[trulyshi]

Bettie, every day that I talk to you is a special day to me.  You have been my rock, girl, through good and through bad and because of you I am making my recovery work this time.  You are a special lady and a very special friend.  If that mirror saw you through my eyes it would see the most beautiful person in the world because that is what I see, inside and out.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

You should be very proud of yourself, I know that I am proud of you.  Remember, urges and thoughts are not actions until you turn them into that.  I still have urges and thoughts of gambling after close to 4 months but they pass.  The repercussions of acting on them will not pass, they will linger and cause more pain and conflict.  The banning does help but continue on posting here and if you can get counselling or GA put that in place as well.  You are doing terrific.  Deb

[trulyshi]

Oh Cat, I am so excited.  Already deciding what colour I want to paint the rooms.  Landlord said he would paint it all white or I could paint colours myself.  I want to paint it and make it my own.  Going to get a nice rug for the living room.  All I need to buy is a kitchen table and some lamps, I have everything else.  It is down by the river so can go for nice walks by the river.  It is the apartment that is two blocks over and down the street from Barry, but who cares.  This is all about me and what is right and good for me.  I have the first week of April booked off work for vacation so have a week to clean, paint and move in.  Will be so much fun, it is PERFECT.  You can come visit anytime, Cat.  Ooooooooh, just cannot wait to have my own space.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

WOOOOOHOOOOO, found my apartment.  I move in April 1st, landlord agreed to the rent I wanted to pay as long as I sign a one year lease.  It is so nice, 20 minute walk to work for me, and the rooms are HUGE.  It is a secure building and I will be on the 2nd floor, which is exactly what I wanted.  Things are working out so well for me, quick Velvet, pinch me again so I know I am not dreaming.  Deb

[trulyshi]

Going out for breakfast with Ken, then off to view an apartment.  My daughter spent alot of time yesterday searching online for available units and there is actually quite a few out there in my price range.  Babysat Sarah last night and she is getting so big and is getting such a personality, I love it.  This is the start of my weekend, back to work on Tuesday.  Have a great day everyone.  Deb

[trulyshi]

Thanks Carole and Velvet.  I am not beating myself up about the bingo, just going to learn from it.  I have already decided that I am not going to jump back into a relationship, but I am going to date.  I am enjoying the companionship and after my last few fiascos i know exactly what I am NOT looking for.  You are right, Carole, everyone is different.  My head is much more clear than it was last October and I know I will feel even better when I have my own place, which is at the top of my priority list right now. I stayed in an abusive relationshp for a long time and continued to abuse myself as well by gambling out of control because of my insecurities and fears.  After years of this I was finally forced to face them and I have realized that I am a pretty strong person.  I am actually looking forward to living on my own and taking care of myself, I know I can do it.  There is a reason why things happens in life, even Barry, lol.  Deb 

[trulyshi]

Iwon, what kind of blocker do you have on your computer and do you attend GA meetings.  What support other than this site is in place for yourself.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

I actually have both of my bank accounts in the black for the first time in years and I am so proud of myself.  I have lived in overdraft for so long I do not remember what it is like to not be in it.  I have even started building up a small savings account to use for emergencies.  So, this is what it is like to be responsible.  I like it.  Deb

[trulyshi]

Hi there I Won, keep up the good work.  I stopped ******** days, I prefer to ***** the months.  Every day that goes by without a bet is a good day.  Keep posting, reading and doing what you need to do for yourself.  Everyone is different, I have weekly one on one support with a counsellor and banned myself from the casino.  Between those things and the support I find here I am making it.  Feel proud of yourself and hang in there.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Hi Buckle.  I am Debbie and I am a compulsive gambler.  I just wanted to let you know that if not for the support I have received here, through GA and personal counselling I would not be in the solid recovery I am now.  Life has thrown me many curves over the past year, especially over the past few months and only that support has gotten me through.  Even thought I am not gambling now I will not let my guard down and will not stop my weekly counselling sessions or the posting here.  If I become complacent then it could be my downfall, addiction is not a curable disease, it is for a lifetime.   Please tell your husband to continue what has been working for him, it is worth it.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Thanks Bettie, Neva and Larry.  I really did not think about it until afterwards, which is why I told my counsellor I had gone to bingo, I did realize it was gambling but I did not consider it a slip, just a stupid mistake.  Anyways, I still feel that my real clean date is October 22, 2012 and I know I am on the right track and doing well.  Went out for chinese food tonight with my buddy, Ken.  He treated and it was so nice.  He started telling me a story and I reminded him that he had told me the same story about 4 years ago.  He was shocked and said that he thought he had never told anyone that before because it was very personal.  We know alot about each other and it is a very warm and fuzzy thing.  Anyways, I am pretty tired, I used my brain alot today at work so it wore me out.  Time to turn in.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

OMG, Larry, I am laughing so hard, omg, I am rolling on the floor.  Funniest video ever, hahahahahahaha.  Thank you

[trulyshi]

Hey girl, was it a pineapple and ham pizza, cause if it was then you could have had pineapple upside down pizza.  LMAO, only you!!!!!  Deb

[trulyshi]

Boy did I ever get in big trouble with my counsellor today.  I went to a bingo game last week (figured bingo was NOT my addiction) and I got a lecture.  BINGO IS GAMBLING.  I have an ADDICTION and gambling is not my problem – it is just the solution to my addiction.  I need to deal with the addiction.  My head is swimming, I thought I WAS dealing with the addiction, but apparently I still have alot of work to do.  I do not even like bingo, it was just a social thing and something to do, but I will not do it again.  I know he is right and I know that I gambled, but I look upon the casino as gambling and the casino as my problem.  ARGHHHHHHHHHH, so I guess I slipped.  Anyways, had a great day other than getting chewed out but I guess I deserved it.  Will learn from it and move forward.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Ican, what a sweet story, thank you for sharing.  I think starting out as friends is for the best.  I had a wonderful time today.  We went for a long drive and stopped for coffee and talked.  We talked more over dinner and I found myself wondering why I had never looked at this man in this light before.  The best part is he already knew about my gambling addiction, I had told him about it and he had witnessed it many many years ago.  He told me tonight that he has no interest in going to the casino and would certainly never ask me to go there.  What I really liked was that he opened and closed the car door for me and offered me his arm when we were walking so I did not slip on the snow.  It was nice to be treated like a lady, it has been a long time.  I think it would be funny if I have been looking for my prince for so long and he was sitting right there under my nose the whole time.  Anyways, tomorrow is a busy day, watching my granddaughter for most of the day, then a session with my one on one counsellor from Problem Gambling, then grocery shopping.  I love it when my day is planned out and it is busy (keeps the urges away).  Debbie

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