[Ryan_Mcleod]

sorry I’ve not been on in a while been so busy working!
on a positive note I have not gambled now for 25 days! Its hard though and I’m slowly starting to think about doing it again! I really don’t want to but after I’ve been paid again it just seems like its starting to creep up on me! I don’t really know what to do! I want to stay strong but this is very hard! I’m really going to try and stay positive and not do it! its horrendous and I want to live without gambling in my life!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

well done courage! I was the same, constantly chasing my losses! Its a horrible feeling, and remembering How low it made me feel Is what stops me everyday from doing it! I want it out my life, I don’t want it to dictate my life, its time for us all to start enjoying life again, instead of living in this wee grey self destructive bubble which gambling does! we need to accept we will never win! good luck and keep going!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Been busy this weekend with work so not updated in a few days. Still gamble free and doing well, worryingly I’m starting to think about it almost more, I get paid tomorrow which is the first time since I last gambled that I will have money. Really need to stay strong! I want to keep focus and really not go back! I will! even writing this blog helps, its nice to understand that its not just me that suffers this horrible addiction and that they’re is people who can relate.
Good luck with your progress guys! ill let you how I’m getting on in the next couple of days!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I have found today pretty good, the thoughts are getting less and I’m beginning to hurt less however part of me feels like I’m just blocking out the thoughts and not really coming to terms if that makes sense.
I don’t want to say I’m depressed but I need to save some money for my travels and I have not a penny! this is stressful and I feel like its all getting on top of me! The amount of over-thinking I do is making me tired and really frustrating, I just wish I never done it but I really am going to try not to concentrate and what has been done and focus on what I do have control off: my future

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Today I have done a week without gambling, though I have done this before and actually quite a few times, I have never been in the position that I am in now! I am in two minds, I’m feeling in one respect quite low, I’m upset and annoyed at what I’ve done, letting my parents down and most of all myself. Putting myself into a financial situation that I can barely cope with and causing myself to feel this low by something that I chose to do time and time again.

On the other hand however I feel positive and equipped for what’s to come , I have never felt this focussed and sure of not doing it again than I do now! and its a good feeling knowing that I really do have a fresh mind set on gambling and the destruction it has caused me! anyway bring on day 7 I’m ready!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Hey Courage, right now you are just surviving! I’m the same in some respects, because it has only happened recently its still very raw and numb. At the moment I still feel frustrated at myself and annoyed but what can I do? you need to ride this wave out and it shouldn’t last for long.
You will slowly start to get your head together and feel positive, then you can stay focused and be sure not to do it again!! if you ever feel tempted remember how you are feeling now! and that you will inevitably feel like this if you gamble again!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I’m the same courage and what gets to me is the thought of after all the trouble gambling has caused, I might actually do it again! its infuriating! but you can do it! todays only my day 6, I have up days and down days and I do feel tempted to do it again, but you need to remember how low it can make u and how frustrated you can become. I’ve told myself I’m going to stop for the last three years, but only 6 days ago did I say it and really mean it! no matter how much you win, you will always put the money back in so don’t do it!!! look after yourself and your finances will look after themselves!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I’m ready to face today! its my day off so actually planned to do stuff! got quite a lot on my mind at the moment which is making me think less about gambling and what I’ve done, however I’m not going to forget as I know the more I relax and begin to feel better about the situation that’s when I can start to fall back into the trap, a wee bet here, a wee bet their! this time I really am more determined than ever!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

yesterday went well and I am ready for today! Im slightly worried because tomorrow is my day off and this is when I usually gamble, I remember when I did once I would put on a bet or loose a substantial sum, I would loose all energy and literally not want to do anything, its a horrible feeling. I’m proud I’ve managed this long so far, believe it or not five days is an achievement for me which sounds pathetic I know.
One thing im trying not to do is even look at betting sites to see what races are on because when I do, its game over, I can read up on a horse and I will be so tempted to go to one of the many betting shops beside my flat and put it on. I am more determined than ever though not to f**k up this time! I can do this x

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Yesterday went well, still thinking about what I’ve lost and ‘what if’ or If I had only done things differently, but I cant change that and need to remember that and stay strong. One thing about gambling I have realised is no matter how much you win, its never really yours, the money is on borrowed time cause you know eventually its going to go back to the casino or the site or where it came from. Anyway roll on day 3 and no gambling!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

complete couple of urges! actually walked into two betting shops as I am excluded from all online activity, but didn’t do it and what a great feeling that was! ready for tomorrow and day 2!

[Ryan_Mcleod]

I can do it and know I need to remain positive! I really just don’t want to do it again, what scares me the most is not actually losing the money but the feeling you get when you do, not only have you lost money (usually large sums) but its the feeling of disappointment, that sick feeling you feel in the pit of your stomach that I just couldn’t face again!

p.s fantastic where about from Australia are you from! Im travelling to Sydney

[Ryan_Mcleod]

Im ready, I have a friend I confine too, its going to be hard but I know it will get easier, today is my first day and already I have faced challenges! I just hate how I feel like this, I cant stop thinking, ‘what if’ and ‘why did I start’ its just so frustrating but im ready! when I go to Australia I want to be in a frame of mind where I don’t think about it, and positive!

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