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Dear Momo
Your name jumps out at me every time you post. This time you have written to support someone else and in doing so you have told me how strong you have become. I feel you have turned the all-important page and that you are ready to start the next chapter in your life.
I really want you to stop regretting what has gone before, you were not meant to know what your husband was doing, his manipulative addiction would have made him very determined that you should not know – it was ignorance of addiction, not stupidity, that left you so vulnerable. I doubt that there was anything that you could have done, or said, that would have made any difference.
I don’t know if you have ever heard or read the following but it helped me to come to terms with letting go of the past – I hope it helps you
YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND TOMORROW.
There are two days in every week about which we should not worry: two days which should be kept free from fear and apprehension.
One of these days is yesterday with its mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains. All the money in the world cannot bring back yesterday. Yesterday has passed forever beyond our control. We cannot undo a single act we performed. We cannot erase a single word we said. Yesterday is gone.
The other day we should not worry about is tomorrow with its possible adversities, its burdens, its large promise or poor performance. Tomorrow is also beyond our immediate control.
Tomorrow’s sun will rise, either in splendour or behind a mask of clouds – but it will rise. Until it does, we have no stake in tomorrow, for it is yet unborn.
This leaves only; one day – TODAY. Any person can fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the burdens of these two awful eternities yesterday and tomorrow – that we break down. It is not the experience of today that drives people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness of something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. Let us, therefore, LIVE BUT ONE DAY AT A TIME.I love when you write ‘I’m over it’ such words put you in control Momo and that’s where you deserve to be.
Speak again soon
VelvetHello Mark and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Konj and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Kwintz and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Seanraj and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Alras and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hello Strambolinski and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Tired Mama
You are not making a deal over nothing but it is not for me to ever say that a person should leave or stay with their gambler husband – such a decision has to be yours but decisions are best made with knowledge.
Sadly the addiction to gamble does get worse if it is not accepted and treated.
Perhaps you could download the 20-Questions from the Gambler’s Anonymous website and give them to your husband, or maybe leave them around for him to find if he is being angry and confrontational, they might help him to realise he is not alone and that there is support for him. His anger is common to a gambler who is in denial of his behaviour or has no desire to stop. It might be that your husband is afraid to face his demons and he therefore lashes out at you, his closest target, hoping to make you stop questioning his behaviour, behaviour that he will not understand. The likelihood is that you husband does not like the man he has become but is unaware of what to do about it – his addiction is real and frightening to both of you. Nobody would choose to be a compulsive gambler.
Your husband’s addiction is not about making money, it is only about the ‘gamble’. Money is a tool for gambling, it is not the goal. It isn’t the family finances therefore that are the greatest concern, it is your health, the health of those around him and his own health that are paramount. Your husband can learn to control his addiction and live a wonderful gamble-free life but he has to accept responsibility for his behaviour first.
It is good that he has admitted that he is gambling.
I cannot tell you what to do but every time a gambler’s debts are cleared, the way opens up to gamble more.
We have a wonderful Helpline on this site that is accessible to you and your husband; we offer facilitated groups for gamblers where your husband can share with others who want to live in control of their addictions. Everything we offer is anonymous and your husband will be understood. Maybe you could tell him that you have sought support for you – many gamblers do not feel that their loved ones need support too.
Please keep posting, I know how lonely it is to have this addiction in your family and not know what to do but there is no need for secrecy.
Velvet
Hello Tired
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Sophie
Compulsive gamblers do not want to be accountable, they want to gamble and often, sadly, when a loved one sticks by them and tries to make them take responsibility they turn to others for enablement. Be proud of yourself that you cared enough not to enable him.
You don’t deserve the treatment meted out to you but you were doing the right thing for him and ultimately for you when you tried to make him accountable.
You feel that your friends are happily having babies and getting engaged and this makes you sad but I am sure that it is better for you that you are not doing these things with an active gambling addict.
A gambler can only stop for himself, it isn’t that he couldn’t do it for his Dad or for you – neither of you are to blame in any way. He probably won’t like who he is and if he can’t do it for himself, then he isn’t ready – yet.
