[sam.sam]

Hi Sad. We should change your name to Happy from now. I am glad to hear that you have secured a job, and that you are happy about that. As you said things will get better when we do not gamble. For me as well good things happening, and am trying to make seance of feelings that I have now. Working o my anxiety and trying to manage them.
I was reading about understanding anxiety and the the way it affects us.
I don’t have much of the physical side effects of anxiety but I can relate to behavior side of that: we do not plan things very well, we rush about trying to do every thing, avoidance, we get irritated and take it all out on those around us.
The best part I like was where they talk about” self talk” as it is what I was doing negative self talk, that usually took me to gambling places. It says people with general anxiety are specially prone to engage in negative self talk. Anxiety can be generated on the spur of the moment by repeatedly making statements to yourself that begins with the words ‘ what if…. I can not handle it…, there for just noticing when you fall in to ‘what if’ thinking is the first step towards gaining control over negative self talk. we need to change the sentence with positive ones. so what, these are just thoughts and that I can handle that . I have done so before and I will do it again.
Self talk is often so automatic you do not notice it happening, and there for you react without noticing what you have told yourself right before you reacted.
Self talk often appears in telegraphic form or even in flashes or images that contains a whole series of thoughts, memories, or associations.
How many times I was arguing with my self about going to betting shop or not, and all of a sudden I went and put behind all the logical arguments that I was having few minutes ago. I guess some how the self talk was involve in making me taking that decision.
Four common personality types have been identified in people who are prone to anxiety:

1. The worrier: creates anxiety by imagining the worst case scenario, also called catastrophising. The worrier tend to, anticipate the worst, overestimate the likelihood of something bad happening, and crating images of failure or catastrophe.

2. The critic(promotes low self-esteem. he is constantly judging and evaluating your behavior. It jumps on any mistake you make to remind you that you are a failure. It always putting you down. It ignores your positive qualities, and emphasizes your weakness.

3. The victim(promotes depression)
The victim is the part of you that feels helpless, and hopeless. It generates anxiety by telling you that you are not making any progress. It believes nothing will ever changes. The favorite expressions of victim includes “I can not or I will never be able to”. for example: I will never be able to do that, so what is the point of even trying?

4. The perfectionist:(promotes chronic stress and burn out)
The perfectionist is s close cousin of the Critic, but instead of putting yourself down, it pushes you to do better.
favorite words of perfectionist are should and must. You should be working harder, you must have every thing under control. it is intolerant of mistakes. it has the tendency to convince you that your self-worth is dependent on externals such as vocational achievement, money, and status, acceptance by others, being loved, or your consistent ability to be nice to others regardless of what they do.

I hope It would help some of us to understand our feelings better and the cause of some of our actions, that we could not explain and reason for that. In later time I will write how we are supposed to manage and control these feelings, according to my anxiety management booklet.
Thanks to you all, and all the best to you.

[sam.sam]

Thank you Janey. Sure I will write about it and how It goes.

[sam.sam]

Today I had an email for interview at Soho center for initial assessment. I am going there 2nd of February. I am so glad that I am starting to feel and see my action plans are taking place. Not gambling is becoming a normal daily automatic action. One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad. Thank you very much for your post. I am taking every thing very slowly and one day at a time now. It helps me not get so worry about thing that are not here yet, and plan on acting on them, taking all the fact into account.
I hope you are doing well Sad. Hopefully see you in the room. Take a good care of yourself Sad. One day at atime.

[sam.sam]

Hi Monique. Thank you very much for being with me. I hope you are doing well and every thing is where it should be.
I am trying One day at a time, and it does work for me. I can feel the tension and anxiety going away slowly.
Take care Monique and all the best.

