[TFRSFOS]

I wish this would have been put in place a lot sooner, it would have certainly helped a lot of people including me in a massive way.

[TFRSFOS]

Thanks for the supportive words K.

Today feels different for me in someway, i have never felt this sick and tired of being a gambling addict as i do right now. The other times as much i was in turmoil at the amounts of money i had lost, it was more anger at the fact id lost, but still deep inside knowing that i thought i could win it back, did i think i wanted to quit? Ye absolutely, but deep down im not sure i truly did.

I can honestly say i dont want this life anymore, it is pathetic and soul destroying. Your happyness, mental health and finances resting on the turn of a randomly shuffled card where the house has an advantage and always wins in the end. It makes no sense, because its just that, senseless to the core.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired. I cant let this control my life anymore. I was on holiday a few days ago, having a great time, but even then the urge to play hands of blackjack crept in and one night after a few drinks this turned into a big loss and ruined the rest of the holiday for me and those around me. But forgetting the money, its the fact that despite being on holiday and having a great time my brain still felt the need for that rush, thats what upsets me the most now. Gambling has been number 1 priority in my life the past 6 months in every singleway and i want this to be the end.

I will no longer be in control of my cards, and have excluded myself from every single casino i know online. I have even took the measure to sign up and instantly exclude from ones ive never even used.

I want my life back

T

[TFRSFOS]

Hi guys

Been a few weeks since i last posted and thought id update and remind myself of why i signed up here in the first place.

I have continued to gamble recently, a week ago i happened to get lucky or unlucky as it turned out to be and ‘won’ a large chunk of my gambling losses back from a relatively small deposit. I was on cloud nine, all my money problems gone for now, fell back in love with gambling, my luck had finally changed. This all seems so easy again.

I convinced myself time and time again that if i had that one win to just get me out of trouble i would run away happy and stop for good. I genuinely believed this would be the case of course it didnt go like that. All that happened was my greed and compulsion to gamble got stronger and stronger again as the balance stacked up, the stakes raised, before the eventual bad streak of losses and crash back down to earth with not a penny left

This is a serious brain disorder that doesnt just let go, it tricks you in everyway possible to keep you gambling and however much you convince yourself youre in control the reality is you arent and never will be for as long as you continue to gamble and feed it.

I would do anything to get my life back to how it was before this addiction caught hold of me, and its only me who can do that. This addiction isnt about the money and its took me a long time to realise that, we depend on the feeling and buzz that gambling gives to function and make us happy for that short period of time, but forget the mental pain, financial problems and anguish it creates long term.

Its a lose lose situation, when i win i lose, when i lose i lose even harder

Im still fighting this and want to beat it. I dont want to keep feeling this way, keep finding myself in the same old patterns and mistakes. The feelings of regret, guilt, anger relying on that rush of winning or even losing to get by day to day. It is no life

[TFRSFOS]

Hi all.

Thanks for the messages of support.

Unfortunately fell off the wagon again today, had £100 that was meant for getting me by day to day the next week or 2. I put it on a horse racing treble, 2 won the other was beaten close to the line. It would have returned nearly 3k. Cruel, but i almost see it as a punishment for gambling again.

I know that gambling is not the answer to get me out of a mess that gambling has got me into, and i know it will only further worsen the problems i have yet i still do it.

I feel like im so far in a hole, that i have no choice, im just being honest and upfront. I suppose the inability to let go of my losses is the cause of this as im still chasing with any kind of money i get.

I feel pathetic and lost.

[TFRSFOS]

Hi guys.

Really struggling today, the magnitude of the mistakes ive made gets more real each day. The realisation that i have ruined my life for the foreseeable future in the space of a few weeks of gambling is devastating to say the least

Mixture of emotions, anger, sadness, resentment

Bills and loan repayments will take up 80% + of my monthly wage from now on. It never had to be this way.

The urges to gamble are still very much there, although i have now completly exhausted all methods of financing this.

