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Well the good news is that you understand yourself well. You want to stop losing, not to stop gambling. You must truly want the latter to stop. You know gambling brings you nothing but misery, you know that you cannot win. You said you’d pick winning over not playing. Trust me, everyone of us on planet earth would choose winning if that option existed. The truth is, it’s all an illusion. The real options are 1) lose everything, keep hitting rock bottoms that are deeper and deeper each time that you lose the person you are and everything important to you in your life (keep gambling) or 2) start rebuilding your life and becoming a normal/happy person again (stop gambling). Make your decision today. Only you can do it.
Hey Steven,
Good to see that you’re really committed to quiting forever this time. I know the savings and winnings you lost will still haunt you for now but use those experiences as a motivator to never go back to that place again. Gambling is not a life worth living.
Having your debts cleared will help you mentally a lot because the pressure of loans and struggling to repay them is a massive trigger and cause of relapse for recovering gamblers. Having a house is still a big thing and just another reminder that rock bottom can go a lot deeper and harder to dig out of if you don’t stop now. I also have a mortgage over my house and during the peak of my addiction I even considering taking more out on it to fund my addiction (the application was declined thankfully).
Stay strong.
Hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately humans tend to only learn by the hard way. It’s easy to have been defeated by gambling and look back and wish you could turn back time. It’s very difficult for a naive teenager or 20s something individual to look at gambling and see it as a path of potential ruin.
Hey kin, glad you found inspiration in my quote earlier. Never forget your value to this world and don’t let gambling be the answer to any stresses you face in life. I had to learn this the hard way as well. The addiction is your self-destructive side wanting to make a negative situation in your life 10x worse. It’s the escape mentality, not wanting to face reality. You can do it kin. You know this addiction well and you know what triggers you.
Hey man, loneliness and despair can be a MASSIVE trigger! Particularly when you’ve been clean for a while and the addiction makes you think that you’re ok to play a lil bit for fun to get you out of that rut you’re in. That’s the trap!!! We can’t play sensibly, we get greedy and we can’t help but chase losses. We cannot play, EVER. I hope this relapse is the one that makes you realise this as you need to truly understand this point to be able to quit forever.
I don’t know what your philosophy on life is but don’t look back, what has happened was always going to happen. That’s what makes you you. Luck and chance plays a big part in our lives and everything is unpredictable. All you can do is do the best with the hand you’re dealt (pardon the gambling pun!). What you can do is make the most of what you still have. What you still have to offer to this world. I’m certain you can make a positive impact on not only yourself but those around you, but only if you don’t let gambling get in the way of that.
Hi Jenna,
I’m sure you don’t need me to say it but this will be the toughest battle of your life. Well done on opening up with your boyfriend and starting GA. These are great positive steps towards your recovery. As for the depression side of things please seek further medical assistance with that. Gambling and depression are often tied closely together.
But these steps alone are still NOT enough. Emotional support is great but you really need to start taking proactive steps for disallowing yourself from any future gambling. There are two things you must consider if you truly want to stop gambling:
1) Self-exclusion: this one goes without saying. Any casinos/bookies/slots venue or online casino you use? Close your accounts and self-exclude now.
2) Limiting access to funds and/or handing over your finances: cut up your cards and carry around limited cash. Put any savings away into a non-accessible place. Drastic times call for drastic measures. Now that you’ve told your partner about your problem, it would be immensely helpful if you handed over full control of your finances to him. Have your salary go into his account/a joint account. Ask him to monitor the account closely and only grant you access to funds you need for legitimate expenses. I’m certain he would be more than willing to assist you in this regard.
Take these steps and coupled with your GA and treatment for depression, you will be well on your way to recovery. You are still very young and have a long future ahead of you. You CAN be a daughter and gf to be proud of. You CAN become a great wife and mother one day. The addiction is the one telling you you can’t. The addiction wants you to play the victim card. Because when you do, it gives you an EXCUSE to keep gambling and in that way, the addiction wins. You must ultimately learn to control the addiction in the long term but at this stage prevention will be critical in the short term. Good luck and keep posting here !
Courage I believe in you. Stay away from gambling and I guarantee you your life will improve.
Hey Tash,
Good work on seeking help again. Use this relapse as a huge lesson to never ever gamble “for fun” again. Don’t worry, almost every recovering gambler has fallen for this trap before. The most important thing is that you’ve learned from it and will avoid the situation in the future.
Sometimes we need a bit of extra help on top of our own self-control and emotional support/counselling. This is where self-exclusion kicks in. Any avenues of gambling you’ve used or have access to? Ban yourself now. If you don’t the chances of further relapses are very high. No matter how good your self-control there will get to a point at some stage (whether thats 1 week, 1 month or 1 year into your recovery) where one moment of weakness/lapse in judgment, usually caused by a strong trigger, will get you back in the loop. We all know that once you get back into that destructive cycle how much damage it can do and how hard it is to get back out. Put measures in place now to save yourself in the future.
Hey man, great to hear you’re still clean and feeling better over time. I know those feelings of guilt/regret will still be raw right now but they will fade over time. Rather use those feelings as a reminder why you should never gamble again!
Your mindset also seems solid. Just remember your last relapse and how easy it is to convince ourselves we’re better or that we can “just have a bit of fun”. For people like us it’s all or nothing there’s no such thing as “for fun”. We just need to accept we cannot gamble, EVER.
Now Charles gives good advice. Proactive action is key to your recovery. There have been many times I’ve had a gambling thought pop up and I resisted it, even many times, but eventually gave in due to leaving those gambling doors open. My strategy now is that if I ever get ANY urge to do a form of gambling, and I know a way to access that form of gambling, I will proactively self-exclude from that casino/website. It’s a great feeling taking some time now to insure your future. It helps with my recovery and makes my mind at ease. I’ve done this with over 30 websites already (create account –> self-exclude for max duration). Although I’m confident in my self-control, I’m not taking any chances. I’m literally self-excluded from 99% of all forms of online/offline gambling available in my city but if I ever get an urge to try something else that I normally don’t do (eg. Horse racing, lottery, slots, share trading) I’ll take active steps to ban myself first. If I go to a new city for a trip/holiday I’ll try to stay away from any casinos. If I ever get urges I’ll just proactively self-exclude. Despite never having any urges for certain forms of gambling in the past, who knows what the future will hold and we all know the addiction will do whatever it can to get us back in the game.