[theone12221]

Hi there, self-exclude and stop this madness before you lose it all.

That’s it. But you have to do it.

Good luck.

[theone12221]

Thanks for the list kin. I can safely say that at least 75% of those factors have caused/contributed to a relapse for me one way or another. Thankfully I do not engage in substance/alcohol abuse as I know this is a highly volatile combination.

I’m finally fully self-excluded now. The “good” thing with my recent relapse(s) was that it was well “controlled” compared to my previous ones. It did not do any substantial financial damage and I felt in control most of the time (eg. Setting limits, walking away, resisting the urge to chase). But on the other hand I was on the brink of falling back to my dangerous “compulsive gambler mode”. I could feel it. In other words I cannot afford another relapse, it is just too dangerous.

Now that I’ve finally fully self-excluded from online sportsbetting as well (my addiction somehow convinced me to make a small “final” wager on the Wimbledon and Euro Cup finals), I’m now more determined than ever to kick this habit for good.

I’m gonna do my best to make it to 2017 gamble free.

[theone12221]

Hey Ray,

Times are tough but just try to hang in there. This addiction will be the hardest thing you will ever have to overcome in your life.

I think you definitely need some additional measures in place to prevent a 3rd relapse.

Those casinos/online casinos you still have access to. Why have you not self-excluded from them?! The addiction will try to convince you in many ways you don’t need to do it but if you are serious about overcoming this soul-destroying affliction, you need to take proactive action now! If you leave any avenues open you only leave yourself to blame for any future relapses!

On top of this, seek additional emotional support. It may be wise to confide to your parents or partner at this time. Like you said the addiction has your physically and mentally on the brink and you’ll need all the support you can get. You may also want to look into professional help or attending GA. Having someone take over your finances in the mean time will also help a lot. Please take some extra steps to put a stop to these nightmare episodes that will only keep repeating themselves over and over if you don’t take action now.

Remember…it’s all about perspective. There’s people in lots of debt with much less support and financial stability than you (eg. You have a good job). Think about all the good thinga you still have. Health, family, career, youth and relationships. Don’t take these for granted as the addiction can very quickly take all of these away from you. True rock bottom awaits if you continue on this path…start turning around your life today by stopping gambling forever.

[theone12221]

I’ve been betting small amounts over the last few days. My “logic” for this is that I still have a pending bet (quite a small bet of only $20) on the Italy & Germany game tonight. I know this is still not good regardless of whether I’m winning or not but I have withdrawn my full balance (bar the pending bets of course) and will not make any further bets ever again on this site.

Once my last bet is finalized and I have withdrawn all of my funds…my plan is to self-exclude this account as well as 2 other sites I have not used in the past but recently discovered.

This stint has taught me that:

1) Despite never really dabbling in much sports betting in the past (I preferred more inmediate result games like casino games), it indeed can be quite addictive and things can escalate extremely quickly still;

2) I cannot beat the bookies regardless of how much I analyse the games or follow “expert” tipsters – I recognize that it’s a losing game even if I keep 100% control. Its easy for the brain to think we can beat the house after a good pick but in the end the house always wins in the long term (unless you have insider information or are a genius/have lottery level luck). Yes I ended up barely positive but if luck had been even a tad worse, I’d be staring at a sizable loss;

3) Because of 1 & 2 I will now be proactive against this form of gambling too (I’m already fully self-excluded from all land/online casinos…now I will do so proactively with any remaining online sports bookies I know/will come to know in the future);

4) The only forms of gambling still available to me are sports betting at physical bookies and pokies machines venues…neither I have either touched/had an interest in in the past…and I doubt I ever will. But if I even get an inkling I will self-exclude from those too;

5) Re-install betfilter: despite being almost 100% self-excluded online the added protection can prevent potential relapses to new online betting sites (new ones always pop up) and the gambling advertisement blocks also really help to avoid temptations/finding out about new ones.

6) Most importantly gambling brang temporary excitement/an escape but ultimately overwhelmingly negative feelings: stress, anxiety, loss of focus on other more important matters/daily tasks. It felt bad gambling and in the end I wasted time and energy into something that does absolutelt nothing to improve my life, but has the potential to ruin it. This is something I have realised for a while but now I truly have perspective over.

So to sum up…this is IT…I’m done. I’ve experimented and dabbled in many (TOO many) forms of gambling over the last 18 months and enough is enough. I’ve had enough of gambling. I’ll label 4 July as my Independence Day from gambling (since I still have a bet going through today). This will be my final day 1 and I look forward to moving on with my life. Its time for me to walk the walk and follow the advice I give others…that is, to never touch gambling ever again. I KNOW it can be done and I’m determined that nothing can stop me (yes, looking at you brain) this time. This diary WILL live up to its title, but only I can make that happen.

[theone12221]

Hey Bill,

You’ll find that your story is a very common one on these forums. Many 20-30 year old gamblers didn’t get introduced to serious online gambling until only in the last couple of years when the market has just exploded.

A gambling addict is not one that gambles a lot but rather someone who cannot control themselves when they gamble. A person who cannot gamble in moderation, within limits or just for entertainment. A compulsive chaser of losses and always wanting just that “one” more bet.

