[seri68]

Thanks Geordie for your words of encouragement .On my up days and gambling free days I can tell myself that I was never a bad person just a lad with a problem with gambling and handling money. But again from ga , god grant me the serenity to forget the past and try to make amends the the people I’ve harmed .Thanks again

[seri68]

Just up to start another day ,feeling positive and optimistic

[seri68]

Hi ,Geordie , I like a lot of your thoughts , can I ask you without being too personal , if you have ever been in the position of trying to start a relationship whether business or romantic when you would be held back because of your past ? And how you tackled it ?

[seri68]

Started my week well and set fair for the weekend ,as off Friday aswell. This may seem shallow when a lot of people are going out of there minds with debt and lots of other things but this is my journal. The carnage that has resulted due to my gambling in my life has meant for the last 3 years I’ve been on my own .I always hope that if I could stay gambling free I could maybe meet someone again and start again . With my prison record it would be difficult to try and explain to someone without lying to them about my past life . Maybe getting way ahead of myself , need to be gambling free before I can do anything .,But commercial valentines day this week on a weekend that I’m off , so need to fill my time positively and not dwell to much on the past and be thankful for the things I do have x

[seri68]

Good weekend so far with no gambling .Have had lots of urges but continued walking ,impossible not to go anywhere near betting shops , they are everywhere.Today I’m going to think about goals to set ,I’ve made a start this month in paying my debt but will be July at that rate. But its never about money for me ,what I have or haven’t got , it all just went . With my dad handling my money things will be tight. But all good and I’m still on this journey , and so thankful that i have a roof over my head, warm bed and food .And most of all a mam and dad that still care about me after the pain through gambling I have put them through . That’s my only goal really ,to thank them .And I can only do that one way , give up gambling for good .x

[seri68]

Just up , sleep is a great healer for me . Going to have a good day . Reading on posts about odaat , I’m thinking that its maybe about just keeping away from that first bet ,rather than counting days , same idea I suppose but everyone’s brain is wired up differently x

[seri68]

My dads gave me £30 tonight which I had agreed with him ,he’s also filled my fridge and got my bait stuff.I want to be able to keep it but also still get out at the weekend , a gamblers trait I suppose . Probably shouldn’t have taken the money off my dad , my money , but just causes problems and anxiety . Ive been great all week and just need to try and relax. I need to find a way of keeping money in my pocket ,easiest answer is don’t have money ,but how can I ever hope to live a normal life if I can’t go anywhere without a penny in my pocket . Just going in the bath then put a pizza in and then at least I won’t be going out gambling tonight. Odaat for me x

[seri68]

Thanks to users tonight and Monique , feeling focused and well , odaat x

[seri68]

Im finding this site rather hard to navigate , to look at users journals like to the people who have advised me in the last couple of days to see where they are in there battles , should there current message not come up first ,not where they where 4 years ago ! The ups and downs. Nobody on chat for the second time ,but I’m good tonight although up mega late for me No gambling for me today although no funds and did have break in betting shop . First obstacle for me is weekend 😀

[seri68]

Thanks Sad68 , I could have chosen your user name ,would fit me perfectly 😀

[seri68]

Hi Monique , just wondering if you could tell me how the support groups work , just looking there’s one tonight 19.00 till 20.00 😉

[seri68]

Thanks Geordie . I’ve just banned myself from the bottom of the street so now at least a pint of milk won’t cost me a £100 quid . Day 2 , and haven’t gambled , don’t have any money today but little steps 🙂

[seri68]

Thanks for posts . There are a lot of bookies in my city and outskirts , then my job doesn’t help in travelling around the country each day and having a taco break each day. But the barriers are how big you build them to whether you want to get through them ,bit like building a dam .One day at a time

[seri68]

Thanks for all the messages. I know I’m not alone with this problem and have tried different things to try and stop ,including counselling and ga but have always drifted back into gambling . I haven’t gambled today but like you said jansdad its only one day and I’ve had a lot of first days , always dream that I could say a memorable date like today 1st of Feb 2015 was the last time I gambled. But I do think its finding something that would work for me . I only gamble in betting shops and have self excluded myself before for five years but as I’ve said drifted back .Don’t know what’s in my mind that I don’t want to exclude myself from them again , the bottom of my street , but its in my mind to do it again , sorry if this post is just a load of rubbish , just what’s in my mind .

[seri68]

Thank you for your welcome . I don’t know where to start ,whether to write down my life story of gambling that led to prison or to focus on looking to tommorow as a new start and try to forget the past . I’m a positive person but carry everyday regret that I cannot undo and live a life that Im a thief and I’m destined to be on my own.Bit deep for a Saturday night but Its good to write this down and it may help x

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