[stephenm]

Hi. I’m in a bad way because of gambling. I lost my last 230 on Friday. I have no money even for milk. I sold my sons ps4 and gambled it,borrowed from work and gambled it, my father gave me money and gambled it,spend all my wages,bills unpaid and my car needs repair. I owe credit cards,behind on my mortgage payments etc. I will never get the money back that i have spent over the years. Your not on your own. We have a choice – get busy living or get busy dying…Somebody send that to me today on my phone….. Just think how important you are to your family. Dont give up…..Keep trying to stop….Im really in a bad way but i have start some where…….

[stephenm]

I can go for walks etc. Thats all I can do at the moment. I dont have any money for anything else.I understand that my time needs to be filled. I fully understand where you are coming from.I do need to take my mind of thinking about gambling. I cant stop thinking of how im going to get in and out of work with no money. How i can buy food until the 25 of this month.To be honest i  cant stop thinking about what ive done. I really do need to stop. Needing to stop and wanting to stop or two different things.This time i want to stop.I will try 100 per cent. My debts will always be there until im able to work on them. The first thing i need to do is to stop gambling. You are right I know i cant carry money. Its something i need to work at or with someone.My partner wont. Before my mother passed away she tryed to help me with this but i got aggressive in my behaviour – it was wrong. In the middle of addiction and couldnt think.My mother had cancer. she was fighting her own battle but still had time for me. What human being would do that…I did…it hurts. Maybe this is the wake up call what has happened to me this week or im very burnt out with gambling…..just to let you know i get a self exclusion form filled out a year ago in paddy power and they stilll let gamble in there shops for the year. On friday night when i lost my lost  230 euro a girl in paddy power told me she couldnt serve me. I asked why of course and she said i had filled out a self exclusion form. I said i filled the form out a year ago and why have paddy power  let me gamble in here for the past two weeks and in a different shop for nearly one year since i filled out the form. She told me to contact there head office. so I did  today. I spoke to regional branch manager and explained what happened. He asked me what do i want from this…..What a question …I wanted not to be let in or to loss my money. I told him i wanted some money back to start fresh.He said hell speak to the people where i gambled and get back to me. Thats my true story of getting yourself an Self Excluded from a bookies…Will talk soon. Thanks for nice comments and support. 

[stephenm]

Hi. I think they only work through the uk. I live in Ireland. Thank you for  trying to help me. My mother tried to help me even before his past away. My problem with gambling has gone on for years and to be truthful the passsing of mother should have made me stronger. Stonger by staying way from gambling.That was my mother wishes but i didnt have the will power to do it. I’m tried of it all. Im tried of the worry, shame,lies and having no money…….I know if i gamble again ill end with no home,job, etc  Today im so down because i cant even buy milk…….My brother phoned and i couldnt even speak to him…He kept asking me whats up…What did i say…Im ok..just down…He said hell phone me back tonight. I look out my window and everybody seems to be living normally. I need to stop gambling i know this but how to get through the next weeks is going to be very hard. Its my own fault i Know. Thanks for reading. Talk soon

[stephenm]

You have given me hope. I will have to grab the devil by the horns. Thank you so much for all you have posted to me.After reading how much you have gone through it brings a tear to my eye…..but you had the strenght to get through it. I hope you feel pride…

[stephenm]

Laura…I will start the journey  today…..Thanks..

[stephenm]

I dont blame my partner at all. I just would have liked her to help me a little..  I understand if she leaves. To be honest I dont have the right to ask her to stay. I have put her through so much over the years. I will let her make up her own mind. If she stays or goes. Laura, I feel worthless, ashamed, have no money and im run down from gambling. I know thats what gambling takes from a human.Gambling takes everything…..

I know i had enough. Thet doesnt mean two months down the road i wont do  it again. I need to make a plan tto stop gambling. I need tools to put in place so i can cope with wanting to gamble but cant. I have to see a doctor when i get paid. To be honest im not sleeping,eating or even thinking straight.  I have a very hard road to recovery and i know its not easy for any complusive gambler. 

As I said im not thinking straight. I dont have money for food, petrol etc…I cant live on nothing. My family love me but cant give me anymore loans. I fully understand this. Maybe its better if they dont. I need money for food etc.do sale the car and get the bus…….will this take some of the expenses of me like road tax,insurance petro costs,repairs etc…I will GET 250 euro for the car through a dismentlers….The bus system is shit in the country…Its very bad….I dont know what to do anymore……..My head is all over the place……

Laura… I will keep coming back. I think the first step is to be honest………I told so many lies that my partner doesnt believe me or family. I fully understand why. I have to start to be honest with me and no one else…..

[stephenm]

Laura. Thanks for your post. It means alot to me. Im just feel totally broken at the moment. I will read your first posts I promise. 

[stephenm]

Yeap. Hurting everyone around me. I have gone to GA Meetings over the years but i have never really being there. I mean my head wasnt there. I dont think i really wanted to let go for some reason. I had enough after gambling my lost 230 yesturday. Maybe having nothing will give some time to think and stay away from gambling. I have just posted what i did yesturday. Thanks again for your support. Please dont end up like me…..Mate…dont hurt yourself thats how it all starts…I feel worthless and very down….I feel im not god enough…I need help with this also……Your not lucky if you are hurting yourself. Hurting yourself is the worst thing you can do…

[stephenm]

Hi. I hope your well. No I havent seeked residential help. My partner lives with me but had enough of my gambling and wont take control of my money. I will keep posting until i can fight this. Thanks 

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