I think you’re well aware now that you are indeed an addict (you became one after that 2k loss on roulette). You must accept that you will not recoup your losses through gambling…and if you continue you will only dig your hole deeper. In the back of your mind your addiction is telling you to “just give it one last shot” to win it all back, to immediately dissolve all your financial and mental stress. When you try to fight back with rationality it will bargain with you: “Bill, let’s just win a little bit and we will call it a day.” I am sure you know where this ends up if you listen to it. This is a trap for you to reach an even lower rock bottom. Whatever you do do not get into any more debt!!! Cut up or close that credit card. Self-exclude and download gambling blocking software (eg. Betfilter). Attend GA or confide to loved ones. You must stop gambling otherwise you will keep falling deeper and deeper into the hole and at some stage it will be too deep to crawl out from. Right now you can cut your losses and count your experience as a life lesson to never ever place another bet again, even for fun. It will not be easy…it will be a long road…but you can overcome this addiction. Keep posting and the people on this forum will support you on your journey, no matter how smooth or rough. Good luck.

[theone12221]

I’m glad to hear that. The fact you cannot see yourself betting high stakes again shows you are making good progress. Just be very careful as one moment of weakness can send us over the edge…the escalation from low to high stakes can occur so quickly. Never relive that nightmare again!!!

[theone12221]

Quitting 100% is extraordinarily difficult. I do wish you the best. One thing you must do though is to self-exclude. If you do not take this step then your mind is simply not ready to give up on gambling yet.

[theone12221]

Yeah I’ll definitely keep it real on here. Today I was quite tempted to gamble…however managed to not give in to those temptations.

That’s a good idea thanks. I’ve been trying to keep myself pre-occupied. Trying to make sure I don’t have too much free time to get bored.

Anyway day 1 again and I’ll try to take it one day at a time.

[theone12221]

Really feel regret having to post this here but I’m commited to being 100% honest on this diary.

I have managed to gamble again on a new sportsbetting site I found. At this stage I have a $900 pending withdrawal which if I don’t do anything further stupid with will have me at a $50 net loss. Let’s just say if I had not got very lucky with a “final” chase bet I’d be down $1,000. Had I continued chasing if I’d lost that? My brain said no but in the heat of the moment? I really don’t know (I certainly entertained the possibility of doing a 1.5k “final final” chase bet despite my brain screaming “hell no”)…I’m very disappointed and honestly scared at how I was so quickly pulled back into the “chase”…from $10 down to $500 happened so quick…I thought it was “impossible” to lose backing 4 short odd favorites in a row but that was simply the addiction tricking me yet again. I was never really a sports gambler but I guess my brain just likes all forms of gambling (except slot machines/pokies). I must be more diligent.

Anyway once the funds are out I will self-exclude the account and self-exclude from another 2 sites which were from the same source as I found this one.

I always thought casino games were my weakness but it seems sportsbetting has started to take over now that I have no access to online or offline casinos. It’s time to take this seriously and ban myself from all possible avenues in this regard as well. Also will be reinstalling Betfilter as a double back-up.

Will update this in a few days, hopefully after taking rational actions…

Work has actually been great recently and my personal life has been fine…just need to kick this habit once and for all.

[theone12221]

It is progress to be able to walk away with a win. But at the same time it is still a relapse.

I have experienced it before also. I’m not sure about how you were previous to becoming a CG but a lot of gamblers including myself are actually quite tight with money in real life (I’ve always been a very good saver and I assume you are quite financially astute as well). Yet at the peak of our CG addiction we become desensitized to the bursts of dopamine that a win produces. We need bigger doses which come in the form of larger wins or more consecutive wins.

There were times where I’d win 1-2k and not even blink.

However once I stopped gambling regularly…over time my brain “reset” itself towards normality and even when I did have minor relapses, even a couple of hundred (win or lose) became significant to me again. The thought of going back to very high stakes scared the hell out of me…whereas I didn’t even blink an eye putting 1k on a hand of blackjack this time last year.

In other words I think it’s important that we regain our sense for the value of money again. It’s tough after making very high stakes and high risk bets over a prolonged time. It will take at least 3-6 months of heavily reduced/no gambling to reset our brains so we are not desensitized to “small” wins and losses and we start to value money again (perspective).

[theone12221]

Yeah that’s terrible. I think the youngsters today are very vulnerable to gambling. Never before has online gambling been so easy and accessible. There’s even a lot of online games now that allow people to gamble with virtual items which have real money value (essentially real money gambling) and kids as young as 15-16 are losing thousands on these (often on their parents credit card). It really is getting out of control…

[theone12221]

Yeah for me boredom/general dissatisfaction with my career progression and issues with my gf/family made me cross the line into dangerous gambling territory. Stressful events or traumatic events can definitely also be huge triggers. So sorry to hear about your brother Steven…I cannot imagine losing a sibling at such a young age. I’m glad you’ve overcome your alcohol/drug habits and are on the way to recovery from gambling. For me I’ve never dabbled in those although I have had unhealthy addictions to other activities before.

[theone12221]

Thanks Steven. Yeah you’re right…when I was gymming seriously 2-4 years ago I set myself targets which kept me motivated. I really should do that again now that I’m not in as good shape as I was a year or two back. I think it will definitely be a great way to reduce boredom (I hate the feeling of a day wasted doing nothing productive).

I am definitely a lot more rational and proactive than I was even a few months ago (when I made it to 6 months clean). It takes time definitely but we do eventually get more and more control over ourselves (but never fully in control…which is why blockers will always remain in place). I’m still nowhere near out of the woods yet but I am feeling more confident every day in my ability to control my actions and resist those urges that creep up on us.

[theone12221]

Hé ember, csak benézek hozzád. Hogy voltál mostanában? Remélem még tisztában vagy a szerencsejátékokkal.

[theone12221]

Hej stary, tylko cię sprawdzam. Jak się ostatnio miewasz? Mam nadzieję, że nadal jesteś wolny od hazardu.

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