[velvet]

για τον Ngill

[velvet]

Hi Ngill
I hope that by posting and sharing you will begin to feel less helpless. In my experience, when those around compulsive gamblers keep control of their own lives and refuse to allow the addiction of a loved one to bring them down, it benefits everybody and includes a greater hope for the recovery of the gambler.
It is not recognized professionally but the following is a coping method that many of us have successfully used at the beginning of ‘our’ recovery from living with a compulsive gambler.
Imagine, if you can, that your husband’s addiction is a separate entity, a horrible beast that lies in the corner of the room watching and waiting for an excuse to gamble, a reason to argue, an excuse to blame, an explanation for poor behaviour.
The addiction beast is the master of manipulation and threats and you are not and nor should you try to be. The beast is divisive and seeks to divide families for enablement purposes. It is therefore better when a family stick together over any action regarding the addiction’s manipulation and threats.
Your husband is, at the moment, controlled by his addiction but you are not, you are stronger than his addiction, you do not have to live by its rules. Imagine his head is full of sand which requires treatment to tip out leaving room for logical honest thought. Unfortunately, your husband doesn’t know how to do this at the moment leaving him almost certainly feeling isolated and believing that his ‘need’ is to gamble.

It was explained to me, by a gambler who is living in control of his addiction, that the beast, called addiction, destroyed his self-esteem and self confidence. The beast’s nature is to cause constant feelings of failure (in that a compulsive gambler cannot walk away from a gamble until it is too late). The feelings of worthlessness made him unable to think logically and reasonable. Many of his life’s experiences, good and bad, would trigger the beast; the gamble would follow with the inevitable loss. Isolated, ashamed and confused he would follow the voice in his head and chase his losses – the outcome was always the same.
I know that being told to look after yourself first and keep your mind healthy and active doesn’t sound much but it works. The more you feel dragged down by your husband’s addiction the more likely it is that you will begin to lose yourself in his lonely world. I believe that if you try and help him to talk to you without tears and recrimination, he is more likely to open up about his fears. Keeping the beast in the corner and not allowing it to come between you will hopefully help you communicate and open up opportunities for you to tell him where support is to be found and that he is not alone.
By keeping your friendships alive, enjoying hobbies, enjoying your daughter and refusing the negativity of the addiction to gamble to bring you down, you will be stronger, you will be able to reclaim your own life and be able to cope with your child and make the right decisions for your relationship. Maybe you could find a Gam-Anon group near you, it is the sister group of GA and it was my salvation many years ago.
I am bringing up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’, I hope it helps. Knowledge of the addiction will give you power over it.
If you have any questions, please come right back at me. It took me months at the beginning to get my head around what I was being told and I didn’t believe half of it so I understand how difficult this is for you.
I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so
Velvet

[velvet]

I wish you a Happy, Gamble-free, healthy New Year Vera

Please consider a cyber fork well and truly stuck it in

Velvet

[velvet]

Hi I-D-I
Shabby carpets and curtains are only possessions; it is the person that is you that matters and it is you that you are not looking after. Your golden oasis can be yours again and it can be yours forever.
Message to I–D-I for 2019 – look after yourself, listen you yourself, act on what you know to be good and healthy for you and reject anything that tries to knock you off course.
I wish you a healthy, happy, gamble-free and prosperous New Year
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Ngill and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Gaby

I will write again asap but I just wanted to let you know that you had been heard and understood.
There are many things that you can do to protect yourself and help you cope and there is a lot of support about for your mother that doesn’t cost anything although it does require her to admit she has a problem and to seek that help.
You cannot save your mum, only she can do that but I wouldn’t be here writing to you if I didn’t know she could control her addiction.

Speak soon
velvet

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Gaby

Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.

Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page

Read about the friends and Family Online Groups

Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂

If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.

You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂

We look forward to hearing all about you!

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Taz and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Ash and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Jolene
Just as your son has done, mine disappeared declaring that he ‘knew what he was doing’. At that time he had an active addiction to gamble which drastically altered his personal perception.
My son still has an addiction to gamble because sadly there is no cure but what he did and hopefully what your son will do, sooner rather than later, was to learn to control his addiction, allowing him to live a wonderful life, happily and healthily in control of his gambling demon.
My son had to try and prove he knew what he was doing Jolene; he believed in his addiction, even declaring that he didn’t want to stop gambling because he enjoyed it. The truth was that he didn’t like who he was, he wasn’t happy and he didn’t know why. His addicted brain was telling him that he was not responsible for his miserable situation; it was the rest of the world, who didn’t understand him. Nothing I said or did changed that belief.
My son did lose everything and even then he strove to make me believe that he didn’t gamble. During a particularly stressful phone call, in which he told me that he was ok and not gambling but needed a roof over his head for a night or two, I told him where support was to be found. Unknown to me my words made a difference and he hit rock bottom; there was a chain reaction where his addiction nearly got the upper hand but two weeks later he entered rehab and a new life. He had been actively gambling for 25 years – 23 of which he had made sure that I had no idea what was driving him with the result I unwittingly enabled him.
I kept my son’s addiction alive Jolene but you and your husband are aware of what is controlling your son and you can react accordingly. It is really important in my opinion that parents stand together. The addiction is divisive and it will pull you apart if you allow it.
Your son is ‘following his dream’ and listening to an addiction that he believes will make him happy and successful but it will not. The best thing you can do for him is to look after yourselves and enjoy your lives to the best of your ability.
I hope you can reassure your husband by telling him that his son’s addiction has nothing to do with him, that he didn’t cause it.

As Cathy says, draw back from the situation – and stay healthy. It is so hard to realise that you cannot save your child but the saving grace is that he can help himself and there is hope – buckets of hope – something I didn’t know. I survived Jolene and I know you can too because I know that your son can control his addiction and live the life you would wish for him.
Keep posting
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Angel and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Dear Lizbeth

I hope that tomorrow, Christmas Day, will be a stress-free day for you.

I wish you joy at this special time

as Always

Velvet

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