[trulyshi]

Hi Tara. I agree with you about money losing its value to compulsive gamblers. It just becomes ammunition to feed our addiction. Lying is part of our makeup too, I became very good at lying in the past and even believed most of what I was telling others myself. Can you self-exclude from your gambling venue? I posted here, had one on one counselling, group counselling and attending a few GA meetings but it was banning myself from the casino that finally did the trick and allowed me some time to think about my actions and have some clarity. I also “came clean” to my friends and family regarding my addiction and their support has been wonderful. Of course, I needed to show them that I was serious about my recovery and the self exclusion helped do that. Perhaps writing down your feelings, how you feel before, during and after you gamble, will help you to remember those feelings. When you have a gambling urge, go back and read your journal here. Keep posting and go to one of those meetings as well as the counselling, it all helps. Debbie

[trulyshi]

You are never alone, P. I am right here, thinking of you. So proud of you for not gambling, even though you are feeling down. I also have been eating a lot lately and I need to change that. A friend of mine keeps cut up carrot sticks and celery in a glass of water in the fridge so that they are easy to grab and munch on. I buy bags of carrots and celery and they end up getting thrown out because they go bad, still sitting in the bag. Perhaps my friend has the right idea. Cutting things up in munchies portions right away and have it readily available would probably induce me to eat it instead of junk food. Even cutting up watermelon and cantelope and having it in covered bowls in the fridge would appeal to me if it were “ready to eat”. Anyways, I got off topic there, congratulations again on not gambling today. Debbie

[trulyshi]

Hey Carole, I have a suggestion for you. Next time the gambling bug bites, give it more than a one liner in your journal. Instead of saying “I gambled yesterday” or “I gambled last night” how about talking about what led up to the incident and how you felt during and after. It helped me to talk about the times I went down to the casino because eventually I figured out what was triggering it. It was not always the same thing but sometimes insite can help us avoid it from happening the next time. Also I found it very therapeutic to talk about how I felt while I was gambling and afterwards, when I read back in my journal I was either ashamed of myself, felt guilty, or was able to remember those feelings of remorse and it really did help. Just a suggestion because we all know that just admitting that we gambled doesn’t alleviate that guilt or make it okay. Hope you are enjoying your “space” as much as I am, I truly love having my own apartment right now and find tranquility in coming home from work and being able to just relax, cook what I want, eat when I want and watch what I want on t.v, lol. Congratulations on the will power for the weight loss, that will be my next project to tackle after giving up smoking. One thing at a time, the gambling had to go first, now I can move on to my other issues, lmao. Debbie

[trulyshi]

Thank you my friends for your early birthday wishes. One more day of being 53, sigh! I PASSED MY EXAM. That definitely deserves capital letters, lol. I got a whopping 80% when only 75 was needed. Worst case scenario was that I would have had to rewrite it in about 2 months so I just focussed on the questions and decided to stop stressing and do the best I could. I am off to babysit my granddaughter Sarah today and have not seen her in over a week so I am excited since at a year old I know there will be changes in her. Bill took me out for dinner on Saturday with his kids and my daughter for an early birthday celebration and it was wonderful. There was a beautiful vase of two dozen GREEN roses waiting for me on the restaurant table (my favourite colour). I am also the proud owner of a beautiful GREEN coach purse (my first), thank you Bettie I love you. I look forward to the coming year because I know that more good things are looming on the horizon. There will also be bad things, unexpected things that will challenge my addiction, but I am learning new coping mechanisms every day and am embracing the changes in my life. I still get urges but I don’t want to risk my happiness and the happiness of those close to me by giving in to them, the momentary rush of gambling will not replace the peace and self worth I have found. Hope everyone has a terrific day, hang in there RG, one day at a time will eventually turn in to a change for the better. Debbie

[trulyshi]

