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Hei Sweepy Selv om tap av penger er et massivt problem for de som elsker CG -er (tvangsspillere), gjør løgn og generell dårlig oppførsel mer vondt. Har din manns oppførsel endret seg siden han begynte å motta hjelp, er han mindre humørsyk, mer åpen, snillere, mer avgjort? Dette er tingene som hjelper de rundt dem med å gjenkjenne reell endring i motsetning til leppeservice. Er mannen din klar over at du mangler tillit til hans ønske om å leve spillfritt? Hvis han er det, kan du kanskje foreslå at han snakker med dem som støtter ham om din forståelige bekymring, de kan sannsynligvis hjelpe ham med å forstå deg hvor han er i bedringen. Jeg håper du vil skrive mer om deg selv, ser du etter deg selv eller ser du ham prøve å forandre seg? Når du bruker 24 timer i døgnet på å bekymre deg for om en du er glad i, virkelig søker bedring, utvikler du deg ikke. Avhengigheten til å gamble ødelegger selvtilliten og selvfølelsen til både CG og de som elsker dem. Å passe på deg selv kan virke som et dårlig forslag, men jeg vet at det fungerer ikke bare for deg, men til syvende og sist er det det beste for mannen din også. Jeg vet at avhengigheten til gamble kan kontrolleres – jeg har sett det og hørt det mange ganger, men jeg vet også at det er vanskelig for både CG og de rundt dem å vite når en sann bedring starter, men de begynner. Fortsett å legge ut og bli med i F&F -gruppen på torsdag mellom 20.00 og 21.00 timer britisk tid – noen ganger er det lettere å kommunisere i sanntid. Godt skrevet det første innlegget ditt, det første innlegget er det vanskeligste. Fløyel
Hi Sweepy
Although loss of money is a massive problem to those who love CGs (compulsive gamblers), the lying and general poor behaviour hurts more. Has your husband’s behaviour changed since he started to receive help, is he less moody, more open, kinder, more settled? These are the things that help those around them to recognise real change as opposed to lip service.
Is your husband aware that you are lacking in confidence with his desire to live gamble-free? If he is, then maybe you could suggest that he speaks to those who are supporting him about your understandable concern, they can probably help him to help you understand where he is in his recovery.
I am hoping you will write more about yourself, are you looking after yourself or just watching him trying to change? When you spend 24 hours a day worrying about whether a loved one is really seeking recovery then you are not progressing yourself. The addiction to gamble destroys the self-confidence and self esteem of both the CG and those who love them. Looking after yourself might seem a poor suggestion but I know it works not only for you but ultimately it is the best thing for your husband too.
I know the addiction to gamble can be controlled – I have seen it and heard it many times but I also know it is hard for both the CG and those around them to know when a true recovery starts but start they do.
Keep posting and maybe join the F&F group on Thursday between 20.00 and 21.00 hours UK time – sometimes it is easier to communicate in real time.
Well done writing your first post, the first post is the hardest.
VelvetSveiki, Sweepy Nors pinigų praradimas yra didžiulė problema tiems, kurie myli CG (kompulsinius lošėjus), melas ir apskritai blogas elgesys skauda labiau. Ar pasikeitė jūsų vyro elgesys nuo tada, kai jis pradėjo gauti pagalbą, ar jis yra mažiau nuotaikingas, atviresnis, malonesnis, labiau nusiteikęs? Tai yra dalykai, kurie padeda aplinkiniams atpažinti tikrus pokyčius, o ne lūpų aptarnavimą. Ar jūsų vyras žino, kad jums trūksta pasitikėjimo jo noru gyventi be lošimų? Jei taip yra, galbūt galėtumėte pasiūlyti, kad jis kalbėtų su tais, kurie jį palaiko, apie jūsų suprantamą susirūpinimą, jie tikriausiai gali padėti jam suprasti, kur jis atsigauna. Tikiuosi, kad daugiau parašysite apie save, ar prižiūrite save, ar tiesiog stebite, kaip jis bando pasikeisti? Kai 24 valandas per parą nerimaujate dėl to, ar mylimas žmogus tikrai nori pasveikti, tada jūs pats nesiimate progreso. Priklausomybė nuo azarto žlugdo tiek CG, tiek juos mylinčių žmonių pasitikėjimą savimi ir savigarbą. Rūpinimasis savimi gali atrodyti prastas pasiūlymas, tačiau žinau, kad tai tinka ne tik jums, bet galiausiai tai yra geriausia ir jūsų vyrui. Žinau, kad priklausomybę lošti galima kontroliuoti – aš tai mačiau ir girdėjau daug kartų, bet taip pat žinau, kad ir CG, ir aplinkiniams sunku žinoti, kada prasideda tikras atsigavimas, bet kada jie pradeda. Tęskite skelbimą ir galbūt prisijunkite prie „F&F“ grupės ketvirtadienį nuo 20 iki 21 val. JK laiku – kartais lengviau bendrauti realiuoju laiku. Gerai parašei savo pirmąjį įrašą, pirmasis įrašas yra sunkiausias. Aksomas
