[ujju197]

Added one more day to my clean sheet, but the Pain & Anxiety has taken control of me.

I am analyzing my situation, and my finding says my Trigger Points are:-
– Lying to my Loved ones during this bad phase or before that too
– The Debt which keep raising day by day

Thus, I am not in good shape to do anything for Point 2, that will totally dependent on time (may be 2-3 years to recover financially). But, I am working on Point 1 to be True with my Loved ones.

Almighty Please give me sunshine or ray of hope that I can be on Right path.

[ujju197]

Hello Siroko,

Its good to read that you have completed 3 days as clean. Just keep the guard On; don’t fall prey to the Illusion that we can ever win in Gambling.

Take baby steps to the recovery, believe me this is the toughest thing I am going through too. But we all have to be strong. We have to accept, that we have ruined things and we are the only one who is responsible to get things fine. But, it will take time and lot of patience. We are like Tortoise in this race, it will be slow but if we stick; we will be the Winner one day. (pain is temporary and glory is forever).

[ujju197]

Hello Cruising247,

I have learned one thing from the GA/GT community, that during recovery we have to learn to stay away from Gambling/First Bet. This Addiction never ends, so we just have to stop and keep it tightly bound with the iron chains. The beast will always be near us, long life; but choice is ours i.e. We have to select the Truth or Beast(Illusion).

[ujju197]

Today, I completed 13 days Gamble Free & Clean.

Pain, Guilt & Shame in my inner-self is on the peak. Don’t know how to control the emotions but I knew one thing now for sure:-

“I have to stay away from the first killing bet”; If I play again for a day it will add 1 month of suffering to my life.

Broken and humiliated Compulsive gambler

[ujju197]

Hello Cruising247,

In last we all are humans and used to mistakes. And, especially we compulsive gambler used to get in this trap again and again.

But stay strong, and stay away from the first killing bet.

We all are with you. We need you here (You are inspiration to many)

[ujju197]

Hello Siroko,

Welcome back to the board, and request you to stick with the plan. (Stay away from the first killing bet).

I have gone through all this trauma, three times in just 2 years. Feeling shame and guilt. Spoiling myself and my family future. But this time I have came here with Rigid Spirit that I will stay away from the first killing bet.

So, just request “Be Honest with yourself and your loved ones”; everything will be fine soon.

[ujju197]

It feels great to touch double figure of Gamble Clean, today I completed 11 day, after 2 relapses in last 24 days.

Just focusing to fill my financial Void which I have created in last 2 years; this is going to take long and its too much painful.

[ujju197]

Just Checking in, 8 Days Clean today longest till time now.

Feeling lot of Pain, but source of Pain is me and me only.

[ujju197]

Hello,

Welcome to the GT Family.

I am still in recovery and that too in Initial Stage, but I have few words for you.
– Believe in God and bring in some prayer schedule/Meditation in your daily routine
– Take Minute by Minute / Hour By Hour / Day By Day (Stay Away from the first bet/deposit)
– Don’t ever think about recovering your losses through gambling or any other shortcut (pass on your passwords to your loved one/or put a blocker to all this)
– There can be moment when you will be unable to control yourself with stress or Anxiety, so talk to your friends or with us here.
– The journey to recovery is really tough, so please stay positive…don’t let the first guard go down.

GT family, is always a message away to be with you.

[ujju197]

By grace of the God, and motivation from my new Family members here in GT group, I completed 4 day Gamble Free.

The road is really tough, stress level is too high Bcoz of Debt and urge to play. But, I am taking this “One Hour at a Time” instead of “One Day at a Time” 🙂

[ujju197]

Hello Ncosta, and Welcome!

This addiction is more like illness, and which affect mental and physical health negatively. So, don’t think about this anymore and just stay strong and stay away from the first bet.(any amount).

There will be lot of challenges in this journey, but have to stay focused “One day at a time”.

Almighty will show the mercy and life be normal soon.

[ujju197]

Just To Update Completed Clean Day 2 after second Relapse.

Feel Anxious, lot of mood swings, many crying sessions but in last the stage at which I am is Because of me, I am the only one who have to make things fine.

Almighty will show his mercy and grace

[ujju197]

Hello Cruising247 & Daniel,

Hope you both doing great and going through the different stages in the recovery. Wish you best for that.

After Reading your post, I want to write about my situation/feelings too, here.

My emotions and inner strength have reached the saturation level, that I can’t continue myself with any process or recovery. In recovery journey of around 10 days, I already relapsed twice. I am broken, and hit the bottom already. I don’t know tomorrow I will have money to arrange food for my family or myself. I am back again on the stage where I will not have any financial loss anymore; because I don’t have any funds or source of fund which will be with me or in my reach.

I am near to a stage where I will loose myself mentally or physically; but as soon as my mind opts to finish myself physically “I get picture of people who loves me, who helps me during my life, the new family here and others”; and tell myself “NO” and update myself that there is lot of things and happiness I have to see/enjoy in my life.

There will be lot of pain which I will suffer, and my dear ones will suffer too because of my illness. But I have to stay strong and keep going whether it take months / years or decades.

Will keep going “One Day at a Time” and, slowly but gradually will break the Debt mountain too which is standing over my head.

There are no shortcuts to success or recovery, so now have to suffer/enjoy all stages till I get back to my normalcy.

Almighty help me with courage to keep standing.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by ujju197.

[ujju197]

Hello Daniel,

Thanks for still motivating.

• This reply was modified 4 years ago by Dunc.

[ujju197]

Hello Folks,

Once again, I loose my motivation and strength; and fell to the prey. I forget the motive of One day at a Time.

Just 8 days in to recovery or we can say trying to be normal, I have been into two Relapses. Yesterday Night, I was not able to sleep just thinking abut debt and my future. Suddenly, I get refund from somewhere in one my e-wallets. And, as soon as it arrives; I don’t think twice “I just created a fake account and spend all that money to my gambling urge or try to get some money to pay to debt collectors.”

Feel so guilty for the same, I even forget wise words from my one my GT family member Daniel “He just said yesterday, that if we don’t stop the debt hole will keep increasing” still I played and played till I loose all.

But I understand that my trigger point is my huge debt not desire to play. So I have to start working on that.

Almighty please help me.

[Author]

Posts