This Thursday, the 24th, will mark not only my birthday but one year since Barry and I broke up and he tossed me out of his house. What a year!!!!! It has been an eye opener and probably one of the best years I have ever had. I have been on three vacations this year compared to none over the past 5 years. The most memorable one was my recent trip to Chicago to visit Bettie. I had the bestest time EVER. I think I ate my way through Chicago, lol. Went to a fabulous play and met Bettie’s two wonderful kitties (one bit me, but we’ll overlook that). Seems the only time I really enjoy shopping is when I am with Bettie and I tend to buy way too much, but then again, I’m worth it. My relationship with Bill is solid and growing every day. Apparently Barry is on his 4th or 5th girlfriend and all I feel is pity, for him and for her. Time now to get ready for work, I have an exam today and have been stressing over it but it will soon be over and I remember stressing over this in the past and everything worked out just fine, as I’m sure it will this time. Luv to all, Deb

[trulyshi]

I miss you soooooooo much. Thank you for the wonderful time, it was so hard to go back to work yesterday. Bill tasted the barbeque sauce and had such a blissful look on his face, lol. As I told you, one of the very positive things that came out of my addiction was meeting you. If I wasn’t a cg then we would have never met and I am so glad you are a part of my life. There will be many more trips and a lifetime of friendship. Luv ya Thelma. xxxxoooo Louise

[trulyshi]

My manager at work is in charge for the Run for the Cure against breast cancer so today is a jeans and pink t-shirt day for me. I was up most of the night baking pink shortbread cookies and rice crispie squares for the bake sale. Much more satisfaction in staying up all night for a good cause instead of feeding a greedy slot machine. A little over a week and I will be in Chicago. Bettie has informed me that she has bought tickets for us to a Broadway play. It will be my first one ever and I am so excited. Looks like we are in for some thunder storms today so I will be driving to work instead of walking. I am off to babysit Sarah after work, she is growing so fast and is ready to take her first steps anyday. I am so in love with that little girl that my heart overflows when I am with her. Being a grandma is the best experience ever! Take care all, and have a terrific weekend. Debbie

[trulyshi]

You are right Cat, coming up on the 24th is not only my birthday but the date that Barry ended our relationship. I’ll be back from Chicago on that day and will be celebrating with my family, friends and Bill. Barry said that day that someday I would thank him for dumping me and at the time I was so full of hatred and despair I told him that would never happen. I was wrong. He did what I could not do, I was too dependant and too afraid to do the right thing. I am now looking forward to the future and wake up each morning with a song in my heart. My gambling urges over the past year have not subsided completely, but they have become significantly less and I am far more capable of reasoning them out and conquering them. Barry was a HUGE gambling trigger for me and by running away from him and gambling I only punished myself. Imagine, I was basically supporting him, paying rent, buying groceries and supplying his benefits, yet I would run down to the casino to escape from his abuse. A lot of growth and change has taken place over the past year and I learned from that experience. I will never place myself in that kind of situation again. Taking care of ME is my priority and those who truly care for me. This will be a happy birthday this year and the anniversary date of my freedom and independence. Thanks for remembering, Cat. Debbie

[trulyshi]

Cat, I hope you will read this. I’m not sure whether you were able to go on your trip with Carole because of her foot injury, but Bettie and I would love to have you join us in Chicago the week of Oct. 13 if you are able to. Let us know, instead of Thelma and Louise we can be the three muskateers, lol.

[trulyshi]

P, so good to see you here and posting. Congratulations on your gamble free day

[trulyshi]

Trying hard to like this new site but it is so confusing. I know that change can be good but I just have to say that I miss the old format, it was so user friendly.

[trulyshi]

Bus tickets are purchased!  I will miss my Canadian Thanksgiving but will have tons of fun visiting with you.  Can’t wait, Deb

[trulyshi]

Bus tickets are purchased!  I will miss my Canadian Thanksgiving but will have tons of fun visiting with you.  Can’t wait, Deb

[trulyshi]

The only thing that matters is that you keep coming back.  You have been missed.  Debbie

[trulyshi]

Thanks for posting these Bettie.  Reading them again from time to time helps to keep things in perspective.

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