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Also – I have 2 young boys.. I feel bad that my playing online takes away from time with them.. but in my head, im winning money for our future. when really i would just be saving money by not playing, and giving them a better life, by just being with them.
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nIt’s always easier said than done, and the night is the hardest. Boredom kicks in and I just want to play poker. It makes me feel so relaxed to just chill with my computer and play some cards and try to win that big prize.. but it always comes with regret. I wish i could remember that regret more.
nReading your story really hit me hard, I have been struggling with my online poker addiction for years. Everything you said, I relate to.. It’s like i’m chasing this big dream to win money to make everyone proud and help everyone out.. but really i’m only hurting myself and everyone i love.. I want to stop playing poker.. but it’s literally my passion and dream to be a professional poker player.. so it’s hard to just give up on a dream. But i have been through similar situations as yours, but smaller amounts.. i started with like 100$ on roulette, got up to 3000$, but ended up betting around 500$ at a time and lost it all.. It still haunts me that I could have made 3k in an hour and did a lot for myself with it..
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nI excluded myself from all my favorite sites for 6 months and i did really well until a friend at work started talking about poker again and i realized my self exclusion was up.. so i started playing again and won like 3k off of about 100.. and now i think i’m actually negative what i started with.. so i lost over 3k again basically.. just so frustrating.. and the worst part is knowing that i probably never would have cashed out…. if i turned 3k into 6k, i probably just would have lost it.. although, i did actually pull some out this time, when i won.. but i lost the rest and ended up putting what i won back on plus some.. i hate myself. i need something to keep my mind and hands busy.. i want something that i can enjoy doing in my free time and make some money with! then i feel i would truly be happy..
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nwhile i had quit playing poker, i was trying to pull out and set aside money for things that i want (tattoos, clothes, bike parts, etc) because i knew if i didn’t, saw that money in my account , then i would just bet it because it was *free spending money* when really it wasnt.. so.. now i think im going to try and ban myself again.. and focus on something positive and save/make money..
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nI would love to follow and help with your progress as well, since your story really resonates with me.
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nI hope the best for you man, I can tell you have a good heart, you can beat this. SAVE your money. set aside a certain amount every pay for things like dates with your girl, money for car, etc,.. it doesn’t seem like it, but in the long run, stuff like that will be more impressive..