[velvet]

Hi Lizbeth
I think it is possibly a female thing to feel a bit low at times and not know why – I know it happens to me. It could be the tail end of your virus. Give it time though and the feelings will disappear just as quietly as they came.
Your granddaughter sounds gorgeous and it is lovely to read that some of her first experiences have been shared with you.
Looking after yourself is so important Lizbeth, I think you forget how important you are and how much ‘you’ deserve to be happy.
As Ever
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Nick
Threads like yours are like beacons of hope – they inspire and I love reading them – thank you.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Jack
When family members are told that their loved one has relapsed, they are generally devastated but they are also very lonely – lack of understanding is truly understandable.
I don’t know if your wife sought support for herself in the past but there is good support there for her if she wants it. On this site we offer the Friends and Family forum and also the two closed Friends and Family groups. Your wife would be very welcome in the groups Jack, nothing said in the groups appears on the forum so it is private and safe. Her fears and confusion will be understood.
Gam-Anon is the sister group of GA and is a place where your wife can get on the ground comfort – I think it is wonderful.
Honesty now is the best way forward for your wife – she will be frightened and confused, she may well explode or implode with anger – it will be devastating for her because it is out of her control. I suggest that you talk calmly and without making any more promises.
Knowledge of the addiction to gamble is key to all of us, gambler and family member, alike.
There is more than a glimmer of hope. I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that you can control your addiction and be the man you – and your wife, want you to be. Your wife cannot save you, only you can do that but a gamble-free life is within your grasp.
I wish you well
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Billy and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Jack and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Rupture
I have read your post on Amy’s thread where you write that you have taken a step back in your boyfriend’s finances. You have done this to protect your own health and that is as it should be.
It is part of ‘your’ recovery from living with the addiction to gamble that you make your own decisions about your own life – having jumped to the tune of an addiction it is good for you to realise you have retaken control of part of your life that you thought you had lost, so well done.
Have matters improved for you since you made this new arrangement?
Looking forward to an update
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Amy
You wrote before that you were feeling small and stuck is a horrible place which is not a good feeling. However, you are not small and as I said before you are bigger than his addiction, you are stronger than his addiction and you really don’t have to be stuck.
This latest post sounds a lot more positive, you are realising that you are stronger now which is great – when F&F feel weak they are vulnerable and open to manipulation.
You asked if the way he is talking about the masters and not being able to accept life without betting is normal. It is indeed terrifying for a compulsive gambler to face a life-time without his addiction and therefore, denial is common. He will struggle to actually let go but there are true recoveries, or I wouldn’t be here. It is, of course, impossible to tell, at the beginning, when one is true. Unfortunately, until ‘he’ accepts his addiction and takes responsibility there is nothing you can do to force him.
He is still agreeing to have his salary paid into your account which is good although I agree with you that continued hassle should not have to be endured. I cannot tell you what to do but if it was me, I would walk the extra mile while he is asking for his finances to be overseen on the understanding that if there is any more hassle the offer cannot remain open.
I hope to speak to you again soon
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Rupture
When I saw that you had posted, I thought it was an update on your own thread because I had written to you on 4th April – I have now seen that I wrote to you but didn’t send it – goodness knows why!!
The following is the post I wrote then – I will try and be more conscientious in future.
I hope that you are still not lying awake because of your boyfriend’s addiction – it is so much better to conserve your energy for the things you can change and that make you happy.
It would be great to get an update. Your last post was a lot more positive which can only be good but I know that learning about this addiction is one thing, putting words into practice is another – and it is not easy.
As Ever
Velvet

[velvet]

Hello Cregan and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hello Ad and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[velvet]

Hi Murr
Every minute you thought you were winning, you were losing. Make this loss the biggest win of all – a gamble-free life – it’s within your grasp. You have the support of your girlfriend and you have a period without gambling to look back on so you know you can do it. I know you can do it or I wouldn’t be writing to you.
Testing your addiction is not accepting that you have one but this slip can make you stronger if you allow it – I will look forward to following your thread.
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Sweet
I feel relieved for you – hopefully you can now rebuild your confidence and your life.
You have been honest with your boyfriend about the reason for splitting up and I hope he will carry that information through with him into his future. It is possible that your words, said with love and care, will make a difference to him and I think you should be very proud of yourself.
I hope your family have surrounded you with the support you deserve. It takes a special courage to do what you have done.
I salute you
Velvet

[velvet]

Hi Amy
Three things stand out in your post. One is that you have enough awareness of yourself that you have put your accessible, non-necessary cash somewhere safe, another is that you are beating yourself up unnecessarily for a moment of forgetfulness about the strength of his addiction; and the third is that you have told him how well you are protecting yourself.
It is easy not to recognise when the addiction is manipulating you – you love your boyfriend; you have money to spare which he appears to ‘need’ and you don’t want to hurt him. Add all that together and suddenly giving him a little cash is easier than saying ‘no’; especially when you know he will appear distressed and possibly say all manner of unkind things that will hurt you if you don’t accede to his demands.

I think it is what makes journals such as the one you have here so useful. You can look back and see what happened last time you gave in, the time before that and all the times before that. It is all experience and as it builds so will your confidence. Hopefully his understanding will also build if he recognises that you are trying to support him and not punish him for his addiction.
One thing that we say constantly on this site is that when you think you have tried everything then it is time to try something different – that is what you are doing – and doing well.
I hope you will regain the respect for yourself that you deserve. You have come up against a cunning formidable foe and it takes a different learning experience to ‘get it right’. The addiction is also your boyfriend’s foe but as yet he is not fully aware of that.
One of the other things you can do to protect yourself and him, is to tell him that when you give him cash you want a receipt – it is what happens in rehab. It is important that he recognises that this is to support him and is not treating him like a child. If there is no receipt then there will be no cash at all.
Keep posting Amy. I hope your weekend has been a good one
Velvet

[velvet]

A Momof2 számára Remélem, ez segít V

[velvet]

For Momof2

Hope this helps

V

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