Keep posting Sophie and enjoy your siblings they sound great
VelvetHi Vduer
I am glad that you have taken yourself out of harm’s way physically – please make sure that you stay safe.
A gambling addiction will get worse unless it is treated but I am sorry to say that you cannot make your father stop gambling. You cannot exclude him from casinos – this is something he must do if he is to change and he has to want to change. Relationships cannot be fixed by one party and your father does not appear to want to fix anything
Is it possible for you to have a meeting with all the family and friends that have been so seriously affected by your father’s behaviour? it seems to me that you would all benefit from having a united front when you can determine how to cope with this manipulation and stop any further enablement. Maybe he could be anonymously sent information on GA and/or dedicated addiction counselling.
You cannot save your father, only he can do that but you do have to look after yourself or his addiction will destroy your lives.
I am not in a position to give legal advice but I feel it is legal advice that you need in your situation.
Please post again. I wish you well and safe
VelvetCześć WM Myślałem, że zgubiłem ten post, który napisałem późną nocą, z zamiarem sprawdzenia go dziś rano przed wysłaniem. Niestety nie mam w tej chwili czasu na edycję, więc mam nadzieję, że ma to sens. Jestem pewien, że powtórzyłem część tego, co właśnie opublikowałem. ale oto… Czasem czuję, że mam dwie głowy, jeśli chodzi o dzielenie problemu syna z resztą rodziny. Jedna głowa mówi, że myślę, że trzymasz jego tajemnicę z powodu wstydu i chcąc go chronić – ale nie ma wstydu – twój syn nie prosił ani nie chce swojego uzależnienia, nikt nie jest winny. Uzależnienia rozwijają się w tajemnicy i często lepiej się dzielić, zwłaszcza jeśli reszta rodziny może to umożliwić. Rodziny i przyjaciele często wiedzą, że jest problem, ale ponieważ nic się nie mówi – nie mówią ci, bo chcą cię chronić! Moja druga głowa to ta, którą miałem na ramionach przez 25 lat, ta, która mówiła, że nie chcę, aby ktokolwiek wiedział, co się dzieje w moim życiu, ponieważ to do mnie należało naprawienie rzeczy i że jeśli będę mógł zachowaj to wszystko w tajemnicy, wiedziałem, że wtedy może problem zniknie i nikt nigdy nie będzie musiał się o tym dowiedzieć. Myślę, że warto dzielić się z ludźmi, którzy chcą słuchać bez osądzania. Kompulsywny hazardzista nie jest złą osobą, chociaż jego zachowanie z powodu nałogu jest często niedopuszczalne. Twój syn prawdopodobnie grał po raz pierwszy, tak jak robią to miliony innych, tylko dla zabawy – nie wiedział (i nie mógł) wiedzieć, że jego skutkiem będzie uzależnienie. Nikt nie wybrałby nałogowego hazardzisty. Jednym ze sposobów radzenia sobie z nieprzyjemnymi słowami syna jest wyobrażenie sobie jego nałogu jako bestii w kącie pokoju. Kiedy z nim rozmawiasz, jego uzależnienie jest przebudzone, opanowane i gotowe do skoku – ale dopóki zachowasz spokój i nie będziesz mu grozić, pozostanie w kącie. Twój syn jest kontrolowany przez swoje uzależnienie, ale ty nie; możesz zdobywać wiedzę i być o krok do przodu. Kiedy zagrażasz jego uzależnieniu warunkami, może przeskoczyć między tobą i kontrolować rozmowę, prawdopodobnie zamieniając ją w kłótnię, ponieważ jest mistrzem gróźb i manipulacji. Gdy bestia uzależniona zostanie przebudzona, usłyszysz tylko, jak mówi jej uzależnienie – a ponieważ zna tylko kłamstwa i oszustwa, będzie starała się sprawić, abyś poczuł się winny i zdemoralizował cię. Jego uzależnienie zniekształci twoje słowa, drastycznie zmieniając rzeczywistość, aby pasowała do jego osobistej percepcji – nie zrozumie, co