Hei Sweepy Vaikka rahan menetys on valtava ongelma niille, jotka rakastavat CG: itä (pakonomaisia uhkapelureita), valehtelu ja yleinen huono käyttäytyminen satuttaa enemmän. Onko miehesi käyttäytyminen muuttunut siitä lähtien, kun hän alkoi saada apua, onko hän vähemmän mielialainen, avoimempi, ystävällisempi, vakiintuneempi? Nämä ovat asioita, jotka auttavat ympärillään olevia tunnistamaan todellisen muutoksen huulipalvelun sijaan. Onko miehesi tietoinen siitä, että sinulta puuttuu luottamus hänen haluunsa elää ilman uhkapeliä? Jos hän on, niin voisit ehkä ehdottaa, että hän puhuu heille, jotka tukevat häntä ymmärrettävästä huolestasi, he voivat todennäköisesti auttaa häntä auttamaan sinua ymmärtämään, missä hän on toipumassa. Toivon, että kirjoitat enemmän itsestäsi, pidätkö huolta itsestäsi vai vain katsot hänen yrittävän muuttua? Kun vietät 24 tuntia vuorokaudessa murehtien, onko rakkaasi todella toipumassa, et edisty itse. Peliriippuvuus tuhoaa sekä CG: n että heitä rakastavien itseluottamuksen ja itsetunnon. Itsestä huolehtiminen saattaa tuntua huonolta ehdotukselta, mutta tiedän, että se ei toimi vain sinulle, mutta lopulta se on parasta myös miehellesi. Tiedän, että uhkapeliriippuvuutta voidaan hallita – olen nähnyt sen ja kuullut sen monta kertaa, mutta tiedän myös, että sekä CG: n että heidän ympärillään olevien on vaikea tietää, milloin todellinen toipuminen alkaa, mutta he alkavat. Jatka julkaisemista ja liity F & F -ryhmään torstaina klo 20.00–21.00 Ison -Britannian aikaa – joskus on helpompaa kommunikoida reaaliajassa. Hyvin kirjoitettu ensimmäinen viestisi, ensimmäinen viesti on vaikein. Sametti
Hallo Sweepy Hoewel geldverlies een enorm probleem is voor liefhebbers van CG's (dwangmatige gokkers), doet liegen en algemeen slecht gedrag meer pijn. Is het gedrag van uw man veranderd sinds hij hulp begon te krijgen, is hij minder humeurig, meer open, vriendelijker, meer gesetteld? Dit zijn de dingen die de mensen om hen heen helpen om echte verandering te herkennen, in tegenstelling tot lippendienst. Is uw man zich ervan bewust dat u geen vertrouwen heeft in zijn verlangen om zonder gokken te leven? Als dat zo is, kunt u misschien voorstellen dat hij met degenen die hem steunen, spreekt over uw begrijpelijke zorg, zij kunnen hem waarschijnlijk helpen om u te helpen begrijpen waar hij zich bevindt in zijn herstel. Ik hoop dat je meer over jezelf gaat schrijven, zorg je voor jezelf of kijk je alleen maar hoe hij probeert te veranderen? Als je je 24 uur per dag zorgen maakt of een geliefde echt herstel zoekt, dan kom je zelf niet vooruit. De gokverslaving vernietigt het zelfvertrouwen en het gevoel van eigenwaarde van zowel de CG als degenen die van hen houden. Voor jezelf zorgen lijkt misschien een slechte suggestie, maar ik weet dat het niet alleen voor jou werkt, maar uiteindelijk ook het beste is voor je man. Ik weet dat de gokverslaving onder controle kan worden gehouden – ik heb het vaak gezien en gehoord, maar ik weet ook dat het moeilijk is voor zowel de CG als de mensen om hen heen om te weten wanneer een echt herstel begint, maar ze beginnen. Blijf posten en sluit je misschien aan bij de F&F-groep op donderdag tussen 20.00 en 21.00 uur Britse tijd – soms is het makkelijker om in realtime te communiceren. Goed gedaan met het schrijven van je eerste bericht, het eerste bericht is het moeilijkst. Flueel
Ciao Sweepy Anche se la perdita di denaro è un problema enorme per coloro che amano i CG (giocatori compulsivi), la menzogna e il cattivo comportamento generale fanno più male. Il comportamento di tuo marito è cambiato da quando ha iniziato a ricevere aiuto, è meno lunatico, più aperto, più gentile, più stabile? Queste sono le cose che aiutano coloro che li circondano a riconoscere il vero cambiamento rispetto al servizio a parole. Tuo marito è consapevole che manchi di confidenza con il suo desiderio di vivere senza giocare? Se lo è, allora forse potresti suggerire che parli con coloro che lo stanno supportando della tua comprensibile preoccupazione, probabilmente possono aiutarlo ad aiutarti a capire dove si trova nel suo recupero. Spero che scriverai di più su di te, ti stai prendendo cura di te stesso o semplicemente lo guardi mentre cerca di cambiare? Quando passi 24 ore al giorno a preoccuparti se una persona cara sta davvero cercando il recupero, allora non stai progredendo. La dipendenza dal gioco distrugge la fiducia in se stessi e l'autostima sia del CG che di coloro che li amano. Prendersi cura di te potrebbe sembrare un cattivo suggerimento, ma so che funziona non solo per te, ma alla fine è anche la cosa migliore per tuo marito. So che la dipendenza dal gioco d'azzardo può essere controllata – l'ho visto e sentito molte volte, ma so anche che è difficile sia per il CG che per coloro che li circondano sapere quando inizia un vero recupero, ma iniziano lo fanno. Continua a postare e magari unisciti al gruppo F&F giovedì tra le 20:00 e le 21:00 ora del Regno Unito: a volte è più facile comunicare in tempo reale. Ben fatto a scrivere il tuo primo post, il primo post è il più difficile. Velluto
Hi Selina
It seems to me from reading your post that your Dad is a terrific source o9f support for you. He is already worried and is probably reading all the signs while believing that you are unable to see what is happening. I suggest that your mother hasn’t talked for exactly the same reason you are holding back.
