[TiredAndHopeless]

Sorry I missed y’all, I had to work late, but this coming tuesday I’ll be there, come heck or high water!!!

🙂

[TiredAndHopeless]

So between 21:00 and 22:00 Central European Time, right, or am I getting confused?

How can I participate, where do I go to join the meeting?

[TiredAndHopeless]

Hi Velvet,

Is there Areal time talk?

[TiredAndHopeless]

I knew you would like the word “floozy”, I like it, too. It sounds as bad as the person it describes, doesn’t it? It sounds cheap and mischievous, horrible to get it out of one’s mouth, even.

Well, I am glad I made you smile, your posts make me smile, as well, I will take any comfort I can, at the moment, my bank account is close to zero again, and it feels horrible. I have been worrying sick and I was shivering just a few minutes ago. I guess writing will help me cope. Tears help, too, but leave me drained emotionally.

There are other things that make my life pretty unbearable at the moment but I don’t trust myself to reveal it all here, I feel self conscious, in a way, I mean certain things I could tell via email, I guess, but on a public forum. I don’t know, maybe I am too cautious… It is indeed part of my personality.

Well, do not feel bad about your darker thoughts, I think many have them at times, it is just human. Funny, though, how we can be thankful to a “floozy” at a certain point in our lives… 🙂

I have got a lot of thing done today and even the laundry is done, I just need to iron after dinner. I feel good when I get stuff accomplished, no matter how trivial.

” I can imagine that you are driven to get things under more control when stressed by the uncontrollable.” That is very good insight into the world of OCD: what I cannot control, even worse if I cannot even predict it, will cause an amazing amount of stress with which I will try to cope by controlling what little I can control. How do you know so much about OCD? Most think it is just a fussy person being “anal” about cleanliness and order…

See, I truly have the wrong personality to be married to a CG, I mean such behavior will bother just about anybody and everybody, but in my case it causes a pathological
amount of stress.

Truth to be told, I had OCD before this happened, I need to be honest and not blame everything on my beloved CG. OCD started many years ago triggered by one of the most vicious men I have ever met in my whole life. The scar he left behind will be latent for periods of time but when stressful, “uncontrollable” situations arise, OCD will come to the surface, although I have learned to control it, somewhat.

I admire your Scotland Yard skills, although I have developed some of my own, I have to admit with a touch of shame and guilt.

Well, off to dinner, now, I will check in later, before ironing (see I am pretty lazy myself: I procrastinate the weekly ironing to Sunday evening!!!)

Have a nice dinner and speak soon,
Andi

[TiredAndHopeless]

Thanks for having read my posts in the other threads, as well, and if you keep reading them you will see that I am absolutely not perfect, I have my quirks, as well, it is just that my quirks don’t ruin people’s finances.

It is a bit reassuring to see that there are others like me out there, who feel powerless in front of a disease that controls the ones we love. I used to think, how can love not be able to win over this addiction? Is my love not enough? Are our children and their well being not enough? How is it possible??? Now, I know that it is just the way it is: Compulsive Gambling is like Heroin, it cannot be stopped.

I have never joined a group like this before, but after years of therapy, I decided to give it a shot.

Take care and thanks for chiming in, I really appreciate it, hopefully we will read more from each other,
Andi

[TiredAndHopeless]

Hi Jilly,

Now I am the one who has to answer right away because something really struck a chord: “If I had to treat someone that way I would think it was a mistake to have employed them!” That is exactly the way I feel! And I apply the same concept to marriage: if I cannot trust my partner with business decisions, I should not be business partners with him, and if I cannot trust my partner with my life, I should not be married to him. Period.

I am not the type who wants to, or can, check stories, and stuff, go through emails, etc. if I were to be cheated on I know for a fact that I would be the last one to know.

I know I should blame myself for being so naïve, and I do, I really do, constantly, but then again, I also don’t because that is not how love and marriage should be, if you know what I mean. I know that what I just said may sound confusing, but it makes perfect sense to me.

Well, I am glad I am not the only one who apparently married a saint, but you outclassed me by marrying the Lord and Savior himself!!! I can so totally relate, my therapist always pointed out how I would always end my ramblings with “well, I did marry a very decent human being, not a bad person, at all, very good parent, worker, etc. I mean, outside this one area, I am actually the difficult one, I am the one who likes to sit at a certain table in a restaurant, or will ask the waitress to clean the table if I see a little speck of dirt somewhere. I am the one who spends more than an hour in the bathroom between showering and stuff, I am the one who needs to clean the house and have it ‘just so’, etc…”

See, I have my “things”, cleanliness being one of these, but a) that is how I cope with stress, b) as annoying as my “things” might be, they don’t cost us thousands and thousands of dollars and they won’t land us on a street!!!