mówisz. Uzależnienie od hazardu jest uzależnieniem od ciągłych porażek i nieszczęścia, więc twój syn prawie na pewno uważa, że jest bezwartościowy. Ponieważ wierzy, że nie jest dobry, wynika z tego, że musisz kłamać, kiedy mówisz mu, że go kochasz, albo że jego życie byłoby lepsze, gdyby przestał grać, bo dlaczego miałbyś kochać kogoś tak bezwartościowego? Wierząc, że jest bezwartościowy, twój syn walczy z nieprzyjemnymi słowami, wypaczeniami i oszustwem, ponieważ niestety w tej chwili nie ma ani nie zna żadnego innego mechanizmu radzenia sobie. Stojąc z tyłu i po prostu słuchając, zamiast próbować sprawić, by on cię słuchał, miejmy nadzieję, że łatwiej będzie ci trzymać się z dala od kłótni, która nie ma sensu poza tym, że czujesz się mniej kontrolowana. Kiedy zaczniesz próbować stanąć po swojej stronie, jego uzależnienie ma coś, w co może wbić zęby. Wiem, że to wszystko brzmi trochę negatywnie, ale pozytywną stroną jest to, że usuwa cię z centrum uzależnienia, dając ci czas i energię na opiekę nad tobą. Nie mogę zacząć mówić, jak ważne jest, aby najpierw zadbać o siebie i że dzięki temu staniesz się silniejszy. Jednym z najlepszych sposobów na wygraną jest nie granie w grę. 60 funtów za sesję to dużo pieniędzy, aw Wielkiej Brytanii istnieje wsparcie dla graczy, którzy nic nie mają. Może, gdy twój syn zechce cię posłuchać, mógłbyś pokazać mu program GMA, co jest wspaniałe – jest sekcja pytań i odpowiedzi na temat tego fantastycznego projektu na forum w dalszej części strony forum. Chętnie porozmawiam o tym w grupie F&F lub Ty lub Twój syn możecie zadać pytania dotyczące dedykowanego doradztwa na naszej Infolinii. Mam nadzieję, że nie rzuciłem się w Ciebie za dużo i że znowu napiszesz. W grupie F&F możesz mnie o wszystko zapytać, a odpowiem ci najlepiej jak potrafię. Aksamit
Hei WM Jeg trodde jeg hadde mistet dette innlegget som jeg skrev sent i går kveld, med den hensikt å sjekke det i morges før jeg la det ut. Jeg har dessverre ikke tid til å redigere det nå, så jeg håper det er fornuftig. Jeg er sikker på at jeg har gjentatt noe av det jeg nettopp har lagt ut. men her går …….. Jeg føler noen ganger at jeg har to hoder når det gjelder temaet å dele sønnens problem med resten av familien. Det ene hodet sier at jeg tror du holder hemmeligheten hans på grunn av skam og ønsker å beskytte ham – men det er ingen skam å ha – sønnen din ba ikke om eller ville ha sin avhengighet, ingen har skylden. Avhengighet trives med hemmelighold, og det er ofte bedre å dele, spesielt hvis resten av familien kan gjøre det mulig. Familier og venner vet ofte at det er et problem, men fordi ingenting blir sagt – de forteller deg ikke fordi de vil beskytte deg! Det andre hodet mitt var det jeg hadde på skuldrene mine i 25 år, det som sa at jeg ikke ville at noen skulle vite hva som foregikk i livet mitt, fordi det var opp til meg å gjøre ting riktig og at hvis jeg kunne hold alt hemmelig visste da at kanskje problemet ville forsvinne og ingen trenger å vite det. Det er verdt å dele med mennesker som er villige til å lytte uten dømmekraft. En tvangsspiller er ikke en dårlig person, selv om deres oppførsel på grunn av avhengigheten ofte er uakseptabel. Sønnen din spilte sannsynligvis den første gangen, akkurat som millioner av andre gjør, bare for moro skyld – han visste ikke (og kunne ikke) at avhengighet for ham ville være utfallet. Ingen ville velge å være en tvangsspiller. En måte å takle sønnens ekle ord på er å forestille seg avhengigheten hans som et dyr i hjørnet av rommet. Når du snakker med ham, er avhengigheten hans våken, klar og klar til å hoppe – men så lenge du holder kul og ikke truer det, vil det forbli i hjørnet. Sønnen