[velvet]

Hello What Do I Do and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Mariairene
Please start you own thread and/or pop into the F&F group. All support is tailored to the specific problem. I can’t answer you on somebody else’s thread but I would be delighted to support you.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Lambeau
Obviously different people have different reactions to the addiction to gamble but I do know that many CGs have a problem with intimacy. Many members and F&F I have talked to have spooken about the lack of intimacy since the addiction to gamble took hold. Imagine your CG’s head is full of sand and there is room for anything else – it is often like that with addiction – there is no space for everyday normal thoughts and activities. It is why CGs require the right treatment to control their addition, they have to learn to tip some of the sand (addiction) out, leaving room for decent, normal, honest thought – including showing love and intimacy.

Many F&F become concerned about the amount of porn that appears in the CG life which is often introduced because the CG is concerned about their lack of libido – such a lack is often felt to be just another form of failure instead of being part of the addictive thinking.

Your CG has recognised that he has an addiction and he is trying, or has tried, to control it – this can result in tremendous feelings of guilt which can affect intimacy. When he controls his addiction, hopefully he will learn to control his feelings of guilt too and worries about his sexual prowess will disappear.

I don’t think you are making excuses for your worry but I do believe that careful discussion is needed.

I am hoping you will pop into the group tomorrow because this is easier to discuss privately.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Lambeau
By starting another thread, members and staff don’t always know that you already got a thread running and it is easy for information to be lost so I will reply to you here but bring up your original thread and put the same reply on that to keep your journal running.
Obviously different people have different reactions to the addiction to gamble but I do know that many CGs have a problem with intimacy. Many members and F&F I have known have talked about lack of intimacy since the addiction to gamble took hold. Imagine your CG’s head is full of sand and there is room for anything else – it is often like that with addiction – there is no space for everyday normal thoughts and activities. It is why CGs require the right treatment to control their addition, they have to learn to tip some of the sand (addiction) out, leaving room for decent, normal, honest thought – including showing love and intimacy.
Many F&F become concerned about the amount of porn that appears in the CG life which is often introduced because the CG is concerned about their lack of libido – such a lack is often felt to be just another form of failure instead of being part of the addictive thinking.
Your CG has recognised that he has an addiction and he is trying or has tried to control it – this can result in tremendous feelings of guilt which can affect intimacy. When he controls his addiction, hopefully he will learn to control his feelings of guilt too and worries about his sexual prowess will disappear.
I don’t think you are making excuses for your worry but I do believe that careful discussion is needed.
I am hoping you will pop into the group tomorrow because this is easier to discuss privately.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Cathy
Its good to see your thread at the top again. I still think of you every Tuesday as the group clocks off and I say the Serenity Prayer.
It would be great one day if your time zone allowed us to talk in real time but in the meantime please keep posting and focusing on your life.
It s funny how our thoughts cross the miles – Vera when she sees a young man in GA and me every Tuesday. There are many good things to celebrate as a result of this site and Gamanon..
V

[velvet]