It is easier to bury our heads in the sand and that is so for the CG (compulsive gambler) too – facing something like a gambling addiction is not something any of us expect to face – CG and F&F alike. It take great courage on the part of the CG to face their addiction and those who love them unwittingly enable through ignorance of something that is indeed very scary– I am not judging as I enabled for 25 years.
Your words tell a common story of an addiction that is building in strength because he is not addressing it and he has not felt the pain of his behaviour yet. Arguing is pointless because trying to make sense of the senseless will only cause you to worry and lose your confidence and self-esteem.
The 20 questions posed on the Gamblers anonymous web site could possibly help your partner to see he is not alone and that there is help for him. Maybe your could download them and leave them for him to see – he may well screw them up and throw them away but at least he would know that you are taking his addiction seriously even if he is not. I suggest leaving them for him to see rather than presenting them to him which would probably only result in him loudly protesting that he is not addicted.
Maybe you could ask your father how he controlled his addiction – any support and suggestions of ways forward is good. The addiction to gamble thrives on secrecy to get maximum enablement and it can leave those who love the CG feeling very isolated.
It would be great to communicate with you in real time on Thursday between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time. Just click on the Helpline, scroll down to F&F group and click on ‘join’.
Finally Selina, I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know the addiction to gamble couldn’t be controlled and wonderful lives lived. Unfortunately your partner can only save himself, you cannot save him,
Look after ‘you’.
VelvetHello Faith and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Logic
I like your final sentence best but what are you doing to look after you?
Friday might be his next hurdle but do you have plans for Friday and at the weekend that please you? Are you waiting to see or hear what happens in his life to decide what you will do or are you planning your own life to please yourself?
Speak soon
VelvetHi BL
Quite rightly your husband appears to be putting his recovery first. Recoveries for both sides of a relationship are important and neither side should force the other into speeding an outcome.
Your recovery is equally as important and I liked the big BUT in your sentence – you have recognised that what happens within you matters too.
It is often said by CGs and F&F alike that we cannot/don’t understand each other – only a CG can understand a CG and only F&F can understand F&F. To a certain extent this is right but who understands what and who has the hardest work to do is immaterial – what counts is the individual and how comfortable they are with what is going on. It isn’t selfish to put yourself first with yourself just as your husband is doing with himself.
It is as though you are walking on 2 parallel roads, you can see each other but you cannot connect fully. The roads are beginning to get closer and you are beginning to see each other more clearly but in my opinion this is the most important time to keep walking forward and not cut across to his road. This forum is walking with you and his counsellor is walking with him and for a time, maybe longer than either of you would wish, I believe, this is the best way to achieve what you both want.
To hear you enjoying your life is wonderful so keep doing what you are doing because it is working for you and if it works for you then it is good for your husband to see.
Keep posting
VelvetHi Logic
Lily has given you such a great reply that I can add very little apart from maybe pointing out a little word that my CG told me about a long time ago.
You say you ‘need’ your CG to take you to your mother and you have set out clearly what you ‘need’. I was told by my CG that when his addiction had been active, what I needed was not what he needed. My ‘need’ was for him to stop gambling and live a decent, honest, caring life but his ‘need’ was to gamble.
I believe you know the right thing to do but the hard bit is doing it and although I really do understand the dilemma I suggest that somehow, some way you go to see your mother without any help from someone whose sober support is dependent on a karate class.
I hope your foot mends soon. Injury makes us feel vulnerable and perhaps more in need than usual but if you had never met your partner how would you have got to see your mother?
Keep posting
VelvetHello Mg and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello City Eagle and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Alice and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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Hello Anna
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page. Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your
situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
