[slotjunkie]

Never should have said i would write about mindfully doing the steps. Still finding it hard to put it down in words. i have tried several times to no avail. sorry all

[slotjunkie]

I want to post about mindfulness and the steps but not sure how to go about it so I am gonna write it out first and then type it here. Sorry for the delay just so unsure of what to put,

[slotjunkie]

ok thanks I hope he is ok too. Keep up the good work

[slotjunkie]

I am just wondering if Tuesday ‘s nights drop in session was cancelled. No one I room to facilitate the session.

[slotjunkie]

It is 1:30 in the morning. I am too wound up to sleep. So I thought I would post something here. I have gambled again. Was weak and let my disease take a hold on me. Was Friday. I have not gambled since then, even though I have been tempted. I guess I am not working my recovery good enough. So much in my head right now. So want to go back into my dream world (not gambling one) and stay there forever and ever. Well thanks for reading this message. .

[slotjunkie]

my definition of fear
Fear-It looks like a very evil black mass. It has no real shape. It has very evil eyes. It’s stench is fowl smelling. The eyes seem to speak to me saying “I want to drain all the fearlessness out of you. They also say, “I want to make you so afraid that you will not want to try anything new.” This is my description of fear.

[slotjunkie]

It is the same as sick leave Vera. And still have not gambled and it been since 17th.

[slotjunkie]

Sunday will be two weeks since i last gambled. Longest I have gone with out playing face book slots in a while. I missed not being into groups but just had too much going on this week. It was all positive things, which is a change for me. My leave of absence got approved and i will not lose my job. But disability insurance does not cover mental health. So when i exhaust all my paid time i have from work, i must return. Hopefully when that happens i will be ready to go back to work. I will be in groups next week.

[slotjunkie]

Was trying to get in to group with tablet guess it is my tablet or no group well either way I will post here Really want to gamble right now but not gonna just having a bad moment right now

[slotjunkie]

Well i have not gambled in 9 days. Longest it has been for a long while. Not having my computer helps. Funny I never used it everyday but now that i cannot use it i miss it everyday. That seems really strange. Things are getting better. Still having a hard time getting thoughts clear and focused. Depression is definitely getting better. Guess the new med my psychiatrist added is working, Hopefully will be back to work in 2 weeks. I just know that i gotta be 100 percent before i go back to work taking care of the elderly.

[slotjunkie]

well was in group session but could not find out how to get back in. Just wanted to let you know richard that it was nothing anyone said

[slotjunkie]

Well i now have 4 days of no gambling. Feels nice to say that. Went to a g.a. meeting this morning and it rejuvenated me as it was my first one in 2 1/2 weeks due to circumstances beyond my control. I am feeling better now and have got some of my motivation back. Again, all that make this site happen do a wonderful job.

[slotjunkie]

Well i got one day under my belt. I need to remind myself that i can do this one day at a time. Had a interesting talk with some people today. They reminded me what i need to do to stay gamble free. I must walk the walk not just talk the talk. Was thinking this week about things i have done in the past, and the consequences they had. They cost me a very precious friendship that will never be the same. Even though I really still miss her, know that it is in the best interest for her. She was my best forever friend online. We met in person and everything like that.

[slotjunkie]

I am posting here to remind myself that I will not gamble just for today.

[slotjunkie]

I have made a serious commitment to stay away from fake slots of any kind. I am posting here instead of playing the slots on face book. I think this is a much better choice. It is not gonna be easy for me. I have been using gambling to escape from life and the things that come up. I am going to focus on my gambling problems in my forum. So just for today i will not gamble.

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