[velvet]

Hi Jolene

I do not need to meet you to know that your son’s behaviour does not reflect his upbringing.  PLease believe me when I say that your son’s addiction is not your fault, you could not have stopped him becoming a compulsive gambler.

Your son didn’t deliberately set out to get himself into a mess with gambling, he could not have known when he started playing poker that for him gambling was not something he could pick up and put down at will.  He doesn’t cope well with calm discussions because he will perceive such discussions as ways by which you try to get him to stop gambling, thus proving, in his mind, that you do not understand him.  His way of dealing with this is to become angry and manipulative to distract you. 

Sadly your son does not understand himself, he is confused; he will almost certainly be lacking in self esteem because the nature of the addiction is that he will ultimately fail every time he gambles.

I hope that maybe you will sleep better knowing that there is somebody who understands what you are going through and who knows that your son can control his addiction and live an amazing life, possibly more amazing for having taken on such a destructive demon and won. 

It won’t be easy Jolene for you, or for him.   It is so hard to understand his thinking that only poker will allow him to become financially stable but knowing what he is thinking will help you do the right things.    Knowledge of his addiction will give you power over it and help you cope.

 

I will leave this first reply to you there – I wanted to let you know that you had been heard and understood.

I will write again soon and I hope you will keep posting.

Velvet

 

 

 

[velvet]

Hi Tired to the Bone
Please talk to me, I am here and ready to listen.
To start you own thread, scroll to the bottom of the forum page and click on ‘New topic’, write your post in the box, scroll down and click ‘Save’. Your post will appear and I can give you the support you deserve.
I can’t support you on the someone else’s thread but I do understand the dilemma you are in – sharing will almost certainly help you to clear a lot of the confusion from your mind.
I hope to hear from you soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Jolene

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello sloppy and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Lizbeth

You are ahead of me Lizbeth, I haven’t put my tree or decorations up
Well done, I love hearing the positive ‘you’.

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Molly
How sad I felt when I saw that you wanted your husband to fail but I do understand – your course would be decided for you, however, if he did enter a true recovery from his addiction it would surely be a wonderful thing. There are true recoveries Molly and compulsive gamblers who enter them can be very special indeed. I hope it helps to know that he did not choose to be a compulsive gambler and he can be helped to live gamble-free.
I know that your husband would have a greater chance of a successful recovery with your backing but I hear and fully understand your anger and resentment. I sincerely hope that whatever decision you come to will be the right one for you, your children and ultimately for your husband.
Please post again and let me know how you are doing.
My thoughts are with you
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Tryingtogetthru
I fully appreciate all the anger and frustration that you feel. How is your mother coping now that you have gone back to college?
I’m sorry to say that the bunch of arguments that you threw at your father would probably have made no difference to his gambling; he is compulsive and therefore needs treatment to stop. Unfortunately if he will not acknowledge his addiction but chooses to do nothing to help himself, there is nothing you can do. You cannot save him and nor can you mom – you can only save yourselves.
It is so very hard to understand but your father is not deliberately hurting you or your mother, he has an addiction that he didn’t want or ask for; there is nothing he would like more than to be able to gamble responsibly, to walk away from loses without chasing them. The addiction to gamble is becoming better recognised and there is a lot of support for compulsive gamblers but they have to want that support or nothing changes.
Maybe you could download the 20-questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web site for him – maybe (and it is only a maybe) he would see from them that he has a serious problem.
I think it is important that you complete your college course and that you protect yourself, I suspect your mother is gaining a lot of joy from you being successful. If you allow yourself to be crushed by his addiction it will have claimed another victim, so keep your head up and do well.
It seems to me that your mother needs support, has she got friends to do things with and to talk to? Has she got somewhere else she can go for a break from the constant worry of his addiction?
Maybe your mom could find a Gam-Anon group which is the sister group of GA (Gamblers anonymous). I am sure it would be beneficial for her to sit down with others who know what she is going through. Just hearing that you are not alone is a relief.
Please ask your mom if she would like support here, she is welcome in this forum and on our Helpline. With knowledge and support, your mother may feel strong enough to think about what she wants in her life. I would imagine that your father’s addiction will have caused your mom to feel isolated and broken – talking to those who understand her will help her. She has never done anything to cause her husband’s addiction.
I will leave it there for now and hopefully hear from you again soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Seester
There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty, your brother has a divisive, manipulative addiction and he needed you to believe his lies.
If it was not possible to control the addiction to gamble I wouldn’t be writing to you now. I am here because I know your brother can get better.
There is nothing you can do about his wife’s family refusing support his marriage – he might blame them but from what he said about ‘messing up and deserving it’ it suggests he has some sense of responsibility for his action and that is good.
It is a vicious cycle but he can climb out of it, he can control his addiction and live a good life but he has to want to do so.
Those who love compulsive gamblers often fear that they will sink to a terrible place but sadly bailing them out is not an answer. I am interested that he sent you a picture of a near accident which rather suggests he wants you to worry about him – this can lead to you wanting to enable him.
Look after you
Speak soon
Velvet

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