[Thomas1987]

Thank you for your insight…much appreciated.
No she has no idea that he gambles….she asked him but he said that he does the odd bet.
I mean, I put my now wife through this for 5 years and it was a tough period and her family were so good with me that I feel I have a responsibility to do something as they don’t deserve to go through this again.

I have a number of fears:
– I don’t want to hurt either of them.
– if the relationship ends , what effect will this have on both , more some my friend.
– the dynamics of friendships that both families share.

It’s jus known what to do or whether I do anything at all

[Thomas1987]

Well done JayKay, great achievement, just caught up on your posts…..im just over 14 months and it feels great, so we pretty much gave it up at same time of the year, I remember thinking this time last year, I wish i was a few years off it and I still do sometimes but if you keep yourself busy , the months/weeks/days/minutes/seconds will fly by….one day at a time….keep up the good work

[Thomas1987]

well done mate, ur doing very well.

Im sure its difficult for your wife to understand all this so make sure u talk to her .I don’t know if I mentioned this already, but i was a person who never opened up about my feelings and bottled it all up, that was not good for me despite at the time i thought it was better for everyone if i kept these things to myself.
I changed and im very open about my feelings, i dont tell lies anymore( not even white lies), honesty really is the best policy.
My girlfriend was struggling and i gave her the red handbook from GA. She gained a great understanding from reading this booklet and i would advise u to do the same.
Ur doing very well, at the minute my urges are slowly beginning to crawl back but i am stronger than previous times and I wont give in.
Cheltenham is starting in a few weeks and that will be my toughest test to date but my mentality is ” Just for today” 🙂

Take care
Thomas

[Thomas1987]

Apologies with the delay, I had a busy and gamble free weekend.

No Vera, I don’t live beside Dublin, I’m from the west 🙂 Fair play to you keep up the good work.

Hi Jessica, Thanks for your kind comments, yes i get great satisfaction helping others if I can. I’m under no illusion that I need to help myself first when it comes to this disease but its nice to speak with people like Cozzy….hope hes still doing OK.
For me, the next 3 weeks will be a massive test as the cheltenham festival will begin. Its the one week in the gambling calendar that loved so this will be a massive test but again , one day at a time. Ironically last year I gave up gambling for 8 months and I had the strength to get over this week so I know I can do it.

Hope everyone had a good and gamble free weekend

Frankie

[Thomas1987]

I am surely loud and proud 🙂

Likewise, had a bad period over the Xmas and on the last day on December I decided I had enough.

Thats it, u said it, just for today

[Thomas1987]

Thanks Vera for you kind comment.

Im at a very early stage myself but feel focus and great great satisfaction out of passing on advise that I received…nice to see lads like Cozzy making changes to his life and taking the 1st step to recovery.
How are you going these days if you don’t mind me asking?

[Thomas1987]

Good man Cozzy,

I’m delighted to hear that post, you have done really well. No need to thank me, Im just passing on the support and advice that got me up and running.
The GA meetings are excellent. For the first few I was unsure about them as I nearly felt more down coming out of them listening to other people stories. It took time for me to see what I was supposed to be gaining from it all.
As I said im 7 weeks off the gambling. Since then i have had no major urges but i can feel them ever so lightly coming back.
Just be prepared , the first few weeks are grand as you feel so relieved but be under no illusion that you will have hard days. I would recommend a couple of 1-1 counselling sessions and see how you find them, I’ve had 4 sessions in last 7 weeks and find them good and different to what i get out of the GA meetings.
Best motto iv found from the GA programme and think every gambler should live by it is “Just for today”….
Glad to hear things moving well, stay positive every day and keep posting 🙂

[Thomas1987]

Hi Cozzy,
Its no problem at all, im by no means an expert to pass on advice but the last 7 weeks have been a roller coaster, plenty of highs and lows.

The two things I struggled with whilst gambling was opening up to people in regards to my emotions and how im feeling. The second was the lies

I made a conscious decision that if I was going to do this i would need to be totally open and honest about everything. Tell my loved ones who support me, how I feel and not bottle it up. You don’t even need to tell them all the time, that why GA meetings are for and this website.
Maybe one thing that will help u see an improvement is totally strip down the way you live and change your habits and lifestyle.
7 weeks ago i done the followinh:
– Told all my family and friends
– Started with GA
– Started Counselling.
– Got rid of Sky Sports channels
– Watch/listen to less sports( Radio/TV/general chat with friends)
– Allow my G/F full access to my online bank accounts and statements.She is constantly looking which is good.
– I do more around the house, cleaning, cooking, light the fire, washing etc
– Look at keeping yourself busy, take up new hobbies, reignite old hobbies, I play Gaelic football, a bit of golf and soccer aswell.
-( Obvious one) Ban myself from every possible bookmakers online.

All these have worked for me so far, I have shown my girlfriend that Im willing to change.

Is life a bit more boring?? Yes
Do I feel like ive lifted a 100kg bag off my shoulders?? YES

you taken the first step and realized you are incapable of gambling and that will no longer be a part of your life….
KEep chatting on this and we can help each other

[Thomas1987]

Hi Cozzy,
I am very familiar with your situation, i am currently gamble free for over 7 weeks. In the past I have tried given up gambling but eventually i relapsed, i have researched what causes relapses and Secrecy about your problems from loved ones is a major factor…..secrets keep addiction alive.

So hearing this i made a decision to tell my girlfriend of 5 years( whom had no idea by the way) and my family and close friends, i now go to one GA meeting a week and a counselling session. You need to get to meetings as they will be your release to get everything off your chest.

Telling your family will be the toughest thing u will ever have to do but the support they will give u will be refreshing and give u a huge lift. I nearly lost my girlfriend because she didn’t understand how I could lie to her and keep this a secret, she felt that it showed I didn’t love her when in fact it was the complete opposite, i loved her so much i was afraid to tell her, she has done some research and believes what i said to be true.
Believe me when i say , one week of hell telling your family will be worth a lifetime of happiness.

Best of luck and any more advice let me know

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