[sad43]

Cruising247 congratulations on your recovery, that’s amazing. And thank you for your words. One thing that shocks me about my ex is that he is angry with me for being devastated by the news that he is hugely in debt again. Being the family of an addict is so hard, and yet he is angry with me for using words like ‘devastated’ and ‘heartbroken’. He says I’m massively overreacting. I’m devastated for him. And he’s angry with me.

[sad43]

Velvet, thank you. I would like to join a family and friends group to talk in real time. Lind, perhaps you could join it too.

[sad43]

Lind, thank you for your response. You sound exhausting. It’s exhausting isn’t it. ‘Who is looking after me in this situation? Who is making me feel safe and secure?’ – I feel this completely. I am very much out of my marriage and my ex has come to me as a friend – but still I think, I’m the mother of your children, why do you not care enough to keep me safe? Why are you angry with me for not giving you the money?

I know it’s not as simple as that. But why not?? Why can’t they see that what they’re doing is hurtful. So hurtful. Sometimes I hate that it’s an illness because I just want to shout and scream and say stop being so selfish.

I have not given him the money. I don’t know that I won’t. But I’ve suggested other avenues for him to investigate. Which is making him angry because of course the quickest and easiest solution is just to ask me.

Thank you for your response Lind. You sound like you are having such a tough time. It really does destroy lives doesn’t it xx

[sad43]

Thank you so much for all your replies. To be clear, he is my ex husband, we are no longer together. And none of this is about hoping for a second chance in our marriage. Our marriage is over, he has a girlfriend, we live separate lives and have been for the last two years. I’ve always prided ourselves on the fact that we have a good relationship and that our family unit still works well. We share care of the kids 50/50, we co-parent well together. He has come to me for the loan as a friend. He knows I have the money as we sold our house together back in April.

As it stands now, he’s being really hostile towards me. I guess because I questioned whether drugs were involved in the over-spend over the last 9 months. He says drugs are not a problem for him. I’m now reluctant to lend the money for all the reasons you’ve all said above. I’m scared. He won’t let me get involved in his recovery now – I think he thought I’d straight away lend him the money but it’s been a week since he asked and I still haven’t paid it to him which I believe is making him angry. I feel like I can’t help him. We broke up for a number of reasons, and I played my own part in the breakdown of our marriage, but one thing I did think when we eventually separated was: at least he is not my problem anymore. At least he can’t hurt me (and vice versa) anymore. And yet here we are.

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