Hi Tnkerbell
I’m sorry you got the impression that I thought your boyfriend was a bad man because I am very, very aware that good people have the addiction to gamble – the sad thing is that they do terrible things as a result of the addiction and it is the addiction that doesn’t like to be thwarted and can turn good people into the ****holes that Charles mentioned.
You are very mature when you understand why he has turned to someone else – I know of many CGs who have left good relationships for someone willing to enable or (as you put it offer it on a plate) when enablement has stopped – but enablement will always be wrong. You tried to show him by withdrawing into yourself what he would lose and he either unwillingly or unwittingly mistook your motive.
I can’t really comment on the facebook problem as I personally do not do or like facebook. If she is enabling him then she will have to find her own way to deal with it because enablement feeds the addiction and the longer it goes on, the bigger it gets.
Unfortunately (or fortunately, I’m not sure which) crystal balls are not available so I cannot know your boyfriend’s outcome. What I do know from reading your posts is that you are a caring loving person who deserves to be cared for and loved and I hope you will keep seeing your good friends and focusing on yourself.
You asked how long gambling affected Charles’s life and I will tell you that it affected my CGs life for 25 years but he now lives in control of his addiction and is happy, healthy, kind and understanding. I believe that because I unwittingly enabled for 23 of those years it probably took him longer to reach the point where he had had enough. Losing you hopefully will bring your boyfriend to that point quicker.
As Charles so rightly says you can get past this.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Soloma
I’m sorry you didn’t make the group, there was another two mums in and it would have been great for you to talk to each other, however, I know life gets in the way.
I hope Worriedmama will come back to you soon but in the meantime I will answer your question as best I can and that is that it is often best not to believe what your son says simply because believing makes you more vulnerable and each let-down is more painful. With this addiction the expression ‘actions speak louder than words’ certainly applies. CGs are the masters of manipulation and words ***** for little.
You have written that he has started to put things in place and maybe these are the actions that are giving you hope. What is he doing that is different?
If your son is a CG, as you believe, then he will always be a CG but he can control his addiction and live the most wonderful gamble-free life. Likewise if he is a CG he does need the right treatment which can be found on this site, in GA or in GMA.
If you have read Worriedmama’s thread then you will have read my analogy of the addiction being a beast – it has worked for so many and helped many to realise the importance of looking after yourself.
Do you have other children? There is no need to reply but I have a thread entitled ‘Siblings’ which might help and is not far down the forum list. I also have a thread entitled ‘the F&F Cycle’ which have brought up for you which will hopefully help you realise how easy it is for F&F to become bound up in the addiction and unwittingly enable the CG.
I hope you will keep posting and please talk about ‘you’ because you matter and even though you cannot save your son you can make a big difference to the choice he makes.
Speak soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Laba diena, Soloma, atsiprašau, kad nepateikei į grupę, buvo dar viena mama ir tau būtų buvę puiku pasikalbėti, tačiau žinau, kad gyvenimas trukdo. Tikiuosi, kad „Worriedmama“ netrukus sugrįš pas jus, bet kol kas kuo geriau atsakysiu į jūsų klausimą, ir tai yra tai, kad dažnai geriausia netikėti tuo, ką sako jūsų sūnus, nes tikėjimas daro jus labiau pažeidžiamus ir kiekvienas nusivylimas yra skausmingesnis. Su šia priklausomybe išraiška „veiksmai kalba garsiau nei žodžiai“ tikrai tinka. CG yra manipuliavimo meistrai ir žodžiai ***** mažai. Jūs rašėte, kad jis pradėjo viską dėti į vietas ir galbūt tai yra veiksmai, suteikiantys jums vilties. Ką jis daro kitaip? Jei jūsų sūnus yra CG, kaip jūs tikite, jis visada bus CG, bet jis gali valdyti savo priklausomybę ir gyventi nuostabiausią gyvenimą. Panašiai, jei jis yra CG, jam reikia tinkamo gydymo, kurį galima rasti šioje svetainėje, GA ar GMA. Jei perskaitysite „Worriedmama“ giją, tuomet išgirsite mano analogiją, kad priklausomybė yra žvėris – tai daugeliui padėjo ir daugeliui padėjo suvokti, kaip svarbu rūpintis savimi. Ar turite kitų vaikų? Nereikia atsakyti, bet turiu temą pavadinimu „Seserys“, kuri gali padėti ir nėra toli forumų sąraše. Taip pat turiu temą pavadinimu „F&F ciklas“, kurią aš jums sukūriau ir kuri, tikiuosi, padės jums suprasti, kaip lengva F&F įsitraukti į priklausomybę ir netyčia įgalinti CG. Tikiuosi, kad jūs ir toliau rašysite ir kalbėsite apie „jūs“, nes jūs esate svarbūs, ir nors jūs negalite išgelbėti savo sūnaus, jūs galite padaryti didelę įtaką jo pasirinkimui. Greitai kalbėk Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Soloma
I’m sorry you didn’t make the group, there was another mum in and it would have been great for you to talk to each other, however, I know life gets in the way.
I hope Worriedmama will come back to you soon but in the meantime I will answer your question as best I can and that is that it is often best not to believe what your son says simply because believing makes you more vulnerable and each let-down is more painful. With this addiction the expression ‘actions speak louder than words’ certainly applies. CGs are the masters of manipulation and words ***** for little.
You have written that he has started to put things in place and maybe these are the actions that are giving you hope. What is he doing that is different?
If your son is a CG, as you believe, then he will always be a CG but he can control his addiction and live the most wonderful life. Likewise if he is a CG he does need the right treatment which can be found on this site, in GA or in GMA.
If you have read Worriedmama’s thread then you will have heard my analogy of the addiction being a beast – it has worked for so many and helped many to realise the importance of looking after yourself.
Do you have other children? There is no need to reply but I have a thread entitled ‘Siblings’ which might help and is not far down the forum list. I also have a thread entitled ‘the F&F Cycle’ which I have brought up for you which will hopefully help you realise how easy it is for F&F to become bound up in the addiction and unwittingly enable the CG.
I hope you will keep posting and please talk about ‘you’ because you matter and even though you cannot save your son you can make a big difference to the choice he makes.
Speak soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Hola Soloma, lamento que no estuvieras en el grupo, había otra mamá y hubiera sido genial que hablaran entre ustedes, sin embargo, sé que la vida se interpone. Espero que Worriedmama vuelva pronto a usted, pero mientras tanto responderé su pregunta lo mejor que pueda y es que a menudo es mejor no creer lo que su hijo dice simplemente porque creer lo hace más vulnerable y cada desilusión es más doloroso. Con esta adicción, ciertamente se aplica la expresión "las acciones hablan más que las palabras". Los CG son los maestros de la manipulación y las palabras ***** por poco. Has escrito que ha empezado a poner las cosas en su lugar y tal vez estas son las acciones que te están dando esperanza. ¿Qué está haciendo que sea diferente? Si tu hijo es un CG, como crees, entonces siempre será un CG, pero puede controlar su adicción y vivir la vida más maravillosa. Asimismo, si es un GC, necesita el tratamiento adecuado que se puede encontrar en este sitio, en GA o en GMA. Si ha leído el hilo de Worriedmama, entonces habrá escuchado mi analogía de que la adicción es una bestia: ha funcionado para muchos y ha ayudado a muchos a darse cuenta de la importancia de cuidarse a sí mismo. ¿Tienes otros hijos? No es necesario responder, pero tengo un hilo titulado 'Hermanos' que podría ayudar y no está muy abajo en la lista del foro. También tengo un hilo titulado 'el ciclo de F&F' que les mencioné y que, con suerte, les ayudará a darse cuenta de lo fácil que es para F&F involucrarse en la adicción y habilitar inconscientemente el CG. Espero que sigan publicando y hablen de "ustedes" porque son importantes y, aunque no pueden salvar a su hijo, pueden marcar una gran diferencia en la decisión que tome. Habla pronto Velvet