[sam.sam]

Thank you P. It was nice to see you in the room. Hopefully every thing goes on plan, and we always have good news to share in here. The important is to come here and talk about how we feel, no matter what. It helps towards recovery. You have a good week P. One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

Last night I was so stresses that I could not sleep a minute. Today was my tribunal and I won. I did not have much hope. I even thought about not going at all, that would have resulted judgment rolled in my absent, and most probably against me. On my surprise they were very understanding and listened to me answering their questions. At last they told me that I won my case and gave me the confirmation letter.
I have a complex feeling of joy and confusion. Because I did not expect this result.
Today was a good day and it reminds me that each day is an important part of our life. One day at a time. I wish you all, a good day.

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad. Today I feel better. I guess just like any other addiction, recovery is not just stopping and feeling down and negative thought coming and going is a part of the recovery process. The gambling mind is trying to bring some thing up, makes you feel bad, and make that an excuse to gamble again. When there are barriers in place and you can not do that, there it comes the feeling that I was going trough for the last few days.
I think the only way is to bring some meaning to my life, structure into my thought and actions.
You are right we all have those past events that time to tome comes up and it is like, they are happening now.
I feel better today Sad. Thank you for your support. Having you here, reading your post, making me feel better, knowing that I am not alone in this situation.
Have a good day. One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

Hi Monique,
I am glad to see you here. Yes, they are very nice people, like yourself, who are helping me in my recovery, giving me hope and direction.
Last night I had a good rest. I feel a lot better today and I will be positive in recovery.
Thanks Monique.

[sam.sam]

Today,Yesterday,The day before, all I had was this this feeling of not being worth-ed, and that I am not going to get rid of this feelings that follows me every step of the life.
At the back of my mind so many activities, running like a film on TV . We switch the TV on and we are in the middle of a film, started long ago. For unknown reason I do not change the channel, continue watching. I have seen this movie few times before, but some part of the conversation between the characters, sounds that I have not heard that before, or may be I was not interested in hearing that before.
I feel it is the same with my memories that has always been acting at the back of my mind, and me giving them a little attention, if any at all. But now, being in recovery, knowing that gambling was a way to escape and forgetting those memories, feelings, that we have, when seeing them, or thinking about them, makes me feel I have to spend some times, watching that movie from the beginning to the end and with more presence of my mind. And also getting help to deal with them.
In this movie I am the main character, so I have to pay attention to what is happening to me and how I am reacting in any given situation.
Today is another day that I have to find some thing to make me feel better. not gambling is the first thing and focusing in my recovery at the same time. I feel I have come a long way and I found a good source of information in here and a family. An understanding family.
Thank you all. Have a good journey. One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

Hi P. Thank you. I am glad I have friends like you here to remind me of the importance of being focused on recovery. I am sure without your help, I would not be here today.
Today I woke up early but after having my coffee, I was feeling so cold so I went back to bed. I fall sleep and woke up again at 5 in the evening.
I was feeling quite fed up with the fact that the day has gone. wasted, but coming here reading the post, I feel better now.
Thank you P. Take care and be focused on you and your recovery.
One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad. Thank you for being in here walking with me. This is the second day that I do not feel very well. It is the cold virus I guess.
Talk to you soon Sad. One day at a time. Take care.

[sam.sam]

Hi P. I am glad that you are well and in progress. Thank you for supporting me and giving me the energy to stay in recovery. I am very happy that you are progressing in staying positive about recovery.
At the moment I am like a child that his steps are not steady and when he walks his legs are shaky. But by coming here and being supported by people like yourself, I know that I should not expect to run. These are the baby steps. I am learning to walk again.
I was a bit down today as i feel I have a flue. Tired and sleepy. Last night I went to bed early around 11 and woke up 3 in the morning not being able to sleep. I went out and saw my GP , got some medication,and did some shopping. It was a good day.
I am glad that you are here today. You made me think about writing again. This is very nice: failing is not the falling down but staying down..
Sad please keep positive and we all together will over power this addiction.
Thank you sad for being here. One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” –Mary Pickford

[sam.sam]

“Because now that it’s finally morning, the shadows are beginning to fade, the shadows that have been covering my mind and my soul. Now that they’re gone, I can almost start to see the way, and it’s different from the one they’d convinced me was all I could have.” -Vixen Phillips

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