[seri68]

Its been a slow start to the year but everythings ok , not great just ok .
Ive been trying to come up with a list of goals to aim for this year as I’ve always thought It was one of the aspects of my gambling that never helped .Month after month just trundling along hoping for a win that did come but just gave it all back the next day
For me keeping busy is key .
So after googling it lol , my first step is what do I want to achieve .so …………..
1.most important to me is to show everyone who knows me or I meet that im not a bad person just someone who had a gambling problem.
2.to have a steady , productive and content 2nd half of my life.
3.eat healthier.
4.be financially secure , not rich . But just enough if I had an emergency.
4. Have a social life.

Ok . Just rambling but its a start , next is to break down those 4 and to take small steps to achieve them .
TORPENOW .
Is a village in the lake district in the uk and its name translates I to top top top .
Thats my goal. X

[seri68]

Feeling a little flat at present in all areas of my life .
Read geordies latest post and it resonates so much to me in that will I ever change for good .
But … if I think of this day last year after jan 7th , I’m in a so much better place .And that’s maybe a better way for me to look at it . Not just the old boring ga of one day at a time but just counting my blessings for each positive thing that happens in every day .

[seri68]

My journey to torpenhow in 2016 part one.

[seri68]

New year . Feel good tonight and a sense that I can move forward in my life.
When I said last week in groups that I wanted to start to kick on I was swiftly knocked down by several quoting the ga guide of one day at a time . If anyone reads my posts I do that alot as im only ever one step from where I was. But I also need to start trying to live a little . It took me all year to pay back what i lost in 45 minutes on jan 7th 2015 but in my misguided head, boy what I could do with that money this year if I continue onwards .I’m going to continue on with my dad having my cards but to try and do all the things I need to do . I’m going to have a think and make a list to post of things I want to achieve this year .
Who knows what 2016 will bring for me but if I can keep away from gambling im sure it will most certainly be a better year x

[seri68]

And so it is xmas and what have we done , another year over , a new one just begun.
One day at work to go then off for a few days . Really looking forward to the rest above all else . It seems that I’ve been heading towards this point for a while and in some ways I just want to be back home on boxing day with leftover meat and veg and just to chill out .
Earlier this year I felt my guage of my life was 58 but I have maybe climbed to 61 or 62 which means I still have so much work to do in all areas of my life .
Thanks to charles ,monique and all the regular support group members . Merry xmas everyone xx

[seri68]

Just read back my last post . Not good really after reading a few other posts.
I have a job , warm safe home , a great family and so much more .
One poor lad has 17p .
and there’s me b*****ing on .
Hope anyone struggling tonight can find the strength to cope .x

[seri68]

Sunday night rolls round again. Just watching version of the sound of music .
Xmas fast approaching and I’m looking forward to finishing work on xmas eve. I’m all sorted for the holidays so I should have no problems.
Felt abit lost today .As im thinking of the year ending although I’ve have ended well I cannot say its been a good year.
My problems are not all gambling related but gambling just mixes the pot .
I’ve googled how to start your life again , at 47 have I got the energy , the will , the strength.
My shit job , no friends or partner ,my mam and dad constantly worried about me . My lack of ambition .
But onwards and I can work on each part of my life .
But as geordie said earlier this year , one things certain gambling will never help . x

[seri68]

Sunday night and a long week ahead of me . But I’m in good shape in all departments , health , wealth and mentally. With Christmas fast approaching I have no concerns which is massive for me .
I need to get a xmas card for my mam and dad (im not a fan of cards as I think there such a waste , gamblers trait I supose ) but in it in going to write a quick note of thanks to them as I dont know where I would be tonight without everything they have done for me . I cannot undo what I have done this year and the past but if I can stay away from gambling each day then things will get better and better .

[seri68]

daft thought today .
needed a pair of safety boots for work . I went and bought a pair ,would never do that when gambling as wanted to have boots but also keep money for gambling.
bounced about at work today as my feet were dry and warm and not sore which made the day easier.
small steps but so worth it .x

[seri68]

5am .popped up an hour early to start the day well . Watch abit on catch up tv , breakfast and get wrapped up well.
Payday tomorrow and no pressure or stress at all but I still need a plan to keep myself from gambling.
So onwards I go and after starting this year badly this year can end well x

[seri68]

my thought today . looking towards xmas and what I need to get and do its clear that without gambling I have more money than I have ever had at this time of the year.
I was always waiting for that big win just never came or lasted .
Im not bragging to anyone that is struggling at this time and my funds im pretty certain would not raise an eyebrow of anyone but in my world im ok.Mind you still have to be up at 530 am for work and its cold .
Onwards x

[seri68]

I’ve had a great day and everything is on course.
Only blip today was major urge to gamble and I had the 3 things .Gambling doesn’t ever change but everything came off for me today so why get this urge to gamble to celebrate or destroy all my work.
Got out the door today but turned back round , maybe someone was helping me again as weather was shocking.
But I survived and can go again as tomorrow’s another day . x

[seri68]

hello its been a while since I’ve posted .
But that’s probably testament that things are moving on .
I’ve went a few months now without gambling and I’m now beginning to see the benefits .
There isn’t a magic cure for me as I’ve gambled for 30 years and I’ve had so many periods of abstinence . I dont think I will never gamble again but I just feel that I’ve really hit a point where im sick of struggling , the stress of it all.
So thats what keeping me straight at the moment as the feeling I have that my xmas is sorted and bang on track and hoping the new year can kick on .
I’ve never posted on many people’s jourmals as if I cant help myself I dont think I could help anyone else but I hope that everyone can find the strength to keep going and survive .
just for today I will not gamble .x

[seri68]

Thanks V x life can get better each day without gambling.
Have a trip away at the weekend and such a good feeling that I have funds to be able to do it x
Onwards odaat x

[seri68]

Well feeling a little overwhelmed tonight.
My life of gambling on this rollercoaster hit a high today . Ive done my hobby today which now means that I’ve for the first time in as long as I can remember that I actually have some savings .
That sound’s pretty crap in a way but to me its massive .
Onwards x odaat x

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