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Sveiki, Cindy Manau, kad tai, kad turite paklausti, ar turite priklausomybę, rodo, kad jau žinote, kad turite problemų, bet norėtumėte, kad šis forumas nesutiktų su jumis. Sunku suteikti jums reikalingą paramą kito asmens gijoje, todėl pradėkite savo temą. Galbūt galėtumėte iškirpti ir įklijuoti savo parašytą įrašą, kurį, įsivaizduočiau, jums buvo labai sunku parašyti. Šioje svetainėje yra daug palaikymo, Cindy-mes turime puikią pagalbos liniją, kurioje galite bendrauti asmeniškai, sudarėme grupes ir, žinoma, forumus. Viskas anonimiška ir būsite laukiami. Rašau jums, nes žinau, kad galite iš naujo kontroliuoti savo gyvenimą, todėl prašome dar kartą susisiekti. Šį atsakymą paliksiu jums su viena iš mano mėgstamiausių citatų: Galbūt niekada nežinote, kokie jūsų veiksmų rezultatai, bet jei nieko nedarysite, rezultatų nebus – Mahatma Gandi Greitai vėl kalbėk Velvet
Hei Cindy Minusta tuntuu, että se, että sinun on kysyttävä riippumatta siitä, onko sinulla riippuvuus, viittaa siihen, että tiedät jo, että sinulla on ongelma, mutta että haluat tämän foorumin olevan eri mieltä kanssasi. On vaikea antaa sinulle tukea, jota tarvitset jonkun toisen viestiketjussa, joten aloita oma lanka. Ehkä voit leikata ja liittää kirjoittamasi viestin, jonka kuvittelisin olevan erittäin vaikea kirjoittaa. Tällä sivustolla on paljon tukea sinulle Cindy-meillä on loistava neuvontapuhelin, jossa voit kommunikoida henkilökohtaisesti, olemme avustaneet ryhmiä ja tietysti foorumeita. Kaikki on anonyymiä ja olet tervetullut. Kirjoitan sinulle, koska tiedän, että voit hallita elämääsi uudelleen, joten ota yhteyttä uudelleen. Jätän tämän vastauksen sinulle yhdellä suosikkilainauksistani: Et ehkä koskaan tiedä, mitä tuloksistasi tulee, mutta jos et tee mitään, tuloksia ei tule – Mahatma Gandi Puhu uudelleen pian Velvet
Hallo Cindy Ik heb het gevoel dat het feit dat je moet vragen of je een verslaving hebt, suggereert dat je al weet dat je een probleem hebt, maar dat je zou willen dat dit forum het niet met je eens was. Het is moeilijk om je de steun te geven die je nodig hebt in een thread van iemand anders, dus start alsjeblieft je eigen thread. Misschien zou je het bericht dat je hebt geschreven, kunnen knippen en plakken, wat, denk ik, heel moeilijk voor je was om te schrijven. Er is veel ondersteuning voor je op deze site Cindy – we hebben een geweldige hulplijn waar je één-op-één kunt communiceren, we hebben groepen gefaciliteerd en natuurlijk de forums. Alles is anoniem en u bent van harte welkom. Ik schrijf je omdat ik weet dat je de controle over je leven weer in handen kunt nemen, dus neem alsjeblieft opnieuw contact op. Ik zal je dit antwoord geven met een van mijn favoriete citaten: Je weet misschien nooit welke resultaten je acties opleveren, maar als je niets doet, zullen er geen resultaten zijn – Mahatma Gandi Spreek snel weer Velvet
Bonjour Cindy, je pense que le fait que vous ayez à demander, si vous avez ou non une dépendance, suggère que vous savez déjà que vous avez un problème mais que vous aimeriez que ce forum ne soit pas d'accord avec vous. Il est difficile de vous apporter le soutien dont vous avez besoin sur le fil de quelqu'un d'autre, alors veuillez démarrer votre propre fil. Peut-être que vous pourriez couper et coller le message que vous avez écrit qui, j'imagine, était très difficile pour vous d'écrire. Il y a beaucoup de soutien pour vous sur ce site Cindy – nous avons une formidable assistance téléphonique où vous pouvez communiquer en tête-à-tête, nous avons animé des groupes et bien sûr des forums. Tout est anonyme et vous serez les bienvenus. Je vous écris parce que je sais que vous pouvez reprendre le contrôle de votre vie, alors s'il vous plaît, reprenez contact. Je vais vous laisser cette réponse avec l'une de mes citations préférées : Vous ne saurez peut-être jamais quels résultats découlent de vos actions, mais si vous ne faites rien, il n'y aura aucun résultat – Mahatma Gandi Parle à nouveau bientôt Velvet
Olá Cindy, sinto que o fato de você ter que perguntar se você tem ou não um vício sugere que você já sabe que tem um problema, mas gostaria que este fórum discordasse de você. É difícil fornecer o suporte de que você precisa no tópico de outra pessoa, portanto, inicie seu próprio tópico. Talvez você pudesse recortar e colar a postagem que escreveu, o que, imagino, foi muito difícil para você escrever. Há muito suporte para você neste site, Cindy – temos uma linha de apoio excelente onde você pode se comunicar individualmente, facilitamos grupos e, claro, os fóruns. Tudo é anônimo e você será bem-vindo. Estou escrevendo para você porque sei que você pode retomar o controle de sua vida, portanto, entre em contato novamente. Vou deixar esta resposta para você com uma das minhas citações favoritas: Você pode nunca saber quais resultados vêm de suas ações, mas se você não fizer nada, não haverá resultados – Mahatma Gandi Fale novamente em breve Veludo
