[sam.sam]

Hi Vera. Thank you for your post. I feel better today. It is interesting or strange that some times, small step we take, changes our mood or even direction.
I had a visit from a friend and it changed the rest of the day for me. I went out did some shopping, and windows shopping. I felt quite better.
You did very good to have gone to Dublin with your family. I am sure charles will understand that.
Staying at home for me is becoming very disturbing. I am seriously excluded myself from every where and every one.
It was my defence system before but now it is some thing to be aware of and deal with it.
One thing that keeps me at home without being bored and stay up at night is the internet, basically the computer. watching movies, and social networks, which gives me the false believe that I am not alone and am in touch with others.
Now I have to change it.
I feel worthless and it is a danger in my situation to feel like that.
This week I have to seriously work on it and if not successful then i will have to pack my computer and not use that for a while until I become comfortable with myself. Of course I will continue to come here even if it means going to internet shops, but for now might be the best not to have internet at home.
Let me see what I can do this week.
All the best Vera.

[sam.sam]

Thank you P for being here and supporting all of us.
Yes I am not really feeling high in in spirit These days. Sleeping too much in day times. waking up upset of it all, not being able to eat much. Generally I am not happy with myself. Gambling has been long gone, no urges at all.
I feel and acting like, when i was gambling, coming home and sleeping so the time passes and the pain goes away. Now I am acting the same.
Planing to start from next day, waking up and doing some thing positive, but next day never comes.
I was ok, high for few days, but suddenly felt this way again, down, and less able to do any thing.
I am going to make appointment and see my GP to see if it is depression coming back. I need more energy, I need to get out. I am lucky I have all barriers placed otherwise in this situation I would have gone back gambling. Thanks to you all, and help I get from here.
I am not complaining but this is how i feel, and may be that is the reason, haven’t been to groups much, not feeling to explain myself.
Thanks again P for being here.

[sam.sam]

Hi P. I am glad to hear your progress all the time I see you or read your posts.
Writing is rethinking. Going over what we actually thought. Visualising our thought.
I am glad you are still writing. Myself have not been in a mood of writing much, going trough a faze of internal activity. Thinking about how far I came and seeing the progress in my recovery.
I hope every day is a better day for you.
All the best.

[sam.sam]

Black Dog Days

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad, it was nice seeing you in the group today.
Yes Sad I am looking at the possibility of going to uni or college again, and do a part time course.
You are right that going to the college instead of on line course have its own positive points, meeting people and have a social contact at the same time.
I will sure work on the idea.
It is strange, that the urges gone. Now I walk in streets, not in a hurry but slow with an open eyes, watching people and places and observe the life around me.
It is enjoy able.
All the best P. Keep on doing the nice work.
See you soon.

[sam.sam]

Hi Velvet, Thank you very much for your beautiful Post. I am agree with all you said about getting physically active with what we are passionate about so we can enjoy every second of that.
Socially getting involved also is one that I am missing in my life and have to work on that.
feeling of Responsibility for ourself and or some one else also would help me in my recovery.
You have mentioned all that i need to do. Thanks for that.
You made me smile writing about Olympic games, it was funny. Challenging you on table tennis no way that I can control your services, but I can run after the balls if you miss them lol bring them back to the table.
It was nice hearing from you Velvet. Thanks again and All the best .

[sam.sam]

Today I saw good my friends in the group. It felt good, like seeing them in person.
Today is a good day.
Tomorrow would be even better.

[sam.sam]

Hi P. Nice to hear from you. Yes exactly, as you said, ups and down have always been there, but we never noticed them. Now we are here and living it in full.
Not gambling today,
I am awake, not sleep walking any more.
All the best P.

[sam.sam]

Hi Vera. Earlier today I wrote for you but it seems that my internet connection causing problem for me.
Today was quite a good day. I woke up early, and I arranged one of my appointments with hospital(my arm shoulder pain)and few small jobs done. Went for a walk, and did my shopping’s, but in the afternoon I was very tired and fall sleep around 3 o’clock. That is why I missed the Charles group.
Not even a bit of urge for gambling these days.
I am sure that I have to find a new hobby or some thing that interest me, paying attention and spending time doing that. What I see now is that days becoming boring, doing nothing. I was looking at the open university to study again, but I feel need to be physically activated if I want to stay clean.
Life is making sense more than before now, without making me scare or panicky. It is I think a good sign of recovery.
As you know negative though is always there but not giving them a chance to take over the positive part of me is what I am concentrating on. One important thing I learned here is that I am responsible for me, and I should not let any one else life affect my own recovery. We can not do their home work for them. That is how I can, put aside my family problems and stay in a calm state of mind and spent some quality time with myself, paying attention to inner me.
How is every thing with you Vera? I hope life is getting easier.
I will see you soon.
All the best.

[sam.sam]

Hi Vera,
I was in the group for a while with Lauraine and Raymond. I guess you came later, when we all left. Sorry to have missed you. I hope you are well and I will see you later today.
All the best.
Sam.

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad, I just came back from visiting my neighbour. He is ok.
Life is good here and recovery is going well. Slowly thing are improving.
Not gambling.
One day at a time.
All the best.

[sam.sam]

Hi P. I hope you are feeling good today. I just came to say hello and wish you all the best.
It feels good to be around you.
You take care,
All the best P.

[sam.sam]

Vera check this: https://www.falundafa.org/

[sam.sam]

I came to one of gambling group today. No body there so i did not stay long. I have not been very keen in writing for the last few days, and thought if i come to the chat rooms, groups, I might have to sit quiet, not talking, there for I did not come.
Today I went trough all my housing payment letters and bills. They sent me a letter today that I owe them money and they may take me to court for possession of my flat if I did not pay …amount.
I checked my papers and realized they have been calculating from the wrong date, which makes them see a short fall of £400. I called them and all sorted, asking me to take my papers so they can make a copy of that.
Two people started apologizing for what happened.
This is the recovery and the benefit of not gambling. I always thought I could not be right, they know more than me, and they have all the fact and documents. But now I know we have to take care of our rights other wise no one would do that for us.
When Charles had to reassure me that I am progressing in my recovery, in my heart I was not so sure. Now I understand what he was saying.
When letters come in the past I usually put them aside and do not open them, some times until next week, or never.. Now I make sure I know what is happening in my life, in my flat, in my area where I live, AND most importantly ” in my head”.
Recovery and progress may not be a sudden sunshine but for sure if we give it a chance and time, it will come from behind the cloud and make our life easier.
All the best.
Sam.

[sam.sam]

Hi Sad. Thank you and Vera for being good friends for me. I am here sitting and calculating some rent payments. If there is any group open later tonight I would see you there. If you were awake.
Thanks again, and say hello to Vera.

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