[rkelly]

I can 100% relate to your post. My husband is a compulsive gambler and I have 4 children the youngest is 6 months. Like you all the finances are in my name and life is a struggle financially. I have a 6 month old and am on maternity leave. I have a law degree and a well paid job, but yet we can’t afford anything due to gambling. My husband works 2 jobs to pay his gambling debts. I resent him for it as I have to continually pick up the pieces at home while he earns pittance to pay debts (he’s blacklisted) and continues to gamble. I can understand all too well the anger and resentment you feel. My heart goes out to you I think in a lot of ways this is magnified when you have young children you want to protect. I cope, some days better than others, by focusing on the positive, on myself and my children, my friends etc etc. Like you I love my husband and know deep down he is a good person however I find the traits that come with his illness impossible to live with. He often doesn’t behave like nice person and his low emotional maturity level is very difficult to deal with. I am here if you ever want to talk xx

[rkelly]

Velvet
Thank you so much for your advice and reply I really appreciate it I read it a while ago but couldn’t reply my phone wasn’t showing a reply option for some reason. We managed to get through Christmas positively for the sake of the kids and my husband really tried but he is struggling its so obvious. I do follow advice which I was given years ago when this all started about looking after myself and the kids, focusing on things other than gambling and being positive. I am good at all these things but deep down I am worried about how things are going to be next week next month etc. As it stands at the minute I have told my husband I am not bailing him out financially this time as I have done so before and it hasn’t helped. I’ve told him that he needs to continue to pay our mortgage and bills as normal and if he can’t pay his gambling debts he can default on them even if it adversely affects his credit as these are the natural consequences of his actions and I can’t protect him from that. I am on maternity leave and therefore not in a financial position to bail him out even if I wanted to. But I know he’s borrowing from peter to pay Paul so to speak every month and I feel like my demands are maybe making it worse? However we need the money to survive and I’ve borrowed thousands upon thousands in the past to help him and am scared that if I do it again the resentment of taking from my kids and myself to pay for his problem that he chose notuto get help with over and over again when he had the chance will eat me up inside and I won’t be able to function and as I pointed out to him I am the only person my kids can truly rely on at the minute there is nobody else. Sorry for ranting on but the bottom line is I am very concerned about the right thing to do in this situation and would really appreciate some advice from someone with experience / knowledge. I think my instincts to protect my kids and myself are correct but at the same time I don’t want to be responsible for him having a breakdown or something. I know he needs professional help but I really question whether he has the maturity. I’ve tried a couple of times to use the online helpline of this site but had no luck.. wondering if there is a telephone helpline I could use or what is the best way to ask for advice on this?? I always seem to have my hands full with the baby / kids but am anxious to speak to someone to get things clear in my head before speaking to my husband.
Thank you so much again. Roisin xx

[rkelly]

Thank you so much velvet for your reply I am so grateful for the support I feel better just reading it. I have my own bank account since this started years ago thankfully so he cannot damage us as much any more. He transfers his money into mine each month but I know he is borrowing pay day loans etc etc to do this because of his gambling habit he is supposed to give me most of his wages but his finances are a mess. I became aware how bad it was last week but since then have told him that he still needs to for our mortgage / kids etc as normal cos we’ve paid enough already for his gambling habit and I said I refuse to let me or kids go without any more like I have in the past I’ve remortgaged etc etc and now think I’m making it worse. Tho I don’t know if I’ve done the right thing by saying this cos I don’t want to stress him out more. He’s been to ga but says it’s not for him. He claims he’s been back recently since he admitted to me he’s still heavily involved in gambling but he has lied about going before just to please me so who knows. His family live far away so they don’t really influence him we are kind of on our own but his sister is a heavy drinker and his dad has gambled all his life and has all the behavior traits of a compulsive gambler. Sorry my son is crying for a feed thank u so much again I will reply properly this evening x

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