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Pammm I can empathize with your situation. It’s a really tough one, especially as it involves kids. All I can say it, ultimately, you know deep inside yourself what actions you should take to better the lives of yourself and your kids. Of course you also want the best for your husband but he really needs to step up for that to happen. The relationship is so one sided right now in that you’re the only person trying hard to make things work and he’s just being a little boy who is still in denial about his gambling and defends/retaliates when you expose his lies and problems. I know there are many logical and emotional things that stop your from making a decision. But you need to set a limit. How much more of this can you take? Can you really see any positive change happening in the near future? Because if not, things will only get worse and the situation will only get harder and harder to get out of. Like some other users have mentioned try attending a meetinf and speaking with other people who have gone through something similar to you. Try speaking with some relatives. I’m sure you will find clarity as to what you should do.
You’re going good Steven. The temptations will always be there, we just need to be able to control it/resist it. I don’t know why the pull of gambling is so strong perhaps it’s because there’s no other activity that’s quite like it.
Hi prime it’s good to see you sticking to your honesty policy with your partner. Whilst I also told my gf most of the time I gambled I did not always reveal the full extent of my relapses to her. I regret not having done this as it can definitely bite you in the back later on. Good work on the self-exclusion. You’ve done all the groundwork to start your recovery, now it’s time for you to win the mental battle.
Now is the time you’ll need to live up to your name. Quitting gambling requires a massive amount of courage. Accepting your past and using that as motivation to change your future will be the most difficult thing you will ever do in your life. Let it all sink in first…but now is the time to turn it all around.
Yeah no point regretting your past actions, replaying those moments you lost it all. Even if you had made the “right decision” or got lucky then, it was only a matter of time until the bubble bursted and all those winnings were given back. Like you said, winning is simply delaying the inevitable. No gambler ever stops when they’re winning and we know what happens to a gambler that doesn’t stop…
Hey ray even after 6 months off my recent relapse was playing a bit of blackjack “for fun”. Nope we cannot play for fun, ever. It’s something we must accept, even if it hurts our pride, ego or limits our social interactions. The main thing is to learn from it and don’t get complacent over time. Even if you make it a year clean you cannot to back, even for one moment.
Hey Ray,
I know it’s tough right now mentally but it’s good to see that you’ve taken some active steps to take up other hobbies and self-improving activities. The memories and reliving of those nightmarish moments will be common at this stage but the longer you stay away from gambling and engage in other healthier activities, the less common they will be become.
I’m doing alright Ray. I did also have a gambling dream a few nights though (a bad one too, I had lost big time and was stressing out big time – woke up in a panic and felt a huge relief it wasn’t real). It was a strange one too as I’d not really have gambling related dreams even at the peak of my addiction before. Luckily the dream did not translate into actual urges
Could really relate when you said that wanting to stop and actually stopping are vastly different and it takes a lot of willpower and discipline to transition from the first stage to the second (actually stopping). It can be a long and bumpy road but every one of us on here will need to make that transition in order to truly recover and be gamble-free for life. I think filling your gambling thoughts with other desires/hobbies is a great way to prevent triggers from occurring. Keep up the good work!
Welcome to these forums. That’s a difficult situation to be in. I applaud you for your efforts in maintaining your finances/the family structure during this difficult time. I think you need to lay down an ultimatum. You’ve done everything in your power to help your husband overcome this addiction and you’ve shown a level of support and commitment that many other spouses may not have been able to give. It’s time for your partner to man up and actually commit to stopping forever. If he trult loves you and cares for your family he should know that this gamble (your marriage and the kids) is one he is NOT willing to take. If he really cannot get past his demons then you ultimately need to protect your own interests as well as those of your kids, which means making that tough decision.
Hey Ray how you been the last few days?
Hey that’s really good that you feel like this. It took me quite a while to realize that it wasn’t just the money that got me but rather that horrible feeling aftee the loss.
I’m from Melbourne, was actually in Sydney just a month ago! Enjoy your trip and stay safe.
Aussie here! Enjoy the trip down under. Hope it’s a gambling-free one. Yes those thoughts and feelings will surround you daily in the initial weeks and even months. But you’ll notice it getting less and less over time. You just need to accept your losses and move on. There’s nothing you can do about the past but you can turn it around.