[seri68]

Captains log stardate 9.45.14.06.2015.
Feeling a bit flat tonight , it was good that I had barriers in place today or would have gambled. Two parts of the earth , wind and fire triangle were there but not the three.
So another week starts on my contiunuing voyage of my quest to a better time . Payday comes round again this friday and another chunk of debt paid with it , feel like im just existing .
But things could be worse and just need to keep going .
The needs of the many , outway the needs of the few or the one.
Live long and prosper . X

[seri68]

Have a liitle patience . Missed charles patience topic group tonight as ive been out .
But thought about it and the things that it means to me , paying back my mam and dad the debt I owe to them , its not a great deal but just need to have patience to go steady then do better in the future .
But im ok tonight and with heavy rain due tommorrow think 8 will just chill out a bit and take it easy .
Just have a little patience . X

[seri68]

Sat in bookies today on my dinner . I had no money at all so wasnt going to gamble although another day when I do have money it may have been different .
One lad playing on the machine with his two mates egging him on . He kept stuffing twenty pound notes in , winning a little but gradually losing . His two mates went outside but he continued on , still putting twenties in . He then hit a payout of 496 pound , but still kept on going . Twenty minutes later he had lost that and went to his wallet again .
He had a hi vis jacket on and I was thinking he would be from the nearby building works , I was thinking maybe hes rich and can afford to gamble his weeks wages ? Prob not .
I left and on my way home thought that ive done that so many times and how could I be so stupid ? Looks so crazy as it seems that nobody will ever win . I counted the tv screens , 26 that was without the machines , all blazing .
Then a bloke floating about asking continually would you like a cup of tea or coffee ? Talk about madness ! Pure madness . They should serve verve cliquot champagne with truffles !
I shouldnt have been there today and its a habit I need to quit and do something else on my break.
But at least im ok today and haven’t gambled and just need to keep at it . X

[seri68]

Feeling settled tonight after a positive day .
My support in the shape of my dad is away on holiday so felt a liitle more pressure with the money he left me , so I spent the lot on bits and pieces so now I have something to show for it . Enjoy so much buying then doing them up or reseaching them ,one of today’s buys is a wood basket made from new zealand swamp kauri , interesting .
Then in my return home today found a set of old ladders , very in with todays shabby chic . Then 4 doors up from my house an old set of draws that someone wanted rid of . Not worth much and weighed about a ton , but so lights me up as I love old wooden things .
So my thought tonight is I havent gambled , have maybe doubled my money when I put a bit work into a few things and have a lovely set of draws .
My have to keep at it every day to keep myself safe from gambling but today’s been good so roll in tomorrow .x

[seri68]

Feeling majorly positive tonight , making plans and tidying up loose ends of junk , bills , unworn clothes ( how many painting t shirts do you need to keep lol ) .
Its June 2nd and nearly half the year gone again and my half term report would say could do better , so my plan is by blackberry week im in a better place .
Onwards x

[seri68]

Ive had a gamble free weekend which has made it a good one.
Today ive been busy doing something I enjoy and although its only 8 pm now im away to bed totally bushed to try and get myself together for another week at work .
Thank you to all the members who have supported me in my struggles at work .
So I go into this week in good shape mentally which is good as my support as in my dad and mam are going on holiday on Thursday but they can set me up to continue getting along .x

[seri68]

An example , I asked for a day off , hols start april and they are acrued , he said had I acrued enough days ?
My mate is off tomorrow and has now had 12 days of his annual hols , eh ! !

[seri68]

Survived today by not fighting for what is right .
But I need my job to continue to pay my way .
I have gambled since I was 8 or 9 , 2p doubles with my dearest grandad . 37 years later im working for such a dire company and that is the price ive paid for all of those years .
But thats not to say that my future cant be good and if I can continue to work hard and build my confidence , I should be able to move on in my life . X

[seri68]

God on high , hear my prayer ,
in my need , you have always been there,
he is young, hes afraid ,
let him rest , heaven blessed,
bring him home, bring him home , bring him home .x

Ive had a great weekend and going along ok . Feeling spiritual tonight that I can get to a place I want to be if I can continue to stay away from gambling .
Made some goals last night in my diary to try and achieve . Some small , some big . Think of charles and that he thought he would always be single , so one goal would be to meet a special lady to share my life with . Supose thats a big ask but god loves a trier .
Going to bedfordshire now as have meeting in morning but heh worse case is never probably going to be in worse times that ive already been through. Onwards . X

[seri68]

Hi , I like your thread as can relate to alot of the things you say and wish you well in your recovery .
One of the things that I like about your thread is your patience level with the coors wagon or the lack of it , lol. Im one such deliverer and we get a run set out each morning depending on whos ordered what . So can be late , early or sometimes miss out altogether and it goes the next day . So I love your take on this that’s so funny .
Anyway all the best , gerrards a legend and a top , top player .

[seri68]

Its been a tough week for me and im struggling a little . Have no friends and talking to my mam and dad would just worry them . But im still pushing on and have 3 days off to relax abit a regroup myself .
Things all round are ok , not great just ok so I just need to hold onto the positive things and keep going and think how good things can be if I stay away from gambling . Geordies words always resonate with me , things maybe shit bit one thing is certain they wont be any better if I gamble , win or lose . X

[seri68]

Ive had such a peaceful day today , cleaned entire house and cleared away a lot of junk .
Back to work tomorrow with the problems still there but at least I can go jn clean and tidy looking the best I can ( as per ga ) . Hopefully I can have a quick week as off on friday and long bank holiday weekend . Its also payday so my dad will pay my bills and get some food and stores . And I can also pay my mam and dad back another chunk of my debt to them .
So all in all just got to keep positive and going and doing the things that i know can keep me safe .

[seri68]

The weekend comes eventually and I have some respite from work . Just need to get some good rest as with bank hol looming the weekend next it will mean I will be busy next week .
But after my week of hell I havent gambled so feel good tonight . My plans for the weekend are to continue with my crafts , bootsales and flea markets . With my dear dad helping me so much with alot of things in my life it has brought us so close . Its hard to think of any benefits from gambling but this for me is one .
Wish for anyone tonight struggling with life and not just gambling issues that they can find the strength and guidance to survive and keep going . X

[seri68]

Well ive had better days than today. My boss has set me up and I just dont have the strength to fight back . But its my fault really , I work for this company because it was a life line at the time but if I hadnt gambled so much in my life I would not be working for such a company.
I feel a little mellow tonight , defeated , deflated but still a spark inside me . I always think of the old superman movies when he gave up for lois but he found the green crystal that would still burn , guess you would have to have seen that film , lol.
So I will wait for the decision on my working future . Sometimes I think im so mad as anyone else wouldnt bat an eyelid , I would be not much worse off being on benefits , so why does it upset me so much ?
If I had money tonight I think I would have gambled , evening racing kicking in for the summer , but I havent got any money so that’s one thing and will try an relax and watch barca tonight.
I think I will use geordies wise thoughts tonight , life can be tough for us all , but one thing is certain , gambling isnt going to help the situation .

[seri68]

The idiot that I am , it maybe would have been a good idea to post that I was going offline for a while when putting my tablet in for repair at John lewis . Mm m but after saying it was going to take 20 days to turn round they couldn’t so they have given me a new shiny one , hooray !!
And gambling wise I’ve had a good period , works still up and down but overall I’m good . Xxx

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