din er kontrollert av sin avhengighet, men du er ikke; du kan få kunnskap og være et skritt foran. Når du truer hans avhengighet med forhold, kan det hoppe mellom deg og kontrollere samtalen, sannsynligvis gjøre det til et argument fordi det er mesteren i trusler og manipulasjon. Når avhengighetsdyret er vekket, vil du bare høre avhengigheten hans snakke – og fordi det bare kjenner løgn og bedrag, vil det søke å få deg til å føle skyld og demoralisere deg. Avhengigheten hans vil forvride ordene dine, drastisk endre virkeligheten for å passe hans personlige oppfatning – han vil ikke forstå hva du sier. Avhengigheten til gamble er en avhengighet av konstant fiasko og elendighet, så sønnen din tror nesten helt sikkert at han er verdiløs. Fordi han tror at han ikke er god, følger det at du må lyve når du forteller ham at du elsker ham, eller at livet hans ville vært bedre hvis han sluttet å spille fordi hvorfor ville du elske noen så verdiløs? Å tro seg selv å være uten verdi din sønn kjemper tilbake med stygge ord, forvrengning og bedrag fordi han dessverre for øyeblikket ikke har eller vet noen annen mestringsmekanisme. Ved å stå tilbake og bare lytte fremfor å prøve å få ham til å lytte til deg, vil det forhåpentligvis bli lettere for deg å holde deg utenfor et argument som ikke har noe poeng bortsett fra at du skal føle deg mindre i kontroll. Når du begynner å prøve å sette din side, har avhengigheten hans noe å få tennene i. Jeg vet at dette høres litt negativt ut, men den positive siden er at det fjerner deg fra sentrum av avhengigheten og gir deg tid og energi til å passe på deg. Jeg kan ikke begynne å fortelle deg hvor viktig det er å ta vare på deg selv først, og at du ved å gjøre det vil bli sterkere. En av de beste måtene for deg å vinne på er å ikke spille spillet. £ 60 per økt er mye penger, og det er støtte i Storbritannia for spillere som ikke har noe. Kanskje, når sønnen din er villig til å lytte, kan du vise ham GMA -programmet som er fantastisk – det er en Q & A -seksjon om dette fantastiske prosjektet i et forum lenger ned på forumets side. Jeg vil gjerne snakke om det i en F & F -gruppe, eller du eller sønnen din kan stille spørsmål om dedikert rådgivning på vår hjelpelinje. Jeg håper jeg ikke har kastet for mye på deg, og at du kommer til å legge ut igjen. I en F & F -gruppe kan du spørre meg om alt, og jeg vil svare deg etter beste evne. Fløyel
Здравейте WM Мислех, че съм загубил този пост, който написах късно снощи, с намерението да го проверя тази сутрин, преди да публикувам. За съжаление в момента нямам време да го редактирам, така че се надявам да има смисъл. Сигурен съм, че съм повторил част от това, което току -що публикувах. но ето …….. Понякога чувствам, че имам две глави, когато става въпрос за споделяне на проблема на сина си с останалата част от семейството. Една глава казва, че мисля, че пазиш тайната му поради срам и искаш да го защитиш – но няма срам да имаш – синът ти не е искал или искал зависимостта си, никой не е виновен. Зависимостите процъфтяват поради секретност и често е по -добре да се споделят, особено ако останалата част от семейството може да позволи. Семейства и приятели често знаят, че има проблем, но тъй като нищо не се казва – те не ви казват, защото искат да ви защитят! Другата ми глава е тази, която имах на раменете си в продължение на 25 години, тази, която казваше, че не искам никой да знае какво се случва в живота ми, защото от мен зависи да поправя нещата и че ако мога пазете всичко в тайна, тогава може би проблемът щеше да изчезне и никой никога не трябва да знае. Споделянето с хора, които са готови да слушат без преценка, си струва, мисля. Натрапчивият