[seri68]

Thanks a million Geordie . I could have done with someone to talk to tonight , can’t talk this my dear dad as would stress him out and make him ill , and got no friends . But like I said I just need to convince myself that things will pan out OK . One day when I’m gambling free for a long time , days like this I will be able to cope with ,to be able to hold my head up high and be happy and proud of the person I am but until that day comes I will just have to do my best .

[seri68]

Feeling stressed tonight , the problem I had a work has surfaced. The positive person in me can say that I haven’t done anything wrong and they will eventually see that, but the gambling ,worrying , nervous person will worry like hell till its resolved. I just don’t cope with worry .But just got to tell myself to be positive and that I’ve been in far ,far worse situations when I actually have done things wrong .

[seri68]

So I’ve got to a month without gambling today ,I’m not really counting as Im in the premier league of compulsiveness ,is that a word ? . I’ve made good progress in paying my debts and all my bills have been paid on time , mainly because of my father doing it . So I’m in good shape and can always be thankful that I’m still here ,without being dramatic. Another month starts and I’m going to try and focus on some of the ideas that the great people of this site have suggested. Although its too early to run , i need to start and make some sort of goal to achieve . Maybe a relationship is too far , so chocolate will have to do miss p , I m too fragile to try and start a new relationship but the one thing that I’ve really tapped into is having someone to talk to about the ups and downs of my life . Last week my head was battered over problem at work but just talking it through in support groups with Monique and Charles it eased, although problem still there. So to that end , I’m thinking about joining a group , I’m not shy but with the burdon of the past and prison its easier to just stay in the shadows.
I hope everyone is at peace with there lives this weekend and if not can find the strength to keep going x

[seri68]

And here’s another to make you laugh Geordie , when in prison coming out with my spends in my plastic bag , I had three 1.5 litres of coca cola , and always remember someone in the queue saying he must be a coke addict .lol

[seri68]

That’s really spooky Geordie !!!! For a long time I have drank lots of coca cola and I’ve asked a few people including my doctor whether coca cola would have any bearing on my gambling ,anxiety and depression , mmmh !??

[seri68]

Thanks Geordie, just been in group session and asked about Gordon moody techniques or things they may do ,nobody was really sure what they do . Can you give me something to try ,maybe for anxiety that I’ve been feeling tonight ?

[seri68]

I’ve had a positive week with no gambling although I’ve had very little money . This weekend I get paid and my dad has my card so I have no access to any cash and all my bills will get paid .He will also fill my fridge and freezer so that will be so good and peaceful . I will also be able to pay him back some of the money he bailed me out with after my meltdown day last month. So again I’m so thankful that he ,along with my mam , still love me to do all this for me .And that really is my only goal , not to let them down again , by being honest with them and trying to progress in my life x

[seri68]

I’ve had a good weekend with no gambling . I’ve used the resources and ideas that I’ve spoken to people about and feel I’m progressing . I’m taking each as it comes and gratefull for a lot of things . Last night surfing online I discovered two people from my past had died and at work today another lady had passed away due to cancer , she never told anyone and died 4 weeks after discovering she had it . We were not close and she was a lady I just delivered to , but just a stark reminder to me that time is ticking and be glad for what I have . Reading a lot of the journals aswell I can’t help but feel I could do so much better in life , not to be a dick , but my life can be so ,so simple . I have no debt , or commitments so life can be whatever I choose it to be at any time . God grant me the strength to be humble x

[seri68]

God grant me the serenity to accept things I cannot change , courage to change things I can and wisdom to know the difference. This weekend I will have a programme , I may not follow it exactly but I will keep myself busy and focused .

[seri68]

I’ve had a better day , talked to harry from gt about triggers to gamble , I don’t know what they are ? To think what happens for me to want to gamble ? I don’t feel sad , maybe unsettled and fidgety ,restless. I have no debt and know I could have a great life if I stay away from gambling . Any ideas ?

[seri68]

Tough day today and feeling rather stressed , but not going to gamble 😉

[seri68]

Getting off the bus at 8pm last night and walking home , cold Sunday night with rain coming down heavy and not a soul in sight , the only light on is in the betting shop at the bottom of my street .8 pm on a miserable Sunday night , no other shops open but this bookies with all lights blazing , some random foreign football game on the 56 inch plasma television and two staff behind the counter .For only one reason , that someone will come in a do there rent money in the machines !!!!!!!! How can the government not ban these machines !!!!!!!!!

[seri68]

Just starting to feel the benefit of not gambling , been out all day and progressed a little . So home now at peace with myself , did a little to repair faith with my dear dad so sleep sound tonight to be able to start the week again in a positive way x

[seri68]

Thanks kpat . That’s good advice and what I try to do by getting out and enjoying life . My concentration span has never been good and so fidgety thinking about gambling or where to get the money for the next bet . Thanks x

[seri68]

The weekend is here . I’ve had a positive gambling free week and now off for the weekend . On my mind is filling my time , I’ve thought about trying to join a group but find it hard to let go because of my gambling criminal past . So find myself on my Todd , but one day at a time and will try and fill my time positively this weekend x

[Author]

Posts