See, we discuss about all this almost daily, and I am reminded almost daily that I have my quirks, too, “therefore we are even”, but I beg to differ!!! One thing is an annoying habit and another is a horrible compulsion that gets people broke!

Plus, I do not lie about finding dirty glasses at a restaurant gross and asking for a new glass and drink, I don’t lie about spending 40 minutes cleaning the kitchen where someone else could probably get the job done in 15 minutes, of course not with the same level of hygiene. I don’t lie about flushing the toilet with my foot! See what I mean?

Well, I honestly think, and I am ashamed to admit it, that you were “lucky” to have been cheated on because, just like you, I don’t think I would ever have the strength and determination to leave, I know I wouldn’t, and therefore there is part of me that says, real softly in my other ear, if that could also happen to me, being cheated on, that is, adultery is indeed grounds for divorce even in the Book… I know, horrible thought…

Well, I have more but I need to get back to work, I have a lot to do, then I still have to do the laundry for the whole week, I need to iron, get everything ready for tomorrow, and, and, and…

Thanks for sharing and comforting me a bit, in a way,
Andi

[TiredAndHopeless]

Your post really hit close to home, I had the same things told to me by my CG, how can I be soooo dumb??? I must be one of those idiots who believe in love and honesty.

I am hurt and I feel very stupid.

I hope you keep enjoying your chuckles.

[TiredAndHopeless]

I have your answer to my post and I have now read this one here: I am happy for how you are doing better now, but I am also sad to have read more of your story: it sounds horrible what you have been thru, double betrayal… 🙁 Good job letting him go, and actually a pretty lucky hand there, i.e. his falling for this floozy.

Good job, Jilly! 🙂

[TiredAndHopeless]

HiJilly,

Thanks for the long and insightful message. I must say that I was amazed by how close to mine your feelings seem to be, I could have written many of the passages myself, to tell you the truth.

One of the parts that really hit home, well, aside from the obvious ones, like being a worrier and a fretter, and wanting to keep the children and the family together, and the believing/wanting to believe the lies, is the one about not wanting to control anyone’s moves and totally losing respect when little rules are circumvented the way they are by little children.

It is just not my personality, I just can’t and won’t control others, I don’t have the strength, the determination in me to do that. Even at work where I put on my work mask, I am just not the manager type, I am a rather successful doer and I can even lead and mentor at times, but I lack the controlling part to allow me to be a good manager, that is why I would not want that in my work.

It is a big problem because family and the few friends who know, do kind of blame me, I mean not directly, of course. I should be strong enough to completely take control and administer money, check receipts on a regular basis, keep tabs on everything. Sound easy enough? Who could not, would not want to do that? Well, I cannot, it is indeed a flaw in my character. I wonder if someone here has managed to successfully do that…

We have tried everything, basically, including different types of therapy, after a couple of times, I hear the same old phrases “It is stupid, it is boring, it is a waste of money, I can do it now, I got this now, you know, it is up to me, I just have to do it”…

Plus, somehow, I always seem to be the pain in the neck in the eyes of others, I am difficult, I am finicky, and guess what, I married an angel, a very nice, likable person, that everyone, and I mean everyone, likes. My own mother kind of blames me and wonders whether I am the cause of it all… Does anybody have a similar situation, meaning being married to that perfect man, or woman?

Sorry to hear about the violence part, Jilly, and I am sure it was hard for you to even mention it, but if it is any consolation I kind of had a little bit of that, too, nothing extreme, but still some.

Was your marriage long gone by the time you decided to file for divorce? Mine has been dead for years, and I mean dead, really dead, we have no contact we don’t even sleep in the same room, let alone the same bed.

Gosh, I have written a lot as usual… Well, how are you doing now, how are things between you and your ex? How are the grownupish children? It must have been hard on them…

Take care and thanks for sharing,
Andi

[TiredAndHopeless]

Hi Caroline,
There is always hope, but it is hard. I have been married to a CG for more than 20 years. We have to wonderful little boys aged 7 and 9 who hate to see us argue, and when we do they start crying real loud and beg us not to split.

Unfortunately we had to start over 3 times because of gambling bets. Declared bankruptcy once: it was very hard.

Unfortunately with gambling also comes compulsive lying… That hurts even more…

Hang in there…

[Author]

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