[seri68]

Hit the jackpot today , nothing to do with gambling .
Bloke was clearing out his garage into a skip just as I went past. Lots of old junk to repair , polish , clean and dust down .
Life can be good if I take one day at a time x

[seri68]

Just been reading some of my past journal entries and wanted to be in a better state by blackberry week ( not that I know when that is ) , sometime soon . And I am in a good position at the moment .
So thats where I want to stay and keep going and go into the winter months not worrying about putting the heating on and also to be able to blow a couple of strategic shifts at work . I have never ever stayed off work when I wasnt sick in my 30 years of working , and 30 years of gambling , as always wanted the funds to continue gambling . I may not end up taking time off but its a great feeling to know that I can.
Its a lovely day up here today and im going out for the day looking for salvage projects .
Just need to hold onto this feeling and keep it going .
If I stay away from gambling my life can get better and better . X

[seri68]

Bank holiday weekend 2015 .
When I look back in time august bank holiday always seemed to be the day in my life that was a total disaster , ending in pain , regret and pain .
So this weekend I made a good effort for it not to be and it hasn’t been . Stuck to my plans and now the weekends over its a good feeling .
My efforts to keep busy with my junk recycling came to fruition and now by 14th ? Sept friday . I will be debt free to my dear mam and dad .
Then another time in my life will begin . Ive had a liitle extra cash recently but have continued to pay back my dad , but as of next week im there ..
I cannot remember a time I ever didnt owe somewhere. It doesnt change much as im not going to change much with my finances but it just seems easier in my mind .
So again I move on again into my favourite season of the year as the nights will be darker and I will go out in the dark to work and come home in the dark but it will be good to always have my bills paid and to not worry about paying heating bills . X

[seri68]

Haven’t posted for a while as been so busy .
But that’s so good and I’m gamble free for a good period.
Got a super plan for this weekend for no gambling to keep busy.
1. Go to my mams for breakfast ( always get fed and its lush )
2. Go to tabletop sale at church next to my mams .
3. Go to pub with my dad and watch my team beat man u , ok maybe not .
4. Go home via shopping and £10 meal deal .
5. Friend coming for tea and dvd tonite.
6. Up early and shabby chic 3 sets of ladders with duck egg blue paint .
7. Go to carboot sale for more junk for my bh sale next week.
8. Come home and rest up for tough week ahead as im manic busy the week before bank hol .
Now thats a plan .
And in the words of a song off bridget jones
” keeping busy everyday , I know I will be ok ”

[seri68]

Lifes getting better and thats down to not gambling .
The suns shining today and im going out for the day .
In my darkest days of gambling I would spend every penny on gambling but it was never about the money . But money does make my life easier when I can handle it .
So just need to keep it all going and make some firmer plans x

[seri68]

Feeling so good tonight . Reading adams journal and his never ending quest against coors im very similar as havent got alot to say at the mo . Which in its self is a bit scary as I seem to be waiting for it all to go @@@ @ up .
But ive had a fantastic day today and have some nice photos that I need to get hard copies of . These are my days to remember . That was number one when I was born oct 1968 , what was number one in the charts ?
Just need to keep it all going . X

[seri68]

Any thoughts anyone on new bbc programme ?

[seri68]

Been really busy over the last few days and even now as I go to bed im thinking I need to get up an hour early to do a few things . And all of this helps my non gambling quest as keeping busy is so important to me . Had one wobble early tonight , had been out doing things and needed to sit down and have a drink . With joe c right across the road I nearly succumbed but managed to keep walking.
Its payday this weekend again and my achievement this month of being able to still give my dad some of the money he bailed me out with when he said dont bother this month is one I havent done in alot of years . That is manage my finances myself like normal people must .
So onwards again , im enjoying the sun and scratting about for junk and just need to keep doing the things I know will keep me safe .
This year started really badly but hopefully the last 6 months of this year can be great . X

[seri68]

Thanks monique , it was no problem , my hit to send text is very close to sign off tab so I do it alot . X

[seri68]

That was me kicked out of support group tonight and couldnt get back in . Happy birthday slot j xxx

[seri68]

Ive had a good day without any gambling. My thought tonight was stemmed from one of my favourite programmes . On salvage hunters he said that you have to put yourself in the line of luck , make your own luck . Ive done that today in a way without any gambling and its been good .
I think my conclusion is that I dont need to gamble but all of my past life and disasters through gambling that I still need to keep having a go in life and not hide in the shadows.
Its only one day but I need to build on this feeling and one day get so high . X

[seri68]

Just up and its the weekend . Its been absolutely glorious sunshine everyday this week and I get to the weekend when im off ………… and its chucking it down .
But I feel good today and dark , dank days I can chillout a little and stay on track with my plans . Have plenty of nice food and have bought a few quirky items to restore . Im also on track to be able to pay back some money of my debt which will be significant progress as it will mean it will be the first month in I dont know how many , that ive managed my money the way non gamblers maybe do and have something left . This weekend is done and only have next weekend to negotiate to roll round to payday again . X

[seri68]

Lifes getting a little easier. Ive had a gamble free weekend and thats the key to my better life .
I still carry around each day so much pain and regret and have low moments each day .Mainly of how on earth could l have done all those things that were all driven by my need to gamble . The brief counselling that I had 8 years ago said when these thoughts come , not to follow them through and
immediately consciously try to think if something else.
But Im in good shape tonight and start another week , wrote in my diary this week a guage of my life , had it at 54 . I supose thats pretty good as my life is over half full . Based that on work , love life , finances , family relationships , friends .
And if you knew me that would be a surprise as i have so little in my life really due to gambling . But thats a goal to have if this year I can get my guage up to ……. 60 ? My hopes , my dreams , ambition , to find someone to love , to put right the wrongs in my life .
Alot to ask , but one day at a time x

[seri68]

At peace tonight and have made a good start to the month. All my bills are paid and up to date thanks to my dad and my fridge is full .
Top tip , if you ever come to my house for tea , always come the day after pay day , when fridge is full of nice things , leave it to the end of the month and not so tasty.
I hit ms just at the right time and was stalking the whoops lady to good affect .
The one thing that feels better tonight with not paying back my dad this time is that I dont feel as pressured at work in the coming week . Im not going to quit but its certainly taken a load off .
The other big event of this weekend was that I passed a kidney stone .
Must tell this joke now ive said that . Doctor to patient ..do you have trouble passing water ? Patient .. well I did have a dizzy spell once coming over the tyne bridge .
The funny thing about the kidney stone was that without going into details , someone , something , definitely watches over me .
And im so grateful for that .
Happy fathers day to my dad and Im blessed to have him x

[seri68]

Major shift in my world.
My dear dad has just been up to see me with abit tea.
All is good and I told him what pay I was expecting (it fluctuates each month with overtime ) and also what my bills that he pays for me are (again goes up and down ) .
So that would maybe leave me so much after ive paid him back another chunk of the debt I owe to him and my mam .
But he then said this month dont pay anything back to me and just budget your month so you have enough stores and food but to last the month with what you have . Then pay him back in later months .
This has come as a little surprise as ive thought about this before and talked to charles about it , of not paying as much as I could back and living very tight , charles suggested this , but to take smaller steps of paying the debt . This is something I talked to my dad about but he said at the time to just keep going the way ive been going .
So ……… what does this mean to me ?
By the way ,im sorry if this journal sounds mad but ive always thought its just for me anyway.
So I have my full wage which after bills will leave me with an increase in disposable income of 4 times what ive been spending for the last 6 gamble free months .
But does this different approach change anything ?
Apart from I really should get my dad a really good fathers day present .I just dont know x

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