[velvet]

Xin chào Soloma, tôi xin lỗi vì bạn đã không thành lập nhóm, có một người mẹ khác tham gia và sẽ thật tuyệt khi các bạn trò chuyện với nhau, tuy nhiên, tôi biết cuộc sống đang cản trở. Tôi hy vọng Worriedmama sẽ quay lại với bạn sớm nhưng trong thời gian chờ đợi, tôi sẽ trả lời câu hỏi của bạn tốt nhất có thể và đó là điều tốt nhất là không nên tin những gì con trai bạn nói, đơn giản vì tin rằng bạn dễ bị tổn thương hơn và mỗi lần thất vọng là Đau đớn hơn. Với chứng nghiện này, cụm từ 'hành động nói lớn hơn lời nói' chắc chắn được áp dụng. CG là những bậc thầy về thao tác và lời nói ***** cho rất ít. Bạn đã viết rằng anh ấy đã bắt đầu đặt mọi thứ vào đúng vị trí và có thể đây là những hành động mang lại cho bạn hy vọng. Anh ấy đang làm gì mà có khác? Nếu con trai bạn là một CG, như bạn tin, thì nó sẽ luôn là một CG nhưng nó có thể kiểm soát cơn nghiện của mình và sống một cuộc sống tuyệt vời nhất. Tương tự như vậy, nếu anh ta là một CG, anh ta cần được điều trị thích hợp có thể tìm thấy trên trang web này, trong GA hoặc trong GMA. Nếu bạn đã đọc chủ đề của Worriedmama thì bạn sẽ nghe thấy sự ví von của tôi về việc nghiện ngập là một con quái thú – nó đã có tác dụng với rất nhiều người và giúp nhiều người nhận ra tầm quan trọng của việc chăm sóc bản thân. Bạn có những đứa con khác? Không cần phải trả lời nhưng tôi có một chủ đề mang tên 'Anh chị em' có thể giúp ích và không nằm xa trong danh sách diễn đàn. Tôi cũng có một chủ đề mang tên 'Chu trình F&F' mà tôi đã đưa ra cho bạn, hy vọng sẽ giúp bạn nhận ra việc F&F dễ bị ràng buộc vào cơn nghiện và vô tình kích hoạt CG. Tôi hy vọng bạn sẽ tiếp tục đăng bài và hãy nói về 'bạn' bởi vì bạn quan trọng và mặc dù bạn không thể cứu con trai của mình, nhưng bạn có thể tạo ra sự khác biệt lớn đối với sự lựa chọn của nó. Nói sớm Velvet

