[stayinhome10]

Made it through the weekend, no wagering at all. Yippee. Worked on Bankruptcy forms and got my resume out to 2 new employers. Light at the end of tunnel and if its a train, I am ready to dodge. Blessed day and thanks to higher power.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

[stayinhome10]

Weekends are always the hardest for me to refrain from Gambling as the big pots and ability to have so many tracks to wager on are a big draw. Today is day 6 without any wagers and finally have a lead on a very good job. Also had a really good heart to heart with an older friends who gave some really good insights into just being a friend to yourself. All thoughts of moving back to my old job and living with the old girlfriend are gone as she went a bit nuts yesterday and is actually starting to scare me in the sense that she is turning a bit psychotic. All I can do is to try an avoid her and I suggested that she really ***** tot get psychiatric help. Spent the morning redoing my resume and actually enjoyed going to the grocery store and spending money on food rather than “greed” dot packs. Will spend the afternoon watching movies , going for a walk and working on my bankruptcy forms. Feeling stronger everyday with regards to not fooling myself into thinking about anything but recovery. Thanks be to the higher power for giving me this sunny day with the power to change.
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

[stayinhome10]

Once you realize that you have a problem and decide that you want to stop this process, this is the hardest part. It is the 7th day of the month and have to find a job. I have 15 years in the Lab to boast my resume, but it only takes an employer to check my credit rating and ****, those 15 years mean nothing. Plus, not having a vehicle is a big downer. The nice thing about being in Philly is that the buses are always going. I would love to have some feedback here so this is my question. I have 8 months left on a lease here in Philly. I have applied to almost all of the hospitals and all the while only getting one interview, which they did not even call me back. I could take a lower paying job where I could walk or take the bus and stay here to finish my lease. Or I could go back to the hospital that I was working at before, swallow my pride and beg my supervisor for a second chance. This would require me moving, trying to get out of the lease and the only place that I could live is with a girlfriend that offered me a place and a car. The only catch is that with the girlfriend she is a little nuts over me and is not very motivated to get a job since she gets welfare and baby daddy checks. She scares me a little as this would be an open invite for her to think that we are going to get married or the like. If I go back to my old job, I would get to see my daughter on the weekends that I don’t work which would be good. If I live with her, then I would probably feel like I would be using her. Just really confused as I really want to do things for myself, but when you got nothing, pride is not really a determinant is it? Would like hear what other think.
Thanks.
I have also to report that it is day 4 and still no wagers and I am starting to realize that there is no easy way out. The easy part was getting into this mess. I read a real good article this morning on how the pathological gamblers brain works and realize that I have to overcome 20 years of hard wiring to overcome this. We as PG’s have completely altered our brain chemistry and it is a disease. I also found out that exercise and meditation are going to be a big help. Till I find a job I am spending my time with Bankruptcy forms and reading all I can to better understand the disease.
One thing I find interesting is how there is a link between how the brain of a PG is much the same as someone who is addicted to crack or *******. At first we experience that high and then we spend the rest of the time chasing that first high. Repairing the pleasure centers of brain to respond to stimuli that is healthy is the hard part.
Looking forward to any input and will continue to post
Thanks again
stayin
Sick and tired of being sick and tired

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