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Happy Birthday Harry!
I can’t believe another year has past. Hope your day was spent having tons of laughs and memories to last you another year. XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Sosad,
All that you are feeling and expressing is very much part of your recovery. We learn from these emotional and draining episodes. It is so familiar for the cg to turn the tables on the noncg saying we make them feel worst, we are being irrational but we have every right to feel like we do. We have been **** to, manipulated and worse. In my book actions always speak louder than words and if I were you I would not make any life moving changes. If he is in recovery he hasn’t been in it for long enough. Just to say he is going to meetings is not enough. Listen to your gut and don’t let him or anyone else make you feel guilty. Experiences change us and you’ll see eventually you will know what is the right choice for you. So keep walking in your new shoes and walk with a smile knowing you will be fine either way. XXXTwilight
(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Blue,
It is great that you are back and though you are at a difficult time I also feel that you have finally realized, hence rock bottom, what the addiction is. How it **** to you all along, how it used you and how it is now abandoning you. I am not meaning to hurt you but to just to support you. Remember how you feel now and never go back to it when you start rebuilding your life. It is like an ex who wants you back when you have something again. It is best that you cut all ties now. Your mom’s support is a blessing and the best repayment is for you to live a gamble free life. Much love and happiness to you. Just take it day by day. XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Ell,
You are such a sweet person, so full of love and pure goodness. You really have been through a lot with your husband’s gambling and you are still suffering from the aftermath, the debt still ***** to be paid and it is affecting your family’s life. No one can be expected to just accept that lightly and just
move on like it didn’t happen. You have every right to express your feelings to your husband. Your doubts are legitimate and all family and friends have them. It comes with the territory with the lies and manipulation we believed in the past, only to be crushed when confronted with the truth. The hardest part I believe is letting go of trying to make the cg make their recovery work. It really is futile and the best way to get a family healthy from this addiction is to focus on one’s own recovery, it ties in with the family. There are no easy solutions but getting the support you need for your happiness and your children is what matters the most. Just because a person is your family, it doesn’t give them the right to abuse chances given of should they always be excused. This is called abuse and there always should be a line that should not be crossed. You are doing in incredibly well XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Welcome Goldenharp,
It is very good that you are here, reading and now posting. GT has been my rock understanding this addiction and the support I have received her theses last few years in my recovery as a child of a cg. As you have already seen this addiction just doesn’t go away nor does it want to. It just wants to grow making not just the gamblers’ life a living **** but the family and friends attached. There are many strategies to place barriers so they cannot gamble but again that only works if they are firmly placed. Also, you cannot enable the cg in anyway, ex: if he cannot pay a bill, you cannot help him. He can shout, cry, threaten until he is blue in the face and still you will not bail him out. But most importantly, he has got to want to quit. He has to want his recovery so bad that he is willing to do what it takes.
In my case, my father never admit to his gambling problem and it did ruin his life. However, there are those that are living gambling free lives, they are happy enjoying the simple pleasures it life. This addiction can never be cured per say but it can be controlled. You really need to think about your situation. He gambled again after he said he wouldn’t now the ball is in your court. You are freer than you think, you are not married not do you have children. Look after you and do what is right for you and never feel guilty doing what you feel.
Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Kathryn,
Who would have thought I could have a real friendship with someone in cyberspace, but I here I am writing you dear friend. This is jut shows that impossible can happen. Your support from the years, especially as one of the first who reached to me will always be remembered. Those days were terribly frightening but they are in the past. I smiled as I read how your presents are wrapped, bills are paid and how there is food in the cupboard. It truly is the simple things that make us happy and others around us.
Your recovery will always be the greatest gift to your children and family. You are an amazing woman and I take joy in reading your updates.
Merry Christmas to YOU and your family.
Twilight
(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Kathryn,
You are so very welcomed! You will always have a special place in my heart.
XXXTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Dear Kathryn,
You are too sweet! You make me smile and I am honored to know you. I can’t believe that it has been almost three years since you wrote back on one of my first posts. So much has happened and through it all we both managed to make it through. You on your recovery and mine. Part of my recovery was writing Please Girl, though it was hard I knew I had to finish it. Still I will never be fully recovered but I am at a much better place in my life, thanks to friends here and YOU.
XXXTwilight
(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Dear Kathryn,
Your trip to Bali has certainly peaked my interest in visiting one day. I am so glad that you enjoyed it so and I am thrilled it was all you imagined and more I believe. I realize more and more how we must take more time for ourselves to stop and enjoy ourselves, smell the roses as they say, treat ourselves more. Have you thought about your next vacation? My dream vacation would be to go to London.
