Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Nice almost at the 3 month mark you’re doing great. Just remember to never let your guard down or think you’re cured to have a “small flutter”. Many of us stayed clean for long periods (6 months, 1 year even 2 years or more) all for it come undone with one slip up. Keep up the good work but always be vigilant! Think about how much better your feel now and think about how low you felt previously. Never give yourself the chance to go back to that place. Onwards and upwards.
The first step is to stop playing the victim card.
The second step is to stop gambling.
You know what makes you gamble. You know what you can do to block yourself from doing it. The question is WILL you take action or just keep playing the victim card and continue gambling? The truth is every time you gamble it’s you choosing to do so. You are choosing to further destroy your life and affecting the lives of those close to you. Have you got the guts to choose not to keep going down this path? You need to understand this and don’t use the excuse that gambling is something you cannot control. Take action today. Self-exclude, hand over your finances to your family.
Good luck.
Hi Adam, it’s a good lesson to learn. We can simply never gamble in any form whatsoever, even if its for a dollar or just “on behalf of someone else” – one thing leads to another and with a minor streak of bad luck…things can quickly escalate out of control. Im just over a week clean now let’s make it a year together.
Hey man, everything you posted I can relate to. You are absolutely correct that it is grief. You need to grief the loss…but not only of the money but the person you were prior to becoming a CG. And as with grief, only time and seeing the positive benefits of not gambling (perhaps use it as a chance to start something new in your life…whether it be a hobby, gym, a new business idea etc) will help to ease the mental torment.
The thoughts and replaying of those nightmarish sessions will plague your mind in the initial weeks…however over time they will became less frequent and less as if you’re reliving it over and over, but rather just a memory of what you must avoid going back to moving forwards in your life.
Hey man, I just want to remind you that true rock bottom involves losing everyone you love as well. It’s not too late to stop and rebuild your life you are still very young. But you must stop gambling now. Self-exclude and hand over your finances to someone you can trust. Good luck.
Just reread your latest post and I’ll answer your final question. No technically you don’t have to end on a loss to truly stop forever. Most ppl do though. I was actually down 40k+ not once, or twice but three times (not including countless smaller “chases”)… I promised I’d never do it again over and over yet I did it every time. But I finally stopped (I was actually up 5k at once stage, lost about 3-4k and then stopped for 6 months). In my recent relapse I “only” lost about $250-300 in total. My final binge resulted in a slight net win of about $75. Whilst I have only stopped for a week I have decided enough is enough. Every time I play I put myself at risk of losing it all again.
But I have to say I was lucky…very lucky, to “only” be down about 5-7k overall from all my gambling. Realistically I should be about 50k in the red given how absolutely irrational I was at the peak of my addiction. I basically rolled 3 doubles in a row to get out of jail in Monopoly terms. I do fear that it may happen again in the future (it’s inside me just like it is in you)…so I will do whatever it takes to stop forever.
We simply can never gamble ever, in any situation or on any form of gambling. The compulsion to chase losses is just too strong and uncontrollable. Good work on handing over your finances and the self-exclusion. You say there are too many to self-exclude from…I literally spent many hours (more than 10) actively creating accounts on every single online gambling site I could find and self-excluding proactively. This is the length we need to go to stop ourselves. Sure new sites will always pop up but it would take me literally hours to find a new one that I could actually trust (I dont play on small websites with no pre-existing good reputation). This is enough to stop me from gambling. I have accepted that I cannot control it, I’ve let go of my ego/pride and simply empowered myself to take control and take action…no action is too drastic in terms of preventing a relapase. You gotta do whatever it takes to defeat this addiction.
So please consider full self-exclusion and gambling blocking software. Tie up your long term investments while you still have a clear head.