[velvet]

Hej Soloma Jeg er ked af, at du ikke kom med i gruppen, der var en anden mor i, og det ville have været fantastisk for dig at tale med hinanden, men jeg ved, at livet kommer i vejen. Jeg håber, at Worriedmama snart vender tilbage til dig, men i mellemtiden vil jeg besvare dit spørgsmål så godt jeg kan, og det er, at det ofte er bedst ikke at tro på, hvad din søn siger, simpelthen fordi at tro gør dig mere sårbar, og hver nedtur er mere smertefuldt. Med denne afhængighed gælder udtrykket 'handlinger, der taler højere end ord', bestemt. CG'er er mestre i manipulation og ord ***** for lidt. Du har skrevet, at han er begyndt at sætte tingene på plads, og måske er det de handlinger, der giver dig håb. Hvad gør han, der er anderledes? Hvis din søn er en CG, som du tror, så vil han altid være en CG, men han kan kontrollere sin afhængighed og leve det mest vidunderlige liv. På samme måde, hvis han er en CG, har han brug for den rigtige behandling, som kan findes på dette websted, i GA eller i GMA. Hvis du har læst Worriedmamas tråd, vil du have hørt min analogi om, at afhængigheden er et dyr – det har fungeret for så mange og hjulpet mange til at indse vigtigheden af at passe på dig selv. Har du andre børn? Der er ingen grund til at svare, men jeg har en tråd med titlen 'Søskende', som kan hjælpe og er ikke langt ned på forumlisten. Jeg har også en tråd med titlen 'F & F -cyklen', som jeg har bragt for dig, som forhåbentlig vil hjælpe dig med at indse, hvor let det er for F&F at blive bundet til afhængigheden og ubevidst aktivere CG. Jeg håber, at du vil blive ved med at skrive og snakke om 'dig', fordi du er vigtig, og selvom du ikke kan redde din søn, kan du gøre en stor forskel for det valg, han træffer. Tal snart fløjl

[velvet]

Hi Soloma Jiddispjaċini li ma għamiltx il-grupp, kien hemm omm oħra u kien ikun tajjeb għalik li tkellem lil xulxin, madankollu, naf li l-ħajja tfixkel. Nispera li Worriedmama terġa 'tiġi għandek malajr imma sadanittant inwieġeb il-mistoqsija tiegħek kemm nista' u li spiss huwa l-aħjar li ma temminx dak li jgħid ibnek sempliċement għax li temmen tagħmlek aktar vulnerabbli u kull let-down huwa aktar bl-uġigħ. B'din id-dipendenza ċertament tapplika l-espressjoni 'azzjonijiet jitkellmu iktar mill-kliem'. Is-CGs huma s-sidien tal-manipulazzjoni u l-kliem ***** għal ftit. Int ktibt li beda jpoġġi l-affarijiet f'posthom u forsi dawn huma l-azzjonijiet li qed jagħtuk tama. X'qed jagħmel hu differenti? Jekk ibnek huwa CG, kif temmen int, allura hu dejjem ikun CG imma jista 'jikkontrolla l-vizzju tiegħu u jgħix l-isbaħ ħajja. Bl-istess mod jekk huwa CG għandu bżonn it-trattament it-tajjeb li jista 'jinstab f'dan is-sit, f'AG jew f'GMA. Jekk qrajt il-ħajta ta 'Worriedmama allura tkun smajt l-analoġija tiegħi li l-vizzju huwa kruha – ħadmet għal ħafna u għen lil bosta biex jirrealizzaw l-importanza li tieħu ħsieb tiegħek innifsek. Għandek tfal oħra? M'hemmx bżonn li nwieġbu imma għandi thread intitolata 'Aħwa' li tista 'tgħin u mhix' il bogħod mil-lista tal-forum. Għandi wkoll thread intitolat "iċ-Ċiklu F&F" li ġibt għalik li nisperaw jgħinek tirrealizza kemm huwa faċli għal F&F li jintrabtu fil-vizzju u bla ma jixtiequ jippermettu s-CG. Nispera li tibqa 'tibgħat u jekk jogħġbok tkellem dwar' int 'għax int importanti u għalkemm ma tistax issalva lil ibnek tista' tagħmel differenza kbira fl-għażla li jagħmel. Tkellem dalwaqt Velvet

[velvet]

