[sam.sam]

Hi P. I miss you too. Believe me you and few others who have been a part of my recovery, are always in my mind, even when I am not on this site.
These few days I have not been feeling really good. I am not complaining but as you know yourself there are ups and downs in recovery. I am glad that I can tell you that I have not been thinking about gambling at all and do not have any attraction to that. I am just going trough a faze of understanding my own feelings now. Some times I did not go to the chat rooms, just because I felt I am repeating myself and it made me feel uncomfortable. Given myself time to organize my mind and see why I feel the way I feel.
It is always good to hear from you P.
You take a good care of yourself, and see you soon.
Sam.

[sam.sam]

Hi Vera. I am fine thanks. I feel very tired. Today did not go to any room at all.
I hope you are ok Vera. see you tomorrow hopefully.
All the best.

[sam.sam]

Hi Vera,
I will be in the group in 1 hour, 10 o’clock. I hope to see yo there.

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad. It is good to talk about it and let go. Do not let this affects your mood.
I was not able to sleep early, but woke up early which was progress.
You take care Sad and keep posting please.
See you soon.

[sam.sam]

Tonight I will try to sleep earlier, before 12 midnight, so I can wake up early and go out, walking in the park. If it is raining still will go. I used to say I am not dust to be affected with rain. Norwegian say, there is no bad weather, but bad clothes. It means proper clothing would keep you warm and not letting you get wet. Ill try to put in in practice and see if it works.
One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

I am just writing what I am thinking about now. It is not even an Idea yet. It is only what went trough my mind and I stopped it to process it, and see if I can use it in my recovery.

How long is since your last bet? question we have been asked time and time.

I asked myself again today. I could simply answer, 3 months.
Then I asked myself how often did I play? Usually when ever had money to spend… How often did you have money to spend? Every two weeks. OK, how many two weeks periods are there in these 3 months that you haven’t gambled? 6 periods of two weeks in 3 months.
Now My gambling mind or brains part knows that every two weeks, he should expect the high mood(money available) and usually the low mood follows after that(losing money).
Any change that is happening to me in this order(for me every two weeks) tiredness, low mood, anger, You name it, anything unusual, becoming energetic, could be some thing to do with the timing, which Our brains(addicted part) High lighted in his/her diary. Be aware of that pattern.
I was thinking it could be useful for us as CGs in recovery and also, some thing for partners or family, who are helping us in recovery to be aware of.
Our brain loves patterns, It could be what is happening to me right now, ups and downs in my mood, just like when I was active and betting.
Knowing that now will help me to understand and control it.

[sam.sam]

Last night I was very tired and fall sleep really early, and woke up came to the room/group, no one there, I went back to sleep.
I hope you are feeling good today.
See you later P.

[sam.sam]

Thank you very much for your post. I think now I understand fully, how not having money on us, would help.
All the best,
Sam.

[sam.sam]

That was a good news. I am glad you are happy with the result of your medication. Now it might help you sleep as well.

You take care P.
see you soon.

[sam.sam]

Yes, It was a good lesson for me.
After effect was that I felt very tired when I arrived home.

I am not sure if in that short internal fight I had, to guard the signal, created by anger/disappointment, to reach the correct destination in my brain and activate the defence system.
How much mental energy I spent, I do not know but for sure it made me very tired.
I am still tired.
Sam.

[sam.sam]

Today I was in a situation, and a place, that nearly made me run into a betting shop. My eyes actually was looking to see if there was one.
I was a bit disappointed/angry, then the urge took over me. I looked around and see no betting shop. I knew there was one some where here, so where is it now!?
I walked further and my recovery mind took over(it all happened in a matter of 5 minutes) now passing so many betting shops, looking at them, and passing them. I just thought for a second about not having money if I go in, and that was in this occasion strong enough to take the urge away. I went to a restaurant and sat, looked at people enjoying their meal. I ordered, ate and left. Now I was in front of a Casino, every thing started 15 years ago, in here. The first bet, the first Casino, the first gambling rush…
I stopped Looked trough the glass, saw the roulette machines, and left.
I made a mistake today. I took money with me. I did not plan, I rushed out to get to my appointment, so I carried with me the money that was meant for a payment and bills.
I was lucky that was able to visualize the possible outcome of the gambling there and then. My mind decided not to gamble today.
Came home and I was happy.
Do not carry money with you.
One day at a time.

[sam.sam]

Today is my appointment time in Soho Clinic. Waken up early and feel a little nervous.
I went to my email account and checked old emails that I wrote in 2003 to Gamcare, and Gordon House in 2006-07.
Read in those letters how I was feeling then. How helpless, desperate I was, to get help, and how helpful they were.
I feel a lot better now. I am taking another positive step today to make sure I will stay in the recovery.

I was looking for shuller who gave me very good advice in here on 2 of my posts. where ever you are shuller, I thank you again.

I will write about Soho clinic tonight after my appointment.

Thank you all,
Sam.

[sam.sam]

It is good that you take care of your child. One that is very important is to give a child as much love as possible. Touching them and paying attention when they speak.
But do not forget to pay attention to the child within yourself. use the time spending with your child to be playful and let the adult in you rest for a minute or two.
Children are very good at understanding if we are paying attention to them because we care and enjoy doing that or just as our duty towards them.
Take care sad and get enough rest, and eat plenty of veg and fruit .
All the best,
Sam.

[sam.sam]

I hope that you are strong and positive today. Very good question you asked me. What is my hobby? Unfortunately none at the moment, isn’t it strange I talk about what I believe would help my recovery but I have not started it.
One attractive activity we both do at the moment is reading the forum, attending the groups, and keeping an eye on ourself making sure we do not gamble.
It was an idea that I mentioned in my post that we need, have to fill the emptiness in our life with hobbies.
You made me feel I need to put the idea in to action soon.
At the moment most my time is either reading on the net about gambling or watching documentaries which talking about our mind and the way it works.
But Sad, idea may become actin soon. I am working on myself.

Sad I am sure that you will find a way to start your old hobbies again, socialising, and a lot of new hobbies.

Thanks for your post. One day at a time.
Sam.

[sam.sam]

I hope you are feeling better every day. I came to say hello and wish you all the best.
Sam.

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