There is no easy way out of this mess i have gotten myself into, but i hope with time things get easier than they are right now. Its hard to look forward with any kind of positive mindset atm

T

[TFRSFOS]

Thanks again vera. Yes the cycle that this horrible addiction puts you in is heartbreaking to say the least.

The phrase “we can never win, because we can never stop” hits the nail on the head, and ive realised this more than ever the past few weeks. Have i had chances to walk away with minimal losses and most my money back? Yep a few times, did i? Absolutely not, despite convincing myself i would if i got to that point, it just continued and continued until everything and i mean everything and more was gone again. Crazy.

I want this to be the end of this so badly, it has already taken so much joy of life away from me. I should be in a reasonably good financial posistion now, not the complete mess im currently in.

Im going to start posting daily, updating my progress. I do not want to gamble anymore, i will not gamble. I will not let this take anymore from me than what it already has. The losses are gone, they are not going to come back from gambling more.

Day 1 i will not gamble today

[TFRSFOS]

Hi j26.

It helps a lot knowing that others are going through the same kind of thing and youre not alone in this.

I just read your topic and i can relate. Im sorry to hear you have lost your savings. Online gambling casino games in particular are brutally unforgiving and like you said, before you know anything about it you are thousands of pounds down and in shock and disbelief at what youve done. I would never have done this in real life casinos.

It sounds like this is your first big loss, and my only advice to you would be do not even consider the thought of trying to win any of it back gambling. I had chance after chance to stop the rut, but that niggling feeling of “if i just deposit another £1000 i know i can get it all back” has screwed me over time and time again and i find myself in a far bigger hole than i needed to be because of it.

You sound like you have the right positive mindset and have set yourself a plan. I will keep posting definitely. Good luck

[TFRSFOS]

Hi geordie thanks for the detailed reply. I appreciate it.

Unfortunately since my last post things got even worse unbelievably, ive reached an even lower rock bottom. I went 8 days without gambling.

But that all came crashing down again, i took out another loan which stupid interest rates because my credit score is so poor now. And ye you guessed it i lost everything within the space of 24hours, another £3000. Also most of last months wages.

Its hard to comprehend how powerful this addiction is, and for people who dont suffer from it to understand how someone can be so selfish and heartless to themselves and those around them.

I desperately dont want to give into this and let it ruin my life but i cant kid myself, thats how it feels right now. The losses are so great now for me personally that its hard to even comprehend.

I am looking into GA meetings, and have spoke to my mum about it. She was understandably angry and upset. She cant help me financially but is doing all she can to help me get through this and for that im grateful.

I try again from today

[TFRSFOS]

Thanks for the detailed reply vera.

It really hit home.

I am finding the losses so hard to accept, the constant thoughts of why didnt i just walk away at ‘such and such’ amount down. Now ive lost everything i had and put myself in even more debt and fininancial struggle. All for what? This addiction, this drug.

Right now it seems impossible to move forward, this is effecting everything in my life, mental and physical health, my job, my relationships with friends and family, my hobbies. Its taking everything. Thoughts of doing something stupid are constantly in my head but i know it isnt an option.

[TFRSFOS]

So despite everything inside telling me no, and feeling physically sick whilst doing it, i just gambled my last £1000 away. Still had that ridicolous sense of false hope we all get when despositing, ‘maybe this is the time i win my recent losses back and walk away happy’

It lasted all of 15 minutes. I broke down as my balance read zero once again knowing the magnitude of what i have again done.

I wont let this addiction ruin my life although right this moment it feels that way. And its going to take a lot of strength to get through it.

I have just self excluded myself from every account i have.

I have lost 10 grand in the past few months, and thinking what i could have done with the money makes me sick to my stomach and eternally ashamed especially considering my job is low income and day to day life is a struggle.

The losses hurt so bad, but i am trying to tell myself that me making the decision to stop here and now, will save me a lot more money in the future. There is no doubt the £1000s would keep adding up if i dont.

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