комарджия не е лош човек, въпреки че поведението му поради пристрастяването често е неприемливо. Синът ви вероятно е залагал първия път, точно както правят милиони други, само за забавление – той не (и не можеше) да знае, че пристрастяването ще бъде резултат. Никой не би избрал да бъде натрапчив комарджия. Един от начините да се справите с гадните думи на сина си е да си представите зависимостта му като звяр в ъгъла на стаята. Когато говорите с него, пристрастяването му е будно, уравновесено и готово за скок – но докато запазите хладнокръвие и не го заплашвате, то ще остане в ъгъла. Синът ви е контролиран от зависимостта си, но вие не сте; можете да придобиете знания и да бъдете една крачка напред. Когато заплашвате зависимостта му с условия, тя може да скочи между вас и да контролира разговора, вероятно превръщайки го в спор, защото е господар на заплахите и манипулациите. След като пристрастеният звяр бъде разбуден, ще чуете само как говори неговата зависимост – и тъй като той знае само лъжи и измами, той ще се стреми да ви накара да се чувствате виновни и да ви деморализира. Пристрастяването му ще изкриви думите ви, драстично ще промени реалността, за да отговаря на личното му възприятие – той няма да разбере какво казвате. Пристрастяването към хазарта е пристрастяване към постоянни неуспехи и нещастия, така че вашият син почти сигурно вярва, че е безполезен. Тъй като той вярва, че не е добър, следва, че трябва да лъжете, когато му кажете, че го обичате, или че животът му би бил по -добър, ако той спре да залага, защото защо бихте обичали някой толкова безполезен? Вярвайки, че е без стойност, вашият син се бори с гадни думи, изкривяване и измама, защото за съжаление в момента той няма или знае друг механизъм за справяне. Като се отдръпнете и просто слушате, вместо да се опитвате да го накарате да ви изслуша, да се надяваме, че ще ви бъде по -лесно да стоите настрана от спорове, които нямат никакъв смисъл освен да ви накарат да се чувствате по -малко контролирани. След като започнете да се опитвате да застанете на своя страна, пристрастяването му има в какво да вкара зъби. Знам, че всичко това звучи малко негативно, но положителната страна е, че ви премахва от центъра на зависимостта, давайки ви време и енергия да се грижите за вас. Не мога да започна да ви казвам колко е важно първо да се грижите за себе си и че по този начин ще станете по -силни. Един от най -добрите начини да спечелите е да не играете играта. 60 паунда на сесия са много пари и във Великобритания има подкрепа за комарджии, които нямат нищо. Може би, когато синът ви има желание да слуша, можете да му покажете програмата GMA, която е прекрасна – има раздел с въпроси и отговори за този фантастичен проект във форум по -надолу на страницата на форума. Ще се радвам да поговорим за това в група F&F или вие или вашият син можете да зададете въпроси относно специализирани консултации на нашата линия за помощ. Надявам се, че не съм ви хвърлил прекалено много и че ще публикувате отново. В група F&F можете да ме попитате всичко и аз ще ви отговоря по силите си. Кадифе
Hei WM Luulin kadottaneeni tämän eilen illalla kirjoittamani viestin, jonka tarkoituksena oli tarkistaa se tänä aamuna ennen lähettämistä. Valitettavasti minulla ei ole tällä hetkellä aikaa muokata sitä, joten toivon, että se on järkevää. Olen varma, että olen toistanut osan äsken lähettämistäni. mutta tässä nyt …….. Minusta tuntuu joskus, että minulla on kaksi päätä, kun on kyse pojan ongelman jakamisesta muun perheen kanssa. Yksi pää sanoo, että luulen, että pidät hänen salaisuutensa häpeän vuoksi ja haluat suojella häntä – mutta ei ole häpeää – poikasi ei pyytänyt tai halunnut