Hej Soloma Jag är ledsen att du inte kom med i gruppen, det var en mamma till och det hade varit bra för dig att prata med varandra, men jag vet att livet kommer i vägen. Jag hoppas att Worriedmama snart kommer tillbaka till dig men under tiden kommer jag att svara på din fråga så gott jag kan och det är att det ofta är bäst att inte tro vad din son säger helt enkelt för att tro gör dig mer sårbar och varje nedsläpp är mer smärtsamt. Med denna missbruk gäller verkligen uttrycket "handlingar talar högre än ord". CG är mästare i manipulation och ord ***** för lite. Du har skrivit att han har börjat sätta saker på plats och kanske är det de handlingarna som ger dig hopp. Vad gör han som är annorlunda? Om din son är en CG, som du tror, kommer han alltid att vara en CG men han kan kontrollera sitt beroende och leva det underbaraste livet. Likaså om han är en CG behöver han rätt behandling som kan hittas på denna webbplats, i GA eller i GMA. Om du har läst Worriedmamas tråd så har du hört min analogi av att missbruket är ett odjur – det har fungerat för så många och hjälpt många att inse vikten av att ta hand om sig själv. Har du andra barn? Det finns inget behov av att svara men jag har en tråd med titeln 'Syskon' som kan hjälpa och ligger inte långt ner på forumlistan. Jag har också en tråd med titeln 'F & F -cykeln' som jag tagit upp för dig som förhoppningsvis hjälper dig att inse hur lätt det är för F&F att bli bunden i missbruket och omedvetet aktivera CG. Jag hoppas att du kommer att fortsätta att publicera och snälla prata om "du" eftersom du spelar roll och även om du inte kan rädda din son kan du göra stor skillnad för det val han gör. Tala snart sammet

[velvet]

हाय सोलोमा मुझे खेद है कि आपने समूह नहीं बनाया, इसमें एक और माँ थी और आपके लिए एक-दूसरे से बात करना बहुत अच्छा होता, हालाँकि, मुझे पता है कि जीवन रास्ते में आता है। मुझे आशा है कि वोरीडममा जल्द ही आपके पास वापस आएगी, लेकिन इस बीच मैं आपके प्रश्न का सबसे अच्छा उत्तर दूंगा और वह यह है कि अक्सर यह सबसे अच्छा होता है कि आपका बेटा जो कहता है उस पर विश्वास न करें, क्योंकि विश्वास करना आपको अधिक कमजोर बनाता है और प्रत्येक लेट डाउन होता है अधिक दर्दनाक। इस लत के साथ 'कार्य शब्दों से अधिक जोर से बोलते हैं' अभिव्यक्ति निश्चित रूप से लागू होती है। सीजी हेरफेर के उस्ताद हैं और शब्द ***** थोड़े से हैं। आपने लिखा है कि उसने चीजों को जगह देना शुरू कर दिया है और शायद यही वो हरकतें हैं जो आपको उम्मीद दे रही हैं। वह क्या कर रहा है यह अलग है? यदि आपका बेटा सीजी है, जैसा कि आप मानते हैं, तो वह हमेशा सीजी रहेगा लेकिन वह अपनी लत को नियंत्रित कर सकता है और सबसे शानदार जीवन जी सकता है। इसी तरह यदि वह एक सीजी है तो उसे सही उपचार की आवश्यकता है जो इस साइट पर, जीए या जीएमए में पाया जा सकता है। अगर आपने वोरिदमामा के सूत्र को पढ़ा है तो आपने मेरी व्यसन के एक जानवर होने की उपमा सुनी होगी – इसने बहुतों के लिए काम किया है और कई लोगों को खुद की देखभाल करने के महत्व को महसूस करने में मदद की है। क्या आपके अन्य बच्चे हैं? उत्तर देने की कोई आवश्यकता नहीं है, लेकिन मेरे पास 'भाई-बहन' नामक एक सूत्र है जो मदद कर सकता है और फ़ोरम सूची से बहुत नीचे नहीं है। मेरे पास 'द एफ एंड एफ साइकिल' नामक एक थ्रेड भी है जो मैं आपके लिए लाया हूं जो उम्मीद है कि आपको यह महसूस करने में मदद मिलेगी कि एफ एंड एफ के लिए लत में बंधे रहना और अनजाने में सीजी को सक्षम करना कितना आसान है। मुझे आशा है कि आप पोस्ट करते रहेंगे और कृपया 'आप' के बारे में बात करें क्योंकि आप मायने रखते हैं और भले ही आप अपने बेटे को नहीं बचा सकते हैं, लेकिन आप उसके द्वारा किए गए चुनाव में एक बड़ा बदलाव ला सकते हैं। जल्दी बोलो

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