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Hi JDS
I look forward to ‘meeting. you later. The group finishes very abruptly at 9 pm so I hope you get in early to give us time to talk.
VHi JDS
I hope that you will find that you can talk here and know that what you are saying is understood. It would be really good to communicate with you in real time because I do know what it is like to live with the addiction to gamble and feel unable to talk to anyone so I hope you will join me in the Friends and Family group tomorrow (Tuesday) 20.00-21.00 hours UK time – nothing said in the group appears in the forum, it is private and safe.
If you want to talk to your mum then in my opinion that is what you should do. Whether she is happy or not about you lending your father money should be immaterial – you are her child and you need and deserve support – I hope you get it.
I am glad you have arranged to see a counsellor to talk to but in the meantime i hope you will keep posting and hopefully feel less alone.
I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so
VelvetHi JDS
This must have been a terrible and frightening eye-opener for you and I am glad that you have found this site where what has happened to you and how you feel is understood.
The addiction to gamble is divisive and secretive. Your mother is possibly, probably, aware that her ex husband has a problem even if she has not, as yet, put a name to what the problem is. I am hoping you have a good relationship with your mother because, in my opinion, you could do with a lot of support emotionally and hopefully financially. The secrecy that your father demanded will have helped him get enablement for his addiction from family members and I believe it would be good if the family united to ensure your father stops borrowing and stealing. I cannot tell you what to do because all decisions must be yours but I hope that with knowledge of your father’s addiction you will be able to make informed decisions about whether, or not, to talk to your mother, your brother and other family members.
Your father has let you down and your anger is understandable. I think it is important to know, however, that your father did not ask for or want his addiction – he was not to know when he placed his first bet that for him addiction was waiting.
Now that you are aware, I believe you should tell your father that there will be no more bailing out of gambling debts or loans. I suggest you download from the Gamblers Anonymous web site the 20-questions and give them to your father so that he can see that his problem is recognised and he is not alone. I suggest that you tell him that without treatment his addiction will get worse but that treatment is available if he wants to stop wrecking his life. I believe it is important to let CGs (compulsive gamblers) know where support can be obtained and to this end maybe you could suggest to him that he goes to GA, or contacts the Helpline and/or CG groups on this site. In the UK we also have the Gordon Moody Association which is a marvelous, successful residential programme for CGs who want to live a gamble-free life.The best way to help your father and yourself is to put ‘you’ first from now on. You matter and it is important for you to never forget that your father’s addiction is his addiction, not yours – you do not have to be controlled by it. If it was me I would definitely talk to my mother but that is your decision.
I will leave this first reply to you there and await a response from you. I hope it helps knowing that you are not alone. Well done starting your thread.
Velvet