[risingphoenix]

No free access to money = no temptation

I have sent instructions to the bank to transfer paycheck money to accounts managed by family as soon as it arrives.

I used to do this all last year and was gamble free and I started not doing this the last five months. And guess what I lost all the money I had access three weeks ago.

Expensive lesson learnt. I cannot change my addiction. I can however deprive it of resources.

Staying gamble free again. One day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Day 16
I confessed the relapse to my family. I have been hiding with them the extent of the relapse till now and was feeing very anxious. Somehow I built up the courage to confess. Family is very supportive and understanding and is willing to help me manage the money and avoid triggers. I am grateful for such a loving and caring family.

I feel like a weight has been lifted and I feel less guilty now. I am back on the gambling free path again stronger than ever.

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks Don. I hope you are keeping well.

[risingphoenix]

Day 3

Another gamble free day.

[risingphoenix]

Thanks JVR, Kin, DE and Charles for your support and kind words.

Your words mean much more to me than you can ever imagine. I am truly grateful to be able to share my feelings with you all.

I am very disappointed in myself. I feel like burying myself in the bed and not wanting to get up. I am angry, ashamed and confused. I was doing so good abstaining and suddenly I lost control.

My resolve to stay gamble free is now stronger than ever before and I just need to put one foot ahead of another and stay gamble free again. One day at a time. Today I did not gamble. Today is Day 2!

[risingphoenix]

Thanks JVR. Yes, I got this.

[risingphoenix]

I will be okay. I will be okay.

God is testing me.

[risingphoenix]

Day 1.

I failed. I succumbed to the triggers. After 530+ days of sobriety, I failed. Despite my best efforts I couldn’t prevent myself from gambling. I had a slip/relapse and it was bad. I blew through sizable amount of my savings in the last few days.

I believe this is the universe giving me a much needed jump start/shock to get me back on my gambling free path. This is painful and I must live with the consequences.

1. I am disappointed in myself on how I let this happen. In a span of a few days I wasted close to six months of savings. A lot of money!

2. I recognized what was happening and before it was too late and I stopped but it was few days in.

3. I did not follow my routine and was not keeping my money at arms length. I thought I could control my money myself, but that was a foolish idea.

4. The phoenix will rise again. I am knocked down but I am not out. I know I built myself back up from the ashes and I will rise again!

5. Good thing is I am not in debt this time around. I still have my job.

I am filled with gratitude that I am able to recognize my flaws before it is too late.

[risingphoenix]

Day 530

Been feeling incredibly stressed this last month. There were many days that the stress created thoughts of gambling. I am not sure why I am getting triggered. I managed to stay strong through these feelings. I really don’t want to go back again into this mess.

I will be reading my journal once again today to remind me how far I have come and to reinforce my willpower.

I hope everyone is staying gamble free.

One day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Congrats on your day one ax9722. Everyone has to start some day 🙂 It’s always one day at a time

[risingphoenix]

Thank you Kin. I hope you are keeping well.

[risingphoenix]

Day 502.. crossed 500 days! ?

Staying gamble free. One day at a time.

[risingphoenix]

So glad to see this post DE. Congrats and Keep it up!!

[risingphoenix]

Day 485 – Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

Lexu48 – This is a very dangerous addiction. We should not think that we can control it and indulge a bit. There is no gray area. Either you gamble or you don’t. Please exert all your will power to stay gamble free. Also, you’ll need your family to support you. The sooner you are able to confess with family and tell the truth, the sooner your recovery will begin.

[risingphoenix]

Day 470

Thanks Kin for checking in. I hope you are doing okay.

I have been focused on work and other family affairs. Things are going well and I am continuing to remain gamble free. The temptations still come every now and then but I am able to recognize and distract myself with other things.

Life goes on. Staying gamble free. One day at a time!

• This reply was modified 2 years, 11 months ago by risingphoenix.

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