[trulyshi]

Thanks for posting these Bettie.  Reading them again from time to time helps to keep things in perspective.

[trulyshi]

Catching up on threads and was reading yours.  You have been so busy!!!  Wish I had some of your energy right now.  I need to take a trip to the dr’s since my right foot has been acting up the past two weeks and I am limping like crazy.  I may have damaged a nerve or ligament.  It’s frustrating since I walk to and from work each day and it takes me a lot longer than usual.  Sounds like your place is getting very organized, I love my uncluttered apartment and come home each day in amazement at how my life has changed so much for the better.  Take care and keep up the good work, Deb.

[trulyshi]

Thanks Kathryn, I had a wonderful long weekend.  I have another week off in October and I think I will plan a trip to see Bettie since she has been to see me 3 ***** and I have not gone there yet.  I hate driving on highways and freeways, I become panicked and nervous.  It’s amazing that I actually have enough money to consider taking a train or plane in order to go and visit Bettie.  Sarah’s first birthday is rapidly approaching and I am going to the mall tonight to shop for that special first birthday gift.  Looking back over this past year and reflecting over all the changes that have come into my life I can hardly believe that I am in such a different situation and mind frame now.  I can recognize triggers that used to send me down to the casino and spiral out of control.  No life is ever conflict free and I’m not running away from conflict anymore, I am learning to cope with it.  I think that the debt incurred by my past coping mechanisms was probably the worst, which no longer seems insurmountable.  I deal with it one day at a time, paying off important bills and keeping up with the others.  Money is starting to have value again and is no longer just "ammunition" to feed my addiction.  I used to think, "just four more years and I’ll be out of debt" then I would consolidate my debts and start all over.  I refuse to live for the future, and have stopped thinking that way.  Every day is a new one and it is important to live in the here and now.  Recovery does not mean that I will suddenly "find" all the money I had lost, or suddenly start to see a lot of money in my bank account.  Recovery means that slowly, over time, I can get back on my feet and see my own worth.  It has taken close to a year to be able to plan and afford a trip to see a wonderful friend and that is something that even a year ago I would not have been able to do, or even fathom doing.  Today I am happy and at peace.  Today I will not gamble, but live life to the fullest.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

((((((Pink))))))) Wanted to let you know that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you do decide to strike out on your own.  Yes, I am a CG but I was also in a very emotionally abusive relationship.  My partner was an enabler and was not supportive when I entered recovery so that I would continue gambling and he could control me.  He was a hoarder, used me financially and was also a *** addict.  I stayed in the relationship far longer than I should have because I was afraid of change, afraid of the future and had no resources.  He ended the relationship on my birthday and threw me out of his house when he realized that he could no longer control me, I was finally coming out of my gambling fog and seeing things for what they really were.  I ended up moving back in with my ex husband and son for 6 months until I got back on my feet and was able to afford to rent an apartment and get the things I needed.  I love my freedom now, I can make my own decisions and enjoy coming home to my little place – because it’s MINE.  I met a wonderful man 3 months ago but am taking things slow in order to make sure it’s the right thing for me.  I will never be a victim again, I am worth so much more.  Whatever decision you make, do what’s best for you.  Fear of the unknown can hold us hostage and so much of this wonderful life slips away from us.  Take care of yourself, Pink, you deserve better.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Your post made me cry.  Thank you for reposting.  I miss you and will give you a call this weekend.  Luv ya girl

[trulyshi]

Thanks for your post gf, I can’t wipe the smile off my face. 

[trulyshi]

Oh Bettie and Carole!!!!!  Apparently the rich young thing that Barry dumped me for on my birthday has dumped him a few days ago……..  A WEEK BEFORE HIS BIRTHDAY.  Neighbours spotted him frantically trying to stop her from leaving, waving his arms and trying to stop her car.  LMAO, karma really does exist.  I think he saw her money disappearing with her and he just lost it.  I’ve also been told he’s back on the dating website, hunting down his next victim.  Doesn’t sound like a broken heart to me, lol.  Anyways, that inner petty devil inside of me is laughing like crazy.  I have the last laugh anyways – a great job, a terrific boyfriend, happy, healthy and loving family and…..  I’m not gambling.  Looks like I came out the winner here.  Living well is truly the best revenge.  Luv to all, Deb

[trulyshi]

Just want to put my thoughts down here while they are still fresh.  I had a rough start on Monday, was the last day of my vacation and gambling urges were sooooooo strong.  It really surprised me since I haven’t really had the desire to gamble in quite awhile.  I logged onto the Live Advice Helpline and Harry helped me muddle through my thought process and while I am disappointed in myself for having the urges, I am proud of myself for not acting on them.
I have kept in touch with my ex’s sister since our breakup last October.  Whenever she mentions him and his girlfriend I am filled with rage and hatred and wish that he would suffer just as he made me suffer.  I realize that even though I have told her I don’t ever want to hear anything about him again, I want to hear something BAD.  He has **** about many things since the breakup and said some nasty things about me and it has finally triggered strong gambling urges.  I feel much better after talking things out with Harry and I realize that I need to completely let it go (I thought I had).  I most certainly have no warm and fuzzy feelings, but I need to let go of the animosity. 
I think I still dislike myself for having stayed in a terrible environment for as long as I did, one with no love, warmth, attention or support.  My insecurities and low self esteem kept me in an abusive home with an extremely selfish person but I am in a "good" place right now and cannot allow those memories to take me backwards.
Thank you Harry for being in the right place at the right time.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Just got word that Thelma is stranded on the highway (again) with a flat tire (again).  Geeeeeez, I sure hope a Brad Pitt type stops by to lend you a hand.  Am waiting patiently for your arrival, no matter how late tonight.  Maybe we really should do a Thelma and Louise and drive that car off a cliff, it has given you nothing but grief anyways, lol.

[trulyshi]

Hey Thelma!  One more sleep and we’re off on our big adventure.  Wanna go over the falls in a barrel?

[trulyshi]

W4nt, I too have hit the bottom of the barrel but I chose to claw my way back up to the top.  I kept telling myself that things couldn’t possibly get worse, but they did.  I was my own worst enemy and was in constant denial.  There are other jobs, W4nt, there are other women, there is always more money down the road.  Never, ever give up, never admit defeat.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Babysitting Sarah for a bit then off to my counselling.  Such a quiet weekend compared to having Bettie here and being busy, busy, busy.  Loving my apartment, independance is a great thing.  Deb

[trulyshi]

Arghhhhhhh, I miss you so much.  Wish you lived closer. 

[trulyshi]

Hey everyone, I’m still alive, lol.  Still do not have internet connection, will probably be another week.  Babysitting tonight so using my daughter’s computer.  Everything is good, just about done with the move only a few more boxes to unpack, the novelty wore off so there they sit, lol.  Hope everyone is well and I will sit and do a big post when I get my computer up and running.  Deb

[trulyshi]

I absolutely loved your last post here Cat.  April is a wonderful month, new flowers, the smell of rain, sunshine and warmer weather.  Its a great month to stay gamble free, ***** me in.  Debbie

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