Ciao Cindy, sento che il fatto che tu debba chiedere, se hai o meno una dipendenza, suggerisce che sai già di avere un problema ma che vorresti che questo forum non fosse d'accordo con te. È difficile darti il supporto di cui hai bisogno sul thread di qualcun altro, quindi per favore avvia il tuo thread. Forse potresti tagliare e incollare il post che hai scritto che, immagino, è stato molto difficile per te scrivere. C'è un sacco di supporto per te su questo sito Cindy: abbiamo una fantastica Helpline dove puoi comunicare uno a uno, abbiamo facilitato i gruppi e, naturalmente, i forum. Tutto è anonimo e sarai il benvenuto. Ti scrivo perché so che puoi riprendere il controllo della tua vita quindi per favore rimettiti in contatto. Lascio questa risposta a te con una delle mie citazioni preferite: Potresti non sapere mai quali risultati derivano dalle tue azioni, ma se non fai nulla non ci saranno risultati – Mahatma Gandi Parla di nuovo presto Velvet
Hi Julie,
You love your partner and you want to stay with him, so the next thing is to decide what to do to safeguard yourself and to support him. Safeguarding yourself is so important. Your partner’s addiction will take you all the way down with it, if you allow it and if it succeeds then you will lose yourself and not be able to help him.
It doesn’t sound much but looking after yourself every day is the most supportive thing you can do for yourself and for your partner. Take time every day to do something that pleases ‘you’, see friends and family, notice the beauty of the world around you (although it is difficult at the moment, I know), eat what ‘you’ want to eat, listen to the music that ‘you’ like, in other words put yourself at the centre of your world and not on the periphery of your partner’s world.
It works like this: your partner has a selfish addiction that is damaging him more than he realises. He cannot see, at the moment, how to control that addiction and in fact he doesn’t appear to want to do so. If you allow yourself to accept his world as yours, you could lose your health and happiness – you will become part of the wreckage of his addiction. If you are weakened by his addiction, you will not be able to support him.
Maybe you could tell your boyfriend that you have found this site and that you are seeking support for you – many gamblers do not think that those who love them need support. Perhaps you could ask him to contact our Helpline and/or facilitated gambler groups – it is all anonymous and is always available. Compulsive gamblers often try different supports before finding the one that makes the difference. They will tell you that they are not as bad as other gamblers, that they know what they are doing and various other excuses
Gamblers who are consumed by addiction do not think they are understood and mostly they are right. It is hard for non-gamblers to make sense of the senseless. However, what you do know is that your boyfriend is not happy, he is angry and he feels worthless. – and I know that hurts you..
This is a tough message Julie but the only person who can stop your boyfriend gambling is himself. The only person you can save is you.
I hope you will keep posting – you have written a brilliant first post that I suspect was hard to write – the first post is the most difficult.
I really do understand Julie, I have been in your shoes and not known which way to turn. However, I now know that your boyfriend can control his addiction or I wouldn’t be writing to you.
Be strong, take care of yourself, I am listening and I will walk with you for as long as you want me to do so. Ask any questions and push any thought around, you will find your answer,
velvetHI TM
Well done for seeking support, it must have been an awful shock to hear that your fiancé has such a problem when you are so close to marriage.
What steps has your fiancé taken to seek support because it is important that he takes responsibility for himself and his own behaviour – words are not enough and asking you to help, is not enough.
The addiction to gamble does not have to be a recurring problem although a compulsive gambler will always be a compulsive gambler. I know that your finance can take control of his addiction and live gamble free for ever if he has the determination and desire to do so but true recoveries are impossible to recognise in the early stages, they take tremendous courage and determination and are usually full of ups and downs. In my opinion, it is best that you put thoughts of marriage on a back burner for a while, allowing him time to get the support he needs and to prove himself to himself and to you.
There is a lot of support, nowadays, for a man with a gambling addiction; we have excellent facilitated gambler only groups on this site and a terrific Helpline that is one-to-one. Many gamblers find that GA is a great support.
Please keep posting, there is a lot to take in at the beginning and I know it isn’t easy. I was hoping you might make it into the F&F group this evening as it is so good to ‘talk’ in real time.
Speak soon
VelvetHello TM
Thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy friends and family forum. This forum will provide you with warmth and understanding from your peers.
