are supporting him will help him but support doesn’t mean going back with the situation unresolved – he is saying the right things but now he has to act if you are to have any hope of trusting him. I believe the distance between you may keep him aware that he has to do something positive while at the same time allowing you worry-free time in which to gain strength and recover yourself.
I will wait to hear from you again before writing further but keep posting and posing your questions and feelings – hopefully you will soon begin to see your way clear to what is right for you.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi 3 Timer
It seems to me you are giving your partner a chance because your are not telling him there is no hope, so now it is up to him to prove to you that he is going to live a gamble-free life.
The first sticking point is obviously his refusal to admit he has a problem but maybe, just maybe, if he does go to GA he will learn to accept. There are CGs who go to GA and pay lip-service but the other members are only too aware when this happens – they are all there because of a shared addiction to gamble after all. As was said to me a long time ago ‘you can’t kid a kidder’.
I smiled at all your ‘I wish’ words dotted throughout your post. I would wish all the things that you wish but I know that no amount of me wishing will change a thing. I learned not to do ‘if only’ ‘what ifs’ and ‘I wish’ a long time ago – it’s tough but when we do stop doing them we do begin to accept the way it is and to look for different ways to live our lives – often finding better things than we had dreamed of before. CGs have to put ‘if only’, ‘what it’ and ‘I wish’ behind them too, which might help you understand your partner’s struggle. CGs would love to gamble responsibly, the fact that they can’t is something that they struggle to accept but if they can accept that this is the way it is and look for better ways forward then they can begin to recover.
There is no overnight fix, as you have recognised, so please do things that please you this summer, enjoy new hobbies; take up old interests that got put on one side while you dealt with your partner’s addiction; live in the centre of your life and not on the periphery of his. It is so important that while CGs struggle to come to terms and accept and hopefully choose a gamble-free life that those who love them do not let hours, days and months slip by without growing themselves. If your partner learns to control his addiction, which he can, he will benefit from you living in control of your life – as a victim and part of the wreckage of his addiction you can’t help him – as a strong, determined person you can,
Why do you feel that getting an apartment with your son will close the door on a possible future relationship with your partner? If you are going to stay with your sister for 3 months only to find that your partner has either not stopped gambling, or he is trying but you are still unable to trust him, then you have not walked far up ‘your’ road of recovery. Your recovery matters 3-Timer. Don’t waste time thinking ‘‘what if’ I never can marry him’ but spend your time building up your life so that if/when he does prove he is in control of his addiction you are in a strong position to make an informed decision.
I hope some of this helps but please keep posting
Velvet

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Hi Chloe
At times like this it is important to weigh up what it is that ‘you’ really want, not what your partner says that he wants or anybody else for that matter – just you, this is your life and what you want really does count. It is easy for those who love CGs to forget themselves in the great scheme of things – to see themselves as the person who can save the CG loved one. It’s tough to accept but love does not conquer all, unconditional love is the greatest friend the addiction can have, with love’s blinkers firmly in place the addiction can grow and flourish until it destroys.
Have you talked to you family about your worries yet?
You are thinking in a mature way Chloe but I suspect that you are still young. It seems to me that your partner wanted to cement your relationship quickly which concerns me especially with Las Vegas thrown into the mix.
Keep posting Chloe, I would never suggest you stay or leave your partner, all decisions must be yours but I hope you won’t rush your decisions – if you are as worried as you seem to be at the moment I would suggest you have every reason to be very concerned. In my opinion, it would be essential for you to see positive actions towards treatment and sustained good behaviour before you could begin to trust your partner or this could well be your way your life will be.
You write that you ‘think you know the answer’ to his latest behaviour and if so, you are probably right – doing something about it is the hard bit.

Velvet

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Hello Kcc and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

este é para o Rocky

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celui-ci est pour Rocky

[velvet]

this one is for Rocky

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