[slotjunkie]

My list of things to do.
1. Stay positive all day (done so far and will continue to do so).
2. Attend groups today
3. start a journal and keep posting in it everyday

[slotjunkie]

There is a song by Eric Burden and The Animals. It is called The House of the Rising Sun. The lyrics talk about how his father is a gamblin man down in New Orleans. And how the son has followed in his fathers footsteps. And how he has spent his life like his father did. In sin and misery in the house of the rising sun (which i think he means any kind of gambling establishment.) And how he left for some unknown but he has one foot on the platform and the other foot on the train. And that he is going back to wear that ball and chain (which i think he is talking about being addicted to gambling).
I feel like i am at the same place in my recovery right now. I believe in my heart that if I truly had a car i would be gambling again at the casinos. Even though i have put away my tablet and installed bet-filter on my computer, i find myself gambling on my iphone. I feel like one big failure and think maybe I was born to gamble. Well that is all that i have to say.

[slotjunkie]

Have not been on the recovery train of late. Right now i am looking into a betting blocker for my computer as i need it to sync my iphone to it. I do not want to gamble anymore just for today.

[slotjunkie]

1 Go to G.A. meeting
2 Read just for today blue book
3 Do some adult coloring for relaxation
4 Do more laundry.
5 Read a chapter in my new book I am reading.

[slotjunkie]

been 8 days for me and i really don’t want to gamble again. I feel stupid posting here sometimes because it is not slots at a real casino. But i do spend money on them so that is why i feel like i relapsed. I could easily spend more money than i have.

[slotjunkie]

Thank you for our suggestion theone. Guess i need to specify that i was playing online slots. I have banned myself from both of the local casinos in my state.

[slotjunkie]

Well my insidious disease made me do something totally stupid. Don’t know why i listen to it. Only thing it does is make me miserable and upset with myself. Was doing good then good ole “chaos” popped up and messed with me and i gambled again. It doesn’t matter the amount of money, it just matters that i gambled again. Must figure out why i like “chaos” so much. Every time i start to do good, i can’t seem to stay on the right path. I need to really work on the higher power connection. I used to have a strong connection with my higher power but somewhere along the way of life i lost that connection. Well working on not gambling just for today. Then maybe i can get stay gambling free for the 24 hours.

[slotjunkie]

I went to a g.a. meeting this morning, and it did not get anythings out of it. I think it due to the fact that the chairperson accepted a fifteen year coin even though he went back to gambling. I do realize it is not my place to say anything. I almost wished i hadn’t gone. So i am posting here as a reminder that gambling is not the answer to escape any problems i may have.

[slotjunkie]

You have made the right decision on closing those accounts. My poison is slots so i banned myself from the two local casinos in my state. Your life will get better as long as you don’t make a bet just for today. My gambling program I attend has a motto slow but steady. It is great that you are realizing your problem while you are still young. Just remember to take your recovery One Day At A Time. Slotjunkie

[slotjunkie]

wonderful poem

[slotjunkie]

wonderful poem

[slotjunkie]

really feel like gambling right now. trying to stay positive but disease is kicking my butt right now. So posting instead of gambling. Will try to make it friday for groups have plans for tomorrow. And for today i will not gamble

[slotjunkie]

Have a lot on my mind right now. So I am posting here before I head to bed to remind myself that playing slots will not help get rid of those thoughts in my head. Gonna try meditating for a while instead.

[slotjunkie]

Been doing well with not gambling. What has been most helpful has been deleting my triggers; I stay away from you tube and the only access i use for facebook is phone where the games on the side do not show up. That has really helped. I have also started back to weekly g.a. meetings. Those were lacking as well. Of course, i still attend the support groups here. I find them most helpful. I am so glad to have found this site so many years ago.

[slotjunkie]

Thank you for your feedback it helped me make it back here. Sorry we missed ya today. You came in room and must have had server problems. Hopefully that is all it was. Anyway thanks so much

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