Feel free to use the friends and family group, you’ll find the times for these if you click on the “Group times” box on our Home page
Read about the friends and Family Online Groups
Now that you have introduced yourself you’ll find that many of the people you meet here have already read your initial introduction and they’ll welcome you in like an old friend 🙂
If you’re the friend or family member of someone who is either in, or has been through, the GMA residential programme please take extra care to make sure that nothing you say in groups, or on our forums, inadvertently identifies that person. Even if your loved one isn’t connected with GMA, please don’t identify them either directly or indirectly just in case they decide to use the site themselves.
You’ll find a lot of advice on this site, some of which you’ll follow, some you won’t…but that’s ok because only you fully understand your situation and what’s best for you and the people you love. So, take the support you need and leave the advice you don’t because it all comes from a caring, nurturing place 🙂
We look forward to hearing all about you!
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Hi Daniel
Well done writing your first post which is an excellent reference for you to turn to in the future. I hope when you read it again that it will help you to understand that the nature of your compulsion means that ultimately you cannot and will not win.
This site would not be here Daniel, if compulsive gamblers could win and walk away and I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t know that you can control your addiction and be the man you want to be, the one your mother and father would want you to be.
Now that you have reached out, I hope you will continue to do so. You are young enough to have a whole world of happiness and success ahead of you if you accept your addiction and take responsibility for your behaviour. I am lucky enough to know many who have succeeded and who are living very special lives, often better in my opinion, for having had the strength, courage and determination to fight the addiction that has sadly found you. The flip side is that you are also young enough to sink even further into an abyss of debt and despondency.
There is nothing to be ashamed of in owning the addiction to gamble, you didn’t ask for it or want it but it is important that you accept that this is the way it is for you.
Charles facilitates our gambler groups on Mondays and Thursdays and he understands your addiction.. Please join him, you will be welcomed, understood, inspired and supported.
There is a lot of support for gamblers nowadays, maybe you could find GA (gamblers anonymous) groups in your area. Grab all the support you can find.
Whatever you decide Daniel make this step into recovery, the first of many. Healing takes time, it is gradual and exhausting but ultimately it is a walk back to the life you deserve.
I wish you well
Velvet
Hello Daniel and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
Keep posting Sunflower
You are being heard
Velvet
Hi Sunflower
I agree that the situation is not ideal but you have got your eyes open and I am hoping that that is enough to save you from being dragged down.
I am concerned that you are living in a state of anxiety which isn’t good but I believe I understand you.
I am really hoping that you will continue posting for your own sake and that you will focus on your own life as well as supporting your boyfriend.
Hopefully coronavirus will be reduced to something manageable soon and the world can return to some form of normality. I hope that the patience and fortitude that you are displaying at this really difficult time, will pay off for you.
I cannot stress strongly enough how important looking after yourself is at times like this. Please don’t let your boyfriend’s addiction cause you to stop seeing friends and enjoying hobbies and interests that please you. When you emerge from the lockdown, all the care you have taken of yourself will help you re-establish your life more easily.
If I thought for one minute that your boyfriend could not control his addiction I would not be writing to you, I know how lucky he is to have you standing by him but I also know the terrible heartache that can come from loving someone with this addiction.
Use this forum as a journal, it will help you to look back and see how far you have come and remind you what decisions you made along the way.
Speak soon, take care of yourself and keep safe
VelvetHi Bill
You can get through this with determination and courage. You are right that the consequences of continuing are severe, and probably wore than anything you can imagine but you are here now, accepting your addiction and hopefully taking responsibility for your debt, which is a big step in the right direction.
You do not have to earn more money to lead a more fulfilling life, you already have the power to live a better life, right there within you. Controlling an addiction to gamble takes guts but the end result is fantastic, you will be stronger and more empathetic, you will be the man you want to be, the man other will want to know. Controlling the addiction to gamble can be the greatest education. I am fortunate enough to know many who have learned to control their gambling and are living very special lives, more special, in my opinion, because of what they went through
Keep posting, keep going to meetings, you are being heard
Velvet
Hi Sunflower
In one way your therapist is right, your boyfriend can gamble regardless of what you say but the method is not reducing harm – it is feeding his addiction.
I also have no belief that this method can help him in the slightest. Unless he accepts his addiction and seeks treatment it will get worse, never better.
Is your boyfriend saying he does want to control his gambling because it would appear he doesn’t want to do so? Some gamblers do not want to stop gambling and will not stop until they have hurt themselves enough and/or all enablement has ceased. It takes courage to control an addiction but I wouldn’t be here if it was not possible.
Giving cash to a gambling addict, whether it is $1 or a $1,000,000 is enabling his addiction. Maybe you could ask him how he wants you to help him because at the moment, he is asking you to keep his addiction alive and growing and it is hurting you to do so.
Please speak bluntly at you therapy session tomorrow, your boyfriend needs the right support and more importantly, as far as I am concerned, so do you. You are being brought down by his addiction and it will take you all the way down with it, if you allow it to do so.
I hope you are keeping your own finances safe, unfortunately it is harder to keep your heart safe and I understand that.
While your boyfriend is only prepared, in his life, to put himself first, please put yourself first, in yours Sunflower. If you lose your health and happiness then the addiction has claimed an extra life.
Velvet