Hey man, I totally get it. For me that first “successful chase back” of 3.6k was also the most dangerous. It conditioned my brain to think that I can simply use my additional savings to win back any loss incurred. By the time I’d won back a 5k loss 3 times in a row…I became desensitized to the whole process. The amounts escalated to 10k, 15k, 20k, 43k…
Your brain knows that there is a chance you can win it all back. It knows it may be a smallish chance (although previous wins will skew this in our minds to become a much more likelier event), but the main problem is even if we do win it back, there’s a high chance of just losing it straight back or a bit later on, making you feel even worse (especially if you’re an “if only” type of thinker). So let’s say the initial house edge may have been 55-45 but against a CG it’s more like 95:5. You will be defeated in the long run.
You need to block yourself now otherwise I guarantee you you will chase it at some point.
Hi John I have to echo charles’ sentiments. Monetary loss is only a small part of the overall damage caused by gambling. No amount lost is impossible to recover from unless you literally committed a crime that will have you in jail for many years.
I get the sense that you are not confident that you can recover from your financial losses. The key is patience. Stay GF for a year and review and reflect. Besides saving money use this opportunity to rebuild and develop all other aspects of your life. When you look back and go, wow, not gambling has really improved my quality of life, helped you develop X amount of skills/knowledge…then you can truly realize that you are recovering. The financial aspects will naturally look after themselves.
Your post really resonated with me as I can see a lot of myself in you. I too work in the financial industry and am generally considered an intelligent and sensible individual with good money management skills. But we all know that gambling completely overrides who we are normally.
I could empathize with all of the emotions of your post, your thought patterns etc. You knew even from your 1k loss and when you were winning that it was just a matter of time. Yet we kid ourselves and just keep on playing. Wanting to win just that little bit more or “play up/down to a round figure”…I totally get it, it’s completely irrational but it’s just how the addiction will do anything to trick us into playing more. You were still up a few thousand after that last website but you got greedy and wanted to win back your winnings. Now you’d do anything to even just be a few thousand down or even. Perspective, perspective, perspective. Addiction blinds us from perspective.
Now with the latest binge there should be no doubt left in your mind that you can never ever touch gambling again, even as “entertainment”. If it helps know that it was only a matter of time. The bomb was always ticking. Even if you did withdraw your 6k winnings at some point the triggers will come back and you’ll most definitely gamble, especially as the addiction will remember those good times and wind you had in the past. It could have been in a few months or a year or 2 but the day of losing it all was inevitable. Your luck will run out at some stage and once the losing streak comes, martingale and escalating your bets to chase losses will see your balance hit $0.
Now grieve the loss, it will take you a long time to accept it but take it slow. A more urgent matter is to take action NOW. Self-exclude from all offline/online casinos you use and close those accounts. Install betfilter/gamblock on all of your electronic devices – anti-betting software helped me go 6 months clean immediately after the peak of my addiction. Call your bank to reduce your card limits.
It would also be wise to seek emotional support during this time. Posting on this forum is a great start but consider disclosing to someone close to you and definitely try going to GA. There’s nothing to be ashamed of many highly intelligent people get trapped in this addiction. It’s not about intelligence but rather your mindset as well as working out what underlying dissatisfaction in your life are you trying to escape from or “fix” with gambling?
Now most importantly…tie up your long term financial investments and DO NOT take out any debt to further fund your spiral into rock bottom!!! I know you have probably already bargained with yourself regarding this…be very careful. Your addiction will tell you 100 different things why you should access those funds or take out loans/credit cards..but you know deep down you’re addiction is not ready to give in without a fight. There’s a part of you that wants to win it all back and take your revenge. You must not fall into your trap. True rock bottom is a lot deeper than where you are now.
Right now the urge to gamble will virtually be unstoppable and every salary you get will go straight into the casino’s pockets if you do not have blocks in place. If you really cannot control yourself consider handing over your finances to someone else or even just cutting up the cards you use to deposit online.
Good luck and most importantly, be patient. Impatience and a need for immediate rewards got you here however such a mind frame will not get you out of this mess. Only discipline, self-control, hard work, patience and a true desire to stop gambling can. Good luck.
There must be something beneath the surface that’s causing you to gamble in excess and commit such fraud…what is the area of dissatisfaction in your life that you are trying to escape from or remedy with gambling? Once you work this out, only then can you begin your journey of recovery and redemption.