[SadandHurt]

I keep allowing my heart to be squashed. I fell in love with a compulsive gambler over 5 years ago. Just three months into the relationship I began lending him money for a variety of construed reasons. That amount is now quite large. We have everything in common in our lives, except gambling. I don’t gamble… He tends to be a ‘winner’ but he never shares his losses honestly. I ask each year for him to share the casino win/loss document, but he puts it off and I unfortunately let him. He makes twice as much as I do, yet needs to borrow money. Our fights are only about money/ or the lack of talking about money and his behavior at the casino’s toward me. I “bring negativity and make him lose”. He “only wins if I am not with him”. At the machines it’s always, “just one more $100”, but it’s 2 or 3 or 4 more. It’s “just 5 more minutes”, but it’s 30 min, 1 hour or more. It’s “I won’t go below $500”, but he goes down to $0 and then adds more money. If I express any displeasure or remind him of what he said, there is anger and then….the silent treatment.
for days until I go to his house and end it. He “loves me and can’t imagine life without me” but he keeps pushing me away with these behaviors. He transfers all his negative behaviors onto me. HE is controlling, but I am accused of same. HE is always right, but I’m accused of this. HE is always giving, but I’m accused of always taking from him. I am guilty of enabling all this. He gambles enough to constantly be on the receiving end of endless gifts, concerts, overnights and hotels and free trips with endless free drinks and meals. Of course, we LOVE together all these perks. And we couldn’t enjoy so many vacations each year without the gambling. We both have high stress jobs and these getaways are vital. However, each trip we end of fighting and spending a day or two with him not acknowledging my presence because I’m “complaining or sabotaging his casino success”. I’ve been threatened with “your talk about money is what will end us.” I just found out he has been active for some time on an online dating site – just as we met. My friend set up a fake account that she gave me access to and he ‘bit’. He responded. OMG, the shock and heartbreak. He didn’t continue the dialogue, but the fact that he is online and responding at all!!! I feel he is potentially hunting his next prey as I am no longer lending him money. I’m so hurt by his words and actions. I feel he really DOES love me, but honestly have always felt he never meant to fall in love with me – which is probably true – I was just supposed to be preyed upon. Too consistently his words and actions do not mirror what a man who proclaims he loves someone and can’t imagine life without them would say or do. Do I leave and take huge financial loss AND a person who is truly a soul-mate for me if he weren’t a gambler, or do I stay and try to work through this? It’s such a lonely place to be… Everyone thinks he is this completing engaging, outgoing, wonderful humanitarian (and that IS a huge part of whom he is) but no one knows the mental abuse I suffer from him as well. Just needed to finally “say” this all “out loud”. Of course, I’m in the midst of a silent treatment right now due to a visit to the casino yesterday…

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