[shashinicka]

I gave in to the temptation, so I’m basically back to one. AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN. I didn’t think that relapses are even more serious.
I’ll try again though. I should really stop, or I’ll be ruining my self. 🙁

[shashinicka]

3rd daaaay!!! OMG!! OMG!! I opened a website!!!! But, I didn’t play. As I opened it, I quickly thought of the debts I have to pay. Then I closed the site and blocked it. It’s quite hard since the urge will pop out of nowhere. But, I gotta be strong. We gotta be strong until the urge vanishes. I always pray to God to give me more strength for this battle. I’ll make it out of this. I know. Somedaay.. Sooon.. <3

[shashinicka]

Today is payday! The urge to gamble reeks all over the place. But, as I opened my bank account online, there was a huge amount of money to be paid early next month waving at me. It’s more than 3 months of my full paycheck and that’s not the only debt I have now. It’s a bad thing to see such an amount pressing me to its due date, but I am thankful I saw that. I suddenly came to my senses; it reminded me how much gambling ruined me. I started opening up to people I love about my addiction as well so there will be people motivating me to this new path I want to take. It’s crazy thinking about how I can pay all these debts I have now, but what’s important for now is to keep my focus on this goal of beating this addiction. I’m also looking for another job to help me pay off my loans. I was inspired by a story I’ve read here in a journal. I forgot his name, but his story was marked in my head. He’s someone I’m looking up to right now. I want to be as dedicated as him. I pray that I, no we, will be successful as well in recovering.

[shashinicka]

I heard from a podcast that you have to quit thinking about trying to get the money back, cause you won’t. Easier than done, bit yeah. Let’s try. Whenever you feel the urge, just keep reading experiences here or post about how you feel.

[shashinicka]

We’re never proud that we’re gamblers and we might be all disappointed in ourselves. But we have to keep fighting it. For me, I’m trying to imagine all the loses I’ve had; the misery. When I do, somehow feel disgusted about going back to the old habit. It’s worked for 3 days now. I hope it will for the rest of my life.

[shashinicka]

I love this poem! 2 years have passed since you posted this. I hope you’re doing great .

[shashinicka]

I love this poem! 2 years have passed since you posted this. I hope you’re doing great .

[shashinicka]

Very relatable one. Let’s be all free from the slavery!!

[shashinicka]

Very relatable one. Let’s be all free from the slavery!!

[shashinicka]

I feel the same. I’m so ashamed of myself and so disappointed that I ended up becoming an addict.
I don’t know, this is the first time I joined this forum. I just want someone who can understand me and eventually get rid of this addiction.

I know we can. I don’t know though how.

[Author]

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