[Sk87]

So… Iv been to the doctors and they’ve prescribed me anti depressants. Iv never taken them in my life, I never thought I would as I’m a very strong person but this had made me feel gutted. Like… HOW can someone i loved and stood by have such a negative impact on my life when all I was trying to do was support them? It makes me so upset that I feel like he’s broken me as a person and that I’m in this awful situation, it feels never ending the past couple of days.
Did anyone else go through similar feelings?
Xxx

[Sk87]

Thank you, I have been keeping busy during half term with the children. I’m feeling better everyday (most of the time) but my ex partner is now being extremely controlling with finances and conventiently ‘forgetting’ conversations that we have had and then uses it to start arguments. The latest one is regarding childcare, we spoke about arrangements last week and as the childcare arrangements only effect me as I have to get the children there and then to work I can’t really see why he has to have input on every decision that I make. I’m not asking for money towards it or anything. He seemed in aggreance with it all last week when we spoke face to face and then he sent me a message early one one morning a few days ago asking what the plans were with childcare and denied all knowledge of the conversation that we had and then it spiralled and he’s now controlling my money. Is there anyone that I can go to about that? He’s also threatened to take everything out of the house that he’s bought down to the children’s toys, clothes and car seats, prams etc. He’s just being so spiteful and I try to not rise to it but it’s hard to sometimes! His parents still haven’t been in touch which I’m disgusted with too.
I do have a great support around me though and I’m very lucky. I am going to the doctors later today to speak to them about some counselling or something to help me through this time as I feel like some days it gets the better of me and I feel extremely low. It’s not good for the children to have me like that and I try my best to snap out of it.

On a positive, I completed a nail course yesterday that Iv wanted to do for years. My plan is to start a little business alongside my job, to give me a focus. I have lots of ideas and plans for it, so that I am very excited about.

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts xxx

[Sk87]

Thank you again for your time, it means a lot to me that you take the time to reply. I try my best to take an awful lot of what you say on board, to improve this recovery for myself.
I’m definitely feeling stronger today. I saw my partner ( now ex) and spoke briefly over the children, house and finances. He looks a broken man and he does seem very upset. He is very angry at me for telling his parents though. They still haven’t contacted me, he has asked me to not speak to them anymore and I’ll respect that. I don’t know his reasons and I’m not sure if I want to know as I’m sure it’ll only just irritate me. Ultimately now, I’m just going to focus on myself and the children. He along with his addiction have had enough of my time and energy and he still seems very deep in denial and putting blame onto me. I’m getting nowhere, so I have to learn when to know when its time to stop.
I’m hoping to join your online group tomorrow evening. I look forward to speaking to people in similar situations and hearing their take on it all and to find comfort in it.

Thank you again velvet, you have helped me in this lonely time to not feel so alone. Forever grateful. Xxxx

Xxxx

[Sk87]

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply to me. I wish I had seen your message sooner.

Unfortunately this isn’t my first time in a relationship with someone with an addiction. My previous boyfriend of 6 years was a cocaine addict. I stuck by him too but had the support of his parents. He did seek help and went into rehab for 3months. He came out a different person, he kept going to meetings every month as his rehab wasn’t that local but as he started to go less often the addiction got the better of him and he started using again.
I had to walk away from him and that relationship as I didn’t want that life for myself. It was horrible having to keep on building on that broken trust and the constant worry was driving me insane.
So when I met my current partner he was my knight in shining armour. He was just everything that I had ever wished for. So I think half of why Ive taken it so badly when he told me about his gambling is because of that. I panicked as I know this is a horrible life being with a partner of an addict. (More so one that hasn’t got help yet, I do know that some people manage their addictions very well)
Feeling a little sorry for myself, I couldn’t help but think that the universe had turned on me massively, especially as this time I have two children with this man and to be honest, this life with the gambling addiction has been far worse than that of my ex partner with cocaine. It’s a lot more conceited and calculated, I could tell when my ex partner had been using, I can’t tell when my partner has been gambling. He said that he’s ‘cured’…. he has no understanding of what a grip this has over him and that he is far from in control of this. That’s why I’m so frustrated as Iv been here and I vowed I’d never be here again! I just can’t believe Iv had the wool pulled over my eyes again! He knows about my ex partner too and the effect that it had on me on a trust point of view with relationships and I csnt help but feel like Iv been made a fool of.
I REALLY want to help him, but as Iv been here before (kind of) but I don’t know if I can live that life of constant panic and worry with young children. Especially as he is in denial that he’s ‘cured’. I’m far from an expert on addictions but I do have a good understanding of the constant work it takes to keep it at bay as such and I just dont think he’s there yet. I don’t also know that his parents, although they know about my partners gambling are going to get him the help that he needs. They are a little naive and I don’t think they understand that it’s not as simple as not betting again.
It’s so hard! And I’m so angry at how my life has ended up again!

I’m sorry, I’m feeling assively sorry for myself today!

Xxx

[Author]

Posts