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Hi Claire – My update here… It has been a roller coaster ride for me. I started seeing a psychologist and met her couple times. Its just too early for me to comment on what my thoughts have been after seeing her. One thing is she is able to talk with the Doctor that my husband has been seeing.
Going back to my husband, from last 9 days he didn’t go to Casino and told me that he was counting days and he wouldn’t do it again mainly to keep my daughter happy as she is in her senior year of HS. That really raised my hopes and last night they came crashing down. He went to casino last night and came home this morning at 3:30. He slept all day and and late afternoon he took my daughter for her class, While she was in the class, he goes to the bar. it hasn’t ended… he is now with his friends outside and I wouldn’t be suprised if he comes tomorrow morning. I am upset. I feel i am going back into depression with increased levels of anxiety. I feel bad for my daughters as its so unfair for them to go thru the situation at this age.Thanks Claire!! As I said, he is seeing a doctor but doesnt take meds and dont think he is even telling the truth to the doc. When he met the doc past wednesday, he got a new prescription, he took it ony two evenings.
He went to Casino, late Friday afternoon and at 9:30 PM( by then i am sure he must have had enough drinks), he texts and says, thats how he is going to be and I can leave if I want to and some other crap and came home at 3:30. All day yesterday and today he has been sleeping. I am so heart broken ( my kids are out of town and my 17 year old texts me every evening asking if Dad is OK and if he is coming home on time and I have been lying to her stating everything is OK.:(( ). To the outside world he is best husband, best dad and smart man. Only I know ( partially my daughter) knows whats happening. Even with all these… we do lot of vacations and try to do things when is sober.
The more I think, confrontation will not help as he will find different ways and on top he will blame me for not trusting him and spying on him. Ater all this for so many years, he still expects me to support him and trust him ( which i do some day or the other he will change)
Day by day i am losing hopes and sometimes I feel like walking out and unfortunately I am not working now to support myself.
I didnt talk to him from past 36 hrs. I am at the verge of crying if ayone even calls me. I am not even taking calls. This morning I get a text like this from my husband and these kind are not new to me.
“past week was one of the best week I had in a long time. I am hoping to continue and only get better from now.
I know I shouldn’y have gone on Friday, but please dont give ip. I know you were very happy past week, and I liked it so much. I will keep trying to get you in that mood all the time, not just for a week.”
These things happen only when he is sober and not gambling. I didnt respond and I dont even know what to say. I am clueless.
I am pretty sure, he must have lost quite a bit of moey and I dont have guts to ask him either as he will come back and say its his money and he can do what he wants.
Thanks a lot Sandy for your kind words. I am looking for a good psycholigist as well and follow his/her directions. Just as you mentioned I will be on cloud 9 when he says he is going to change and comes home being sober on time. In couple day, all that happiness goes down the drain. He came last night at 3:30 AM. This has been heart wrenching to me as I am also concerned about my daughters who innocently beleive the dad but don’t question him. There are days, where I feel like going into the casino and play as well. Somehow my heart doesnt let me do that.
You think confronting him with the pics ( car in the front of casino) will help me? Next time ( hopefully) if he says he will give the passwords, I will take immediately. In the past, when he said that, I didnt take to make him feel that I trust him and hoping that will make him change.
Thanks again and hugs to you.
I also want to add, he looks normal and i look normal and he knows very well, that I dont ask or tell anyone
I am in the same Situation as Claire ( and understand what she must be groing thru) and I am totally lost and dont know what to do. My husband always had a drinking problem ( where he can’t stop once he starts) and on top of that he started some serious gambling ( before it was once in a while). Unfortunately the casino is right in between his work and home. 🙁 When he is sober or lost lot of money he tells me that he is not going to back and he will give all his cards etc.) Silly me, I trust him and support him thinking he will change. He is extremely smart and he works for a company and is in a very good position. There are days when he attends couple meeting from home and leaves in the afternoon and come back next morning at 5:30 or 6:00 AM. Couple time, I went to the parking lot of casino and found his car there. I haven/t confronted him yet. I am worried by doing do so, it will only make things worse as he might stop his car somehwere else and take uber to casino. He expects me not to say anything. Anythig I say he will blame it on me and the kids and he becomes agressive and I just leave the room without makig a scene.
I have two grils ( ages 17 and 13). Both know what is happening, 17 thinks he only drinks. He doesnt involve in any of their things and when he is sober he gets what thet want to make them happy, I started to lie to my older daughter stating he came early etc, as she is freaks out and I do not want this to interfere in HS and in her collage search. Once I found two reciepts (This was a while back) where he took 5k and 3k, Since then I have no idea how much he has been taking. He chaged the passwords and I gave no access..Whie I was out of Country, he was leaving both dauthers at home and used to come at 5:30 or so.
He thinks he doesnt have a gambling or drinking problem. With great difficulty, I made his see an addiction doctor and he talked about his depression ( sayimg he has too many things on his plate by mentioning his job position and my health,….which is a crap) and how its effecting him and which is making him go for drinking, but he doesm/t mention amything about his Gambling.. He does not want me to go wth him to the doctor..He changed three meds for depression taked them for four days) and saying he can not function with the sideeffects. He says underlying proboem is depression not gambling or drinking, Divorce is not a option for me now as its going to effect my kids futire based on the ages there in. BTW I worled for 20 years and i am SAHM now for health reasons, He gives my health as a reason too,,, as I said he is very manipulative and doctors easily belive him.
Please tell me what I should be doing……As I am writing this he us at casino and tells me he is at a friends place and he is not up for driving, he will come in the morning..
He is elite member and I dont know his pin to log in and check his activities, Nothing is my favour, Dont know if got close with someone there. I did ask him and he laughted over it.
Serouly I am heart broken. He also got DUI ( not for driving but for tresspassing making a scene). he didnt give me the details as usual. I found the citation.
Any suggestions??
Sorry for the long post