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Hi Momo
I am sorry but I am unable to give legal advice such as what you could expect to happen if you divorce your husband.
I think that the only way you can get the answers you need is to see a lawyer and I believe the more evidence you have to show, the better.
In my opinion, keeping a journal of your husband’s poor behaviour is good when you are considering going down the legal path – your thread, so far, would be an excellent starting point for a journal. It is easy to forget incidents, I think, especially when there are so many. Writing things down can often get confusing thoughts to stop swirling round in your brain but please keep the journal in a safe place.
I think that it is important that you find a lawyer who understands addiction and is not likely to be discombobulated by a manipulative gambler, especially a compulsive gambler who is also an attorney.
I hope you will keep me updated Momo, your situation concerns me very much and I wish I could give you better answers. If only there was a magic pill to cure addiction but unfortunately, they do not exist.
One of my favourite quotes is ‘You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing, there will be no results’ – Mahatma Gandi. You are doing well Momo
As Ever
VelvetHello Gamblers Daughter
Maybe if you could unite with other family members, who are concerned about your dad, it would be possible to have an intervention with your him. Do you have siblings, aunts, uncles, other family members, close friends, who know what your dad is doing and are willing to confront him, calmly, and without judgement? A meeting of those who care about your dad and who would unite in how to support him may, make him sit up and listen.
It is never too late for someone to change; I doubt very much that your dad likes the person he has become but if he believes it is too late to change then maybe he needs to hear that it is not. How much better for him to spend the rest of his life liking who he is rather than behaving in the unacceptable way he is doing now.
I suspect your dad is afraid that he cannot change which is why he is refusing to listen to logic and reason. I wonder if he actually ever went to the GA meeting and if he did, I wonder why he went in the first place is he didn’t want to listen.
Your dad tells lies because he doesn’t want to face the person he is, he doesn’t want to take responsibility for his actions. Lies are his way of coping, the only way he knows at the moment.
It is sad but I suspect that as long as he is being given good food and a warm bed, without making a financial contribution or taking action over his poor behaviour, he will not see a need to fight his demons. Denying him creature comforts would be very difficult but how comfortable is he being allowed to be at the expense of all those around him?
If he really believes it is too late for him and would say so to a united group of loved ones, maybe it would be possible to get him to hear that it is not too late, that those around him want him well and that he can be – if he really wants it. Perhaps you could take a look at the GMA project, if you want to know more about it then our Helpline would be willing to advise you. There is also a forum on the site for GMA residential treatment Q&A. It is an excellent programme and your dad would not be too old. We also have Gambler-Only groups on this site where your dad would be able to communicate in complete anonymity – facilitated by Charles, who lives in control of his addiction, they helpful, supportive and non-judgemental.
I will leave it there for now but I hope you will post again. Your dad ‘can’ live gamble-free, he can enjoy his life without having to lie to his family and friends.
VelvetHello Gamblers daughter
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Lianne
I hope you will post again. If there is anything you disagree with, that I have said, or any further questions that you may have then please fire away.
Velvet