[steph37]

Kin that is exactly how i feel.. I can do well for long periods of time and not even think of gambling and then as soon as i know there is money in the bank i think of ways to go to play slots.. Whether its just my lunch hour which then turns into the whole afternoon and evening… Its just that little voice saying go try for a bit… There r times where i do it to “get back” at my husband, there r times that i do it for the rush… Just walking in to the bar and the smell and the lighting and the music give me a bit of a rush.. Then heading to the atm to take money and hurrying as fast as possible to sit on that stool and get lost… And i can for hours and not realize im hungry, thirsty…. That surreal feeling when u go in the afternoon and walk out and its pitch black… And always that feeling in the pit of your stomach of dread knowing that you’ve done it again… The bigger picture is ive only gambled two days in the last month… I am now day 8 since ive gambled last…

[steph37]

Thanks vera.. Your last comment had me laughing as i pictured myself all chained up.. I managed not to go back that night but the next night ended up spending 140 dollars at a casino w my sister in law… I was able to stop that night when i still had money in the bank…I did tell my husband and now have 10 days to make sure i have barriers in place so i dont waste another cent… I am now on day 3 again.. But i refuse to give up.. My next goal is to mend things w my parents.. Ive borrowed alot of money due to gambling and i havent talked to them for several months.. They r not aware of my gambling

[steph37]

I had anned on a busy day and 30 minutes before planned it.. Its sll the bars w video slots that i go to… Cant self ban from there… I havent told my husband.. Just lied and told him i paid more bills than i actually did… 🙁

[steph37]

I got paid.. My husbands working out of town so i had to pay the bills…. I thought i could handle it but i was wrong… I need to get barriers back in place… And keep busy.. Thats a third of my cheque gone..

[steph37]

Gambled 700 dollars today… So discouraged…

[steph37]

I haven’t gambled in 10 days,however haven’t had alot of money to gamble with…. i guess that is a small victory because I have been paying bills as soon as I get money so there is that…. I keep reading everyones posts and am finding it so helpful and see myself doing/feeling alot of the same things…
For me the last year was extremely tough… Last summer (2014) I was gambling alot with our rent money and our landlord finally had enough and gave us a few months to find a new place…. We decided to move in with my husband’s parents to save money for a down payment on a house- which was a big mistake… it just gave me more money to gamble with…. In May of this year we found a house and moved out and again I promised my husband I wouldn’t gamble… but continued to do so… some low points for me included spending my entire paycheque the night before two of my kids birthday parties… luckily my parents were able to bail me out… another time I was supposed to pick the kids up from school (11, 8, and 6) and I wouldn’t/ couldn’t stop playing the machine I was on… again my parents bailed me out and were able to pick them up (I think I told them I got caught up at work)….
My kids are aware I gamble… yesterday my daughter wanted to stop for a drink after dance and I told her I had no money because dad had to keep it so I don’t gamble… she laughed and said “i like how your so honest about it”… which is what I am trying to do now… be honest, and not make up lies about where money was spent or why I need money….
It is hard to know I can’t be trusted with money… every morning my husband gives me some for coffee etc… but it is also relieving to know that I don’t have the choice to gamble….

[steph37]

i am finding it so helpful to read all the comments and stories (is it weird that when i read people from england’s posts its with an english accent 🙂 ) in jan i will b 38 and i have alot of goals i want to complete before im 40 and i know i cant do any of them if i continue putting all my money into the slots.. I also know i wont have a husband much longer if i gamble… I have decided that before oct 31 i will go try a ga meeting

[steph37]

Thank u so much lizbeth, fg, and kin fo the advice and words of support.. I did not gamble this weekend so i am now at day 6… Last night when my husband fell asleep at 9 i could have went to the vlts (slots that r government owned and in pretty much every bar) but i didnt.. The weekend was good… I also looked up ga meetings which i have never done before.. Hopefully i can work up the courage to go to one…

[steph37]

I havent gambled since monday.. Yay me… I still have a hard time understanding that i am addicted to slot machines.. Find myself saying that im not that bad … But i know that it is… Which makes me feel stupid bc i am a social worker i should have known better… I took classes around addiction…

[steph37]

For a long time gambling was a fun thing to do- splitting with a friend.. Having a fee drinks and a few laughs.. I dont know when it became an obsession of putting 20 after 20 in and not caring about consequences until the money was gone… And now there is no going back to it being a fun thing to do once in awhile…i wish i could turn my brain off…

[steph37]

Thanks brave68!! Well i didnt gamble today.. Which in itself is not huge.. The big tedt will be when i or my husband ge paid.. Unfortunately there are about 15 bars with slot machines within a 15 minute drive so its super easy to be anonymous.. I am determined to stop this time…

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