[rednita]

I feel like I’m grieving… I feel like a psycopath to be honest. I’m mad I cry I’m tense. He is clueless that I might be upset at all…. I guess that I’ve been recapping our relationship I see all the stuff I didn’t see before. The last time he gambled 17 days ago, we had just got back from vacation and he owed me 1700 from his check that was waiting…well he cashed it and blew it. I told him that he basically stole the money from me… He said it wasn’t stealing cause he hadn’t given it to me yet. I was dumbfounded! He said stealing is a crime I didn’t steal it… I shouldn’t have used it, but I didn’t steal.
I’m aghast.
I want him to get better but I can not for the life of me understand how he could be so not caring.
I want off the roller coaster.
When does the make amends part kick in… Why can’t he understand he hurts me
I’m really so hurt…I feel like I lost my best friend.

[rednita]

I appreciate your response, but i feel like you make me the heavy. Dont ruffle his feathers, dont invoke his stress. Its not him. These are his choices…
Last night he texted me said he was going out with his guy friend for an hour or so…at 730, he came home after some heavy interchanges with me at 330 am. His answer was he was doing nothing wrong. .. eyeroll. If im pissed, ur wrong.
Im tired, i feel used, hes living in my home, driving my car for 3 years and cant seem to pull it together. ..he is hurting me. Hrs hurting himself. . If i toss him out, he has no home, no car…what the hell is he thinking?
I want to be mad… i think i should be allowed to be furious…but i also want him to get well.
Im just so tired.. loving him sucks . The ups and downs and awful…

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