riippuvuuttaan, kukaan ei ole syyllinen. Riippuvuudet viihtyvät salassapidossa, ja on usein parempi jakaa, varsinkin jos muu perhe voisi sallia. Perheet ja ystävät tietävät usein ongelman, mutta koska mitään ei sanota – he eivät kerro sinulle, koska he haluavat suojella sinua! Toinen pääni oli se, joka minulla oli olkapäilläni 25 vuotta, ja se sanoi, etten halunnut kenenkään tietävän, mitä elämässäni tapahtuu, koska minun tehtäväni on korjata asiat ja että jos voisin pitää kaikki salassa, tiesi sitten, että ehkä ongelma poistuu, eikä kenenkään tarvitse koskaan tietää. Mielestäni jakaminen ihmisten kanssa, jotka ovat valmiita kuuntelemaan ilman tuomioita, on kannattavaa. Pakko -pelaaja ei ole huono henkilö, vaikka hänen käyttäytymisensä riippuvuuden vuoksi on usein mahdotonta hyväksyä. Poikasi luultavasti pelasi ensimmäistä kertaa, aivan kuten miljoonat muut, vain huvin vuoksi – hän ei tiennyt (eikä voinut) tietää, että hänen seurauksensa olisi riippuvuus. Kukaan ei haluaisi olla pakko -uhkapeli. Yksi tapa selviytyä poikasi ilkeistä sanoista on kuvitella hänen riippuvuutensa pedona huoneen nurkassa. Kun puhut hänelle, hänen riippuvuutensa on hereillä, valmiina ja valmis hyppäämään – mutta niin kauan kuin pysyt viileänä etkä uhkaa sitä, se pysyy nurkassa. Poikasi hallitsee riippuvuutensa, mutta sinä et; voit hankkia tietoa ja olla askeleen edellä. Kun uhkailet hänen riippuvuuttaan olosuhteilla, se voi hypätä sinun välillesi ja hallita keskustelua, luultavasti kääntämällä sen väitteeksi, koska se on uhkien ja manipuloinnin mestari. Kun riippuvuuspeto on herännyt, kuulet vain hänen riippuvuutensa puhuvan – ja koska se tietää vain valheita ja petoksia, se pyrkii saamaan sinut tuntemaan syyllisyyttä ja demoralisoimaan sinut. Hänen riippuvuutensa vääristää sanojasi ja muuttaa todellisuutta merkittävästi hänen henkilökohtaisen käsityksensä mukaan – hän ei ymmärrä, mitä sanot. Peliriippuvuus on riippuvuus jatkuvasta epäonnistumisesta ja kurjuudesta, joten poikasi uskoo lähes varmasti olevansa arvoton. Koska hän uskoo, ettei hän ole hyvä, tästä seuraa, että sinun täytyy valehdella, kun kerrot rakastavasi häntä tai että hänen elämänsä olisi parempi, jos hän lopettaisi pelaamisen, koska miksi rakastat jotakuta niin arvotonta? Uskomalla olevansa arvoton poikasi taistelee vastenmielisillä sanoilla, vääristymillä ja petoksella, koska valitettavasti tällä hetkellä hänellä ei ole tai ei tiedetä muita selviytymismekanismeja. Seisoen ja vain kuuntelemalla sen sijaan, että yrittäisitte saada hänet kuuntelemaan teitä, toivottavasti teidän on helpompi pysyä poissa väittelystä, jolla ei ole mitään merkitystä sen lisäksi, että teistä tulee vähemmän hallinnassa. Kun olet alkanut yrittää asettaa puolesi, hänen riippuvuudellaan on jotain, johon hampaat osuvat. Tiedän, että tämä kaikki kuulostaa hieman negatiiviselta, mutta positiivinen puoli on se, että se poistaa sinut riippuvuuden keskipisteestä ja antaa sinulle aikaa ja energiaa huolehtia sinusta. En voi alkaa kertoa sinulle, kuinka tärkeää on huolehtia ensin itsestäsi ja että näin tehdessäsi sinusta tulee vahvempi. Yksi parhaista tavoista voittaa on olla pelaamatta peliä. 60 puntaa istunto on paljon rahaa, ja Isossa -Britanniassa on tukea pelaajille, joilla ei ole mitään. Ehkä, kun poikasi on valmis kuuntelemaan, voit näyttää hänelle GMA -ohjelman, joka on upea – tästä fantastisesta projektista on Q & A -osio foorumin sivun alaosassa. Puhun mielelläni siitä F & F -ryhmässä, tai sinä tai poikasi voitte kysyä apua neuvontapalvelustamme. Toivottavasti en ole heittänyt sinua liikaa ja että postaat taas. F & F -ryhmässä voit kysyä minulta mitä tahansa ja minä vastaan sinulle parhaani mukaan. Sametti