Pole dancing, brave woman you are indeed. I am sure there were alot of laughs exhanged between yourself and Brea that will last a lifetime. I think it takes a special person to like pole dancing, lol.
This has been a good weekend. Normalcy is a good thing and I am so happy my life is getting there with each day but with it came a very high price. I am thankful my father is safe, not gambling, and is getting the help he needs. Now I can go on living and enjoying the simple things of life.
xxxTwilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Dear Vera,
You have been there for me in many ways you don’t know. Your advice to others has helped me and of course when you write me. I feel like I have a friend that understands and is doing what she can to help.*****
I will never forget how you reponded to me so shortly after I wrote my last thread entry. I was literally shaking as I typed, sickened by what had become of my father. I will so update my thread with details of what has transpired in the last few rocky days, still drained and spent, but I write this with a smile and a rested heart God has worked miracles. I believe the worst is behind my father and me.
Vera, your say it as it is approach reminds me very much like myself and I certainly hope I don’t cross the line by saying that on the flip side you are very sensitive, big, heart but because we have been through so much. We are guarded and don’t like to take any excuses or BS anymore. Your suggestion that I should seek mental assistance from my father caused me to google like mad and that is when I discovered Baker Act and went for it. I believe in a way you helped me save my father.
THANK YOU VERA!!!! THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU A MILLION *****. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL PERSON.
*****Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Mark,
Hi, I often come to the My Journal side to read and of course your thread’s title warrant to read more. First, I think it is just wonderful that you have come so far in your recovery, two years gamblefree is a huge accomplishment! Just reading what you endured to gain more visitation with your daughter speaks volumes. Just remember your past is your past but it doesn’t equal the future. I especially feel this way when someone makes a conscious choice to change their life for the better like you. You see I am a daughter of a cg father. You are giving your daughter the greatest gift by rejecting the addiction and she will be forever better in her life.*** Update more***Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Kathryn,
You can talk to me about Bali all you like. I am so happy for YOU. You deserve it and I can wait to read how wonderfully it went. Just another great perk of living the life you do. If it weren’t for you I would have tossed the towel long ago though things didn’t work out. Still I am grateful I tried and am not left with any bitterness. We all cope differently yet we can learn from others. Have a wonderful Sunday. Love, Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Dear Kathryn,
What a lovely surprise to see your post this morning. You have shown this community how one can beat this addiction with grace and complete rejection. You have given your children and family the greatest gift. YOU. I’ve learned so much from you. Thank You xxxxxxxxx It sounds like your had a wonderful Mother’s Day minus the in law breakfast. Can’t imagine how she would think it was alright to leave little ones behind. I’m on my way to my in laws in a few. I saw my Mother earlier and we had a lovely breakfast with the girls and her. We laughed and my littlest who is 5 convienced her to play hide and seek. It was a joy to see my mother walking around the house looking for her. great day. love, Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Looby,
Last year I had thyroid surgery (total removal) I didn’t have my mother contact my father in regards to my surgery because he was still on probation and also for obvious reasons but I remember as I was in the preop room how I couldn’t stop cryiny for him. There is something about just going underthe knife and beng put to sleep that humbles you and softens your heart. How I wished he was there because I was felt if I were to die I would not want him to think that I didn’t love him. Thankfully I wokeup, but of course there is always that chance. We have learned we can seperate the addiction from the person, so in this siutation I would call too. Thinking of you at this time as always across the ocean xxxTwilight (I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)Hi Kathryn,
Hoping your quest in 2012 is on its way for the new year. Reading your comment about how you wanted to do more as you felt you are just going through the motions of life. Well, you have given so much support here and this is a huge accomplishment. I believe we often don’t acknowledge great things we do because it isn’t exactly hard but I have come to learn the things we enjoy and do easily are the ones that make us shine. You definately bring a smile to me when I read your posts. Yet, I also understand what you mean wanting to do more. I felt the same way Dec 2010. I made a promise to myself, not really telling anyone, not my husband or children I just started to do what I felt I missed in my life. I love to write, read, take long walks, write, read, and take long walks. So this past year that is exactly what I have been doing in my spare time. I had a wonderful year doing this and I continue to do the three daily if I can. The walking bit is a challenge during the work week but if I can I will. So find the things you are passinate about and do it. You’ll see how enriched your life will become. You will be happier. You know I turend 40 this past year, so I decided it was time I stick to a skin care reguime, which I always struggled with but now I look forward to it before I go to bed. These little things I never did before thinking it was too expensive. A big congrats for not smoking anymore. The walks you mention are so much better and better for you. Take care, Twilight(I believe we get